So you’ve been dating on and off over the years, but now feel as if the thrill of the chase no longer interests you? Are you ready to take the plunge and get into a serious relationship?
Great!
But wait. Before you dive headlong into a serious relationship, you have to know the kind of relationship you have with yourself. The oft-used cliché is true – you have to love yourself before loving someone else. This the most important relationship of your life. Through this relationship, you’ll know your strengths, your weaknesses, your quirks, your non-negotiables –all of which will give you insight into what you will be able to make room for in your heart and in your life for someone else. You’ll also get to know that if you’re at the stage where you’re ready for a relationship or not.
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If you haven’t yet figured out what you want in life and what you expect from a partner, then this uncertainty and doubt will be reflected in your dating life as well. This is one of the main reasons why people who are not ready for a relationship opt for casual dating, friends with benefits arrangements and the like.
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If you’re one of those who’s tired of dating casually and want something concrete and permanent in nature, then you need to be on the look out for these signs that will tell you whether or not you’re ready for a relationship. Whether this happens tomorrow or next month or even five years from now, there’s no denying the fact that it will happen one day.
1. You’re weary of the dating game
Your love life has a checkered history, with a string of meaningless relationships, one night stands, and putting the moves on someone just because you can. You wake up one day, and feel as if you need something more than these meaningless liaisons with faceless people. You just want to stop and think rationally about what you want next. You might just be sick of the dating game and want something that will stick, that is more consistent. Although it’s not a crime to be single, you just want more from your relationships.
2. You know what you want
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You are a confident and independent individual, who knows your abilities, strengths and weakenesses, and also what you want from life. This is a clear sign that you’re ready for a serious relationship. You tend to make better decisions in life when you know what you want and what you don’t want. You are the kind of person who is unapologetic, and who is as confident in your professional life as you are in your personal one. If you’re confident about yourself, you can do face whatever life throws your way, and come out stronger on the other end.
3. You feel good about yourself
You are seeking a relationship because you want to feel part of a whole, not because you want to feel whole. See, there’s a big difference between the two. While the former tells the world that you love yourself, love being by yourself, and are looking for a relationship because you want a companion to share your life with, the latter tells the world that the exact opposite. You realize that being in a relationship is not about boosting your self-esteem or feeling worthy of love – no. You already know that you’re worthy of love and happiness that is due you. What you want instead, is to feel the connection that you can form with another whole, happy, and independent individual. That’s when you’re ready for a significant other in your life. You understand that being with someone isn’t about filling the void inside you, but about sharing your love and life with someone special, despite that void. Only you can ever fill that void, and you get that.
4. You’re in no rush to skip steps
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You are in no hurry to get it over and done with. You take your time getting to know the other person, instead of just flirting and getting them into bed. You realize that a serious relationship doesn’t have the wham-bam-thank you ma’am urgency to it. You both talk, engage in serious conversations, indulge in activities you both enjoy, and learn about each other’s interests, likes, dislikes, passions and everything in between. As long as your sole purpose is to get to know the other person as much as possible, then you’re on the right track.
5. You are financially secure
This is no way implies that a financially broke person doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship, but simply refers to the fact that when you’re financially stable, you have the freedom and the luxury to focus on your relationship. If you’re financially in a solid place, you won’t have to worry about your next paycheck, and instead, focus on getting to know the other person fully.
6. You are emotionally available
If you are emotionally stable and are not angry at people and the world at large for your single status, or any other of your woes, then you’re in a good place in your life, and more open to a proper relationship. A relationship isn’t child’s play, but requires consistent hard work and effort to make it work. And you are ready to make room for someone else in your life, and the only way to do this is by being emotionally satisfied with yourself first.
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7. You are over your ex
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This is one of the clearest signs that you’re ready for a relationship. You have let go of the resentment, anger, despair, hurt, and sorrow over the fact that your previous relationship didn’t work out. You have positive thoughts about your future, your life, and have no acrimony towards your ex.
8. You lead a fulfilling life
You have interests besides your work, and are not on your way to a club every other day to flirt the night away. You indulge in your passions, pursue your hobbies, improve your lifestyle, and try to better yourself as a person. If you do all these, then you’re ready for a serious, committed relationship, which will be a part of your fulfilling life, rather than your whole life, as it should be. Even once you’re in a relationship, you know how to find that balance between the two and finding happiness in things you love doing and also from the person you’re with.
9. You don’t need to be saved
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean your partner is ‘saving’ you from loneliness. You don’t need to be saved, because you know that you were doing fine before they came into your life. You were just looking for a person to share your life with, and that’s okay. Nobody but you can save yourself from loneliness, remember that. That’s why you need to be okay to live alone before being in a relationship.
10. You don’t shortchange yourself
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Once you’re able to honor and respect yourself as an individual, as a thinking person who knows what you want in life, you’re probably ready for a relationship. Do what you want and try to be the best version of yourself, for YOU. Only when you’re fully comfortable being in your own skin and know your self-worth, would you be ready to let someone else in. Remember – if you’re not satisfied with the person you are, nobody, not even Prince Charming will ever satisfy you in life.
11. You have realistic expectations
You know that the chances of you every ending up with someone who looks like Charlie Hunnam or Jennifer Lawrence are slim to none. You don’t live in a fantasy world with unrealistic expectations. You know that you’ll probably end up with someone who doesn’t exactly fit into your mold of the ‘ideal mate,’ but it’s okay, because you know that they’re REAL and not a figment of your imagination. That they’re an individual who has their own distinct tastes, likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses, and it’s okay, because you want to get to know the real person and be in a relationship with them. Although there is nothing wrong with setting standards, you know that it’s very hard to tick off every last point on your checklist, and you’re not being too picky by disregarding every potential Real Person for a possibility of Fantasy Person.
12. You don’t wait for the ‘right’ time
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You are leading a life, not enacting a play. So you know that there is never going to be a ‘right’ time to meet someone special. Once you realize that, you’re well on your way to being ready for a serious relationship. You know that the person you’re looking for will not come knocking on your door, and that’s okay because you’re always on the look out for them. Whether something major is happening in your life or you’re working towards that promotion, you need to keep your eyes, mind, and heart open to the possibility that the right someone could waltz in the door at any time. The only thing here is, you need to recognize that the person who just waltzed into you life is that special someone who you’ve been looking for.
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13. You’ve learnt from past mistakes
If you’ve not learnt anything from your past mistakes, then there’s no point in you looking for a new relationship. It becomes moot. Whether it’s falling for the same type of ladykiller, behaving in a controlling manner that drove your ex away from you, or cheating, you’re not ready for a relationship if you’re just going to do the same even now. As the years pass you by, you don’t just age, but also need to grow up too. And learning from your mistakes to become a better person, is growing up.
Having said all this, you’ll be the best judge of knowing when you’re ready for a serious relationship, because who knows you better than you? Love yourself, learn from your mistakes, and keep your heart and your mind open to new possibilities – always!
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
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