Relationships are difficult, but unlike everything else we do, it does not follow the principle – try, try, and you will succeed. Sometimes, it’s just not meant to be and one has to accept that. However, this is hardest to stomach when he’s your ‘one and only,’ but you can’t do anything to hold on to the relationship, as much as you want to.
But, when things just don’t work out and all you’re left with are memories – both good and bad, then you know that it was all in vain, despite the fact that he was ‘the one.’Sometimes, you have to let go, even if he’s ‘the one’ for you.
Suggested read: How to get over the one that got away in 5 steps
Here are 13 signs that he’s the one that got away:
1. One of you broke the other’s trust.
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It is easier to lose someone’s trust than winning it the first time, and the second time is near impossible, especially if your partner had once placed their faith in the wrong person in the past. Either one of you cheated on the other. That’s the sort of thing you can’t ignore, no matter what you are able to convince yourself. The truth is that past mistakes are always brought into a fight and there will be something constantly in your mind, bothering you, perhaps even making you paranoid. So, you better confront your feelings before they come back to haunt you. However, it’s not only about infidelity, this applies to any situation where one of you failed to keep promises that were made. Otherwise, you’re just fighting a lost battle.
2. He keeps cropping in your thoughts.
It’s not like you are reminiscing over your relationship, it’s more like you are subconsciously guilty or you are really hurt. You keep fixating over what went wrong. And perhaps, this is your mind’s way of telling you to acknowledge that he’s the one that got away, the one you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with.
3. You mistake random strangers for him.
You walk on the street and then you see someone with his profile, same hair, same sort of features, and most commonly, people who look the same from behind. At first, you freeze thinking it is him and your heart pounds at the thought of facing him. There’s panic that’s telling you to hide and there’s that tiny bit of excitement that’s telling you to talk to him. And then when you get a better look at him, you realize it’s not him after all. You breathe a sigh of relief but somewhere in your gut, you feel this twinge of sadness as if you had been hopeful it was him. The fact that he can still incite that much of a reaction from you can be upsetting.
4. You constantly long for him.
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It’s not that you don’t know things are over, it’s just that you don’t want to move on. You’re still holding on to the bits and pieces he left behind, like a favorite sweater that’s too worn out to wear anymore but you can’t let go of. It’s hard to let go of things, people, and places we derive comfort from. We are afraid to let go because we fear we’ll never reach that level of familiarity and comfort with others.
5. You hold on to things that remind you of him.
You can’t throw away some of the memorabilia from your relationship. You literally hold on to a garment or a bottle cap or it could be as useless an object you can think of just so you don’t have to part ways with that last piece of him. It could be a CD, a certain movie that the two of you enjoyed, or that certain song that you loved and that you labeled as ‘your song.’ The day when you come across these and can’t feel anything but longing and helplessness, is the day you will know he’s the one that got away.
6. You can’t bear to even hear his name.
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Your friends know better than to mention him. They are wary of how you will react, and it may not be a positive reaction. Maybe they are trying to make you feel better by distracting you, maybe they don’t want to depress you further by talking about him or, maybe they are trying to make you forget about him so that you don’t get your hopes up because even they know it’s a lost cause.
Suggested read: How to learn to love yourself for who and what you are
7. You don’t even want to think about moving on.
The idea of moving on does not appeal to you at all. The idea of dating someone else right now is repulsive to you. To love and to be loved by someone when you are still hung up on your ex can be quite nightmarish. However, no matter how much you miss him, you are in a situation where you are contemplating moving on which is pretty much a sign that you both are done with being in a relationship.
8. You can’t bear to see him with someone else.
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You feel devastated when you see him moving on with someone else. You may feel insulted, betrayed, even jealous, but most predominantly, sorrowful. It hurts you to know that everything that was between the two of you is now nothing more than a memory. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about it, and intervening would not only invite a world of pain but also rob you of the tiny shred of dignity that you once possessed.
9. He keeps appearing in your dreams.
As in, not the several times you daydreamed about him but the time you saw him in your state of oblivion. We dream about what we subconsciously think about. So, even if you don’t think about him all day and you dream of him at night,
know that he’s on your mind. Moreover, the dream may not be a pleasant one necessarily.
10. The truth is you don’t want to move on.
You keep obsessing and clinging on to what’s left, but you’re not in a state of mind to let go just yet for your idea of normalcy is what you have been living with. As human beings, most of us like patterns. We choose to remain in a state of inertia till we reach that point where circumstances make us change our ways and step out of our comfort zones. Stephen Chbosky once said, “We accept the love that we think we deserve.” And what we all seek is a bit of normalcy. So naturally, it makes sense when you don’t want to move forward and you’re not ready to welcome another person in your life.
11. He shows no inclination towards getting back together with you.
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He may not have been curt, he may even have been friendly, but that hardly implies he’s looking to get back with you. People can remain in touch even after they breakup because when two people are together, they’re friends before anything else. And if he’s moved on to dating other people, he’s definitely not into getting back with you in the foreseeable future.
12. If you could, you want to go back and fix things.
They say whatever happens is for one’s own good, and it is mostly true. However, if you had a chance to go back in time and fix it all, you will do it all differently.
13. It all feels massively excruciating.
You miss him, you feel empty inside, there is this sick feeling in the pit of your stomach – basically, you are miserable, and we are all familiar with that emotion. You realize that the chance of getting back together with him is zilch and that makes you more hopeless than you would have thought was possible.
Suggested read: 10 simple ways to find yourself after a heartbreaking breakup
Like, after the end of every amazing relationship, there will be a part of you that will long for it back, no matter how tiny that part is, and it’s natural to be gutted over it or to want it back. There’s always a probability that he might just want it back as well. And, if you see that most of the signs given above are right there, you know you have to move on. Nurse it the way that suits you, but don’t wait around for someone who’ll never turn up.
Like every failure, rejection or breakup, this will be a sore experience but just as vital as the happy moments in your life. How you deal with heartbreak shapes your personality and your life. A wise man had once said, “Grief does not change you, it reveals you.” Take time to heal and recover but don’t let this affect your future. It’s not the end of the world.
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
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