A Letter From Future Me – 13 Must-know Relationship Advice From My Future Self

by Sejal Parikh · March 27, 2015

Dear Past Me,

It has been a while since we touched base. I am not going to complain about it, coz I know you’ve been busy as much as I have.

I wasn’t going to write to you coz I’m not sure I am ready to fill you in on how you’re doing where I am at. I am not going to divulge any details about what I’ve done and how, coz I’ve known you long enough to know you wouldn’t be satisfied with knowing. I am, however, going to tell you that I am here and I am liking it.

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From what I remember, you not only looked forward to what lay ahead but enjoyed moving forward to get there too. To tell you what lies ahead will only spoil your journey. In fact, should you know where you are going to be, you may actually alter your path to get here sooner. You can be mischievous that way, and I know patience was never one of your strong points. But patience, as you know, is a virtue, and I know you are working on it. Okay, I will let you in on this much – you will get better at it. Just keep at it and don’t let my slip pull you into complacency.

I also recall you as being inherently curious, always bombarding mom with incessant question-bullets – some of which she could dodge, some … um … not so much. Today, I am going to douse a part of that curiosity-fire because I will be talking about … well … relationships. Okay, stop woo-hoo-ing. Okay, fine go ahead and do that, after all you are still the me-I-was-ten-years-ago!! I would like to let you in on some nuggets of wisdom that you ought to label: relationship advice from my future self, and that you might do well to know, even if it means going ahead and still making the mistakes and revisiting these tenets so they are drilled into you.

Here are the experiential pearls of wisdom labeled relationship advice from my future self, that I wish to string into a necklace and have you wear:

1. Date, a lot: Coz finding the right guy isn’t serendipity. You have seen the movie, you know!!

2. Fall in love with someone’s heart: Time will take away all else. What shall remain is the heart that loves you and the heart you should love too. Love him for that.

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3. Preserve your own identity and your space: Embracing your individuality and pursuing your own passions whilst embarking and forging ahead on a journey of togetherness is foremost.

4. You can’t love enough for both people: Relationships are a two-way street. It can never be a one-way highway. Neither can you fill in for your partner’s lack of effort or investment. It is not a 50:50 or any other variable percentage proposition. It is either 100% all in or nothing at all. Sometimes, it even calls for 200%.

5. Do not worry about it falling apart: Relationships happen for a reason. If it doesn’t hold up, it was just a lesson for the next. A breakup might seem like the end of the world, but trust me, it’s not. Remember the adage, ‘This too shall pass.‘

Suggested read: How to retain your identity in a relationship

6. You are in control of your own happiness: Unless you love yourself completely and are happy by yourself, alone, you cannot be in a healthy and happy relationship. It takes growing into your own happy, self-loving version for a loving soul to lead you unto an even happier future.

7. Never worry about the ‘timeline’: Finish college by 21-22, get married at 24, and have kids by the time you are 26!! Who set those rules, anyway?? Do not worry about the timeline women are held to. Life is a long journey and good things come to those who wait.

Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

8. Sex is just a part of the process: But an important one, nonetheless. Never do it for the wrong reasons. Give yourself to the person your heart gives an affirmative nod to.

9. When you say ‘I love you,’ ‘I’ comes first, for a reason: I am not denying that when you are in a relationship for the long haul, you are in for some ridiculous selflessness and near-constant sacrifice. But it should not come at the cost of ‘you.’ Losing yourself in the process of loving someone is NEVER healthy, NEVER.

10. It is okay to disagree as long as you are holding hands: There shall inevitably be conflicts. He might punch walls and you might circle blocks. Sometimes, you may just be sitting on opposite ends of the bed. But it is okay not to have similar opinions. One has to learn to agree to disagree. As long as you come to an agreement about what is important, everything else will come together – more or less.

11. You don’t have to DO anything for someone to love you: We often hear that relationships are hard work. But the truth behind all the ‘work’ is that it is important to hold and sustain love. Loving is not work at all. After all, isn’t it enough that you had to skip lunch and prepare that presentation in the office? You don’t want to return home to prepare another presentation about all the reasons why he should love you, right! Of course, you might have to do the dishes. And he should cook! That ‘work’ is acceptable coz there would be some cuddly love coming next! Without you pulling a bunny outta the hat to prove you are worthy of the love!

12. Do not settle: Because you are way too precious to stay for scraps. Set the standards you feel entitled to and stick by them. It is only when you know what you are really worth that you stop handing out discounts.

Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

13. It will not always make sense: There will be times you’d wake up in the morning only to question why you are here. And the answers might not come through. Do not worry. It is okay to feel that way. It will pass.

That is all the wisdom I have to share under that bizarre heading relationship advice from my future self, that I wish to shower on you for now. Remember it is all very simple, because your heart knows the way. ALWAYS. But it isn’t ALWAYS easy!

As for the rest, I think not knowing will keep you hungry, and will keep you trying. So, follow your heart, do what you love and keep moving forward.

Enjoy every moment of your wonderful journey and call me when you arrive.

Love,

Future Me

Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

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