English has evolved through the ages and borne the fruits of its vivacity in all brilliant poetry and prose. The most delicate human emotions have been expressed through the language in gripping words that tug at heartstrings producing the sound of a beautiful symphony.

However in the twentieth century, English has been stripped of its vowels , and the articulate have disappeared, replaced by the people who use “What’s up” ..err..wassup as an introductory greeting. And if you feel the same rage toward this annoying question that I do, here’s how you can give it back..

1. The sky

Image source: Tumblr

If you are not homeless, you can substitute this with “the ceiling/ the fan” etc.

2. A heartwarming Disney movie

Image source: Tumblr

Duh uh.

3. A preposition

Image source: Giphy

This reply may result in the person harming you physically, in some way or the other. I am not responsible for any damage hence, caused.

4. Food/Gas/Gold prices

Image source: Giphy

Nothing like a good old socially relevant, politically inclined retort to startle the conversationally impaired. This. You can choose whatever item you cannot afford.

5. A duck’s ass while it’s eating

Image source: Tumblr

It will help to frighten the receiver into believing you generally think of aviary posteriors or they will just have a light laugh. Either way, you will be thought of as a creep.

6. Just converting oxygen to carbon dioxide

Image source: imgur

Standard biology book reply for respiration – actually, you have just succeeded in making person asking the question uncomfortable. Now there is no scope for conversation. Mischief managed!

---

Suggested read: 8 things I do on Saturday that I regret on Sunday

---

7. Nothing now, maybe at night

Image source: Tumblr

Yes, the dirty retort had to come sometime. Use this only if you are a man, and want someone to be disgusted by your genitalia. Or turned on. Whatever works.

8. Living the dream, and trying to wake up

Image source: Giphy

Go existential. This will incite interest in what you have to say or not. Voila!

9. Your time – you should leave

Image source: Giphy

If the other person makes no effort to ask you a proper question, then you should not have to reply to them with a proper answer.

10. Just… rolling with it (and then walk away)

Image source: imgur

Congratulations! Not only do you successfully dodge the question but also make them feel stupid about asking it.

11. God. God is above us all

Image source: Giphy

Make sure that you make an appropriate religious gesture while you do this.

12. The opposite of down

Image source: Tumblr

At this point you are just messing with them, and they know it. Try running so that they can’t hit you.

13. No, I prefer calls

Image source: Tumblr

This might take some time to understand, but the moment they do they are probably going to avoid you because you are in the habit of making bad jokes.

Perform the above lose-your-friends-in-no-time stunts at your own risk!

Featured image source: always-back-winners