Relationships are tricky. Let’s be honest – no one ever said they would be easy. While sometimes it could buoy you up and make you feel invincible, other times, it might tear you down and make you wonder if it’s even worth it to be in one. And there are those times when you feel incredibly bored in a relationship. Don’t worry though, because you’re not the first person to feel so in a relationship, even if your partner is head over heels in love with you. It happens, and there’s no one to blame but YOU!
Yes, truly. More often than not, you get bored in a relationship because you didn’t do anything to keep it at bay. It may take a few months, or even years for this boredom to set in. But you wake up one day and realize that you’re no longer that invested in the relationship. That you’re probably not in love with your partner anymore. You could ignore this feeling and go on as if nothing has happened, without addressing the issue at hand, living in denial. But just because you denied its existence, doesn’t mean the issue isn’t real.
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So you really need to do some quality soul searching to figure out why you’re really bored. The next step is to figure out what you want to do about it, and what are the reasons for you getting bored in your relationship.
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Once you figure out the whys and whats behind your predicament, you can then take steps to prevent it from happening again. Let’s take a look at some of the reasons why you could be bored in a relationship, which will then help you take the next steps.
1. Too predictable
Your relationship has fallen into a rut, from which it can’t seem to get out of. There’s no element of mystery, spontaneity, unpredictability about it anymore. You know exactly what will happen each and every day – what you’ll do, what your partner will do, almost each day of the week. Monotony is one of the biggest relationship killers, and it’s a silent one too. When you’re stuck in such a monotonous rut, it’s only natural to feel stuck, stifled, unable to breathe.
2. No excitement
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This is an extension of the previous point. When does monotony set in? When there is no excitement in your relationship. Do you even remember the last time you did something exciting together? If you can’t remember, then it’s high time you stopped what you’re doing and do something to rectify the situation. It could be something as small as bringing flowers to your partner and surprising them with a romantic dinner, or even planning a vacation. The vacation need not even be to an exotic location; it could be something new to explore two towns over, but it will get you both excited because it’s something new and it breaks the monotony.
3. No spontaneity
Planning every bit of your life and future together is safe. It makes you feel secure about yourself and your relationship. However, life can get very predictable and boring when every minute of every day is planned to a T and followed like clockwork. You need spontaneity, a chance to be reckless, carefree, and just enjoy your life. This is when you veer off your carefully crafted plan. And you need this to NOT be bored in your relationship.
4. Shaky foundation
If you jumped into your relationship too soon by skipping the various albeit vital steps over the course of it, then your relationship is built on shaky foundation. Giving in to lust, or mistaking infatuation for love, are only a couple of examples of a relationship that doesn’t have a solid foundation to stand on. That’s why you should take your time to get to know your partner, and then move on to the next logical step, even if you know in your gut that they’re ‘the one.’ You’ll only gain by knowing them thoroughly and then getting into a relationship with them.
5. Better alternatives
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People of this generation crave instant gratification, which isn’t how relationships work. If something isn’t right, or you’re bored, you let your eye wander. Or somewhere deep inside, there’s a part of you that thinks that you deserve better than your partner, or vice versa. If you really think and feel this way, then it’s better to cut your partner lose than make yourself and your partner miserable. You will never feel like an equal if your thoughts veer this way. It’s better to let go.
6. Emotional cheating
You might be having an emotional affair with a friend or a colleague, and this might make your relationship seem pale in comparison. You might not even be doing this consciously, because emotional affairs are tricky to identify and address. It’s a very thin line of confiding in a friend and confiding only in them about your problems and issues, leaving your spouse out of this equation. If you are having an emotional affair, recognize it for what it is and communicate the same with your partner.
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7. Boring sex life
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Sex is an integral part of any healthy, stable, and happy relationship. And just like any aspect of a relationship, this too can get monotonous, thereby making your bored in a relationship. However, you can change it into an exciting one by trying new things – like role playing, or new positions, or even doing it in unexplored places. Bring that sexual spark back into your love life, and you won’t be bored anymore. However, if you’re unwilling or feel as if it’s just not worth it to even try to bring excitement into your sex life, then you have bigger problems than just you being bored.
8. No communication
You try to explain something to your partner, but they just don’t get it. In fact, you feel as if it’s not worth the effort and keep it to yourself. You’re too bored to explain it, and they’re probably too bored to even listen. Or they might not be interested at all, because they think it’s too inconsequential, when it’s anything but. But, in the long run, these inconsequential-seeming things are what matter the most.
9. Miss being single
If you miss being single even after being in a relationship for a while, then it’s scary. You need to deal with this feeling, because in the long run, it’s not something that’s healthy for you or your partner or your relationship. It could be a passing phase, but you need to learn to deal with it. One sure way of getting over this feeling is to do everything you would have done as a single person, with your partner. This is sure to bring back some excitement into your love life, eh?
10. No shared goals for the future
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If you and your partner don’t share any goals and aspirations for your future, then you have nothing to look forward to. If this is the case, it’s only natural to get bored in your relationship. Although this is something you should have addressed in the beginning itself, you can learn to look towards the future together. You can learn to come up with goals you want to work towards as a couple. This will not only help you work together as a team, a unit, it will bring you closer together as well.
11. Too much time together
As a couple, it’s natural and called for to spend time together. However, this can get claustrophobic if it becomes too much. Spend time away from each other. Go visit your family, have a night out with your friends, or watch a movie alone. The point is that when you do come back together, you’ll have so much to talk and share with your partner. It’s naught for nothing that it’s said that absence makes the heart grow fonder, eh?
12. There’s another person
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It may be a harmless friendship, sprinkled with a bit of flirting, but there is another person who excites you, and holds your attention. In comparison, your partner seems pale and boring. Even if you don’t act on your attraction to this person, you delude yourself that things with that person would be better and exciting than it is with your partner, because you’re suffering from the ‘grass is greener on the other side’ syndrome. This is an illusion; don’t fall for it, you’ll only regret it later.
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13. No time for yourself
You feel suffocated to the point of needing an oxygen mask to help you breathe – that’s how stifled you feel in your relationship. If you think and feel as if you’ve given up a chunk of your life to have a relationship with your partner, it’s bound to make you feel suffocating. It might even seem like you no longer know who you really are. Don’t let it come to that; address it, give yourself and your partner a lot of time alone to be in your own company.
If you’ve identified with most or all of these reasons mentioned above, then it’s time you did something about it. You do not want to be bored in your relationship, because you still love your partner. Focus on the love you have for your partner, and let that motivate you to work towards making your relationship as unboring as possible.
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