Are you tired of fighting in relationships with your partner over those same irrelevant issues? Fighting in relationships is the most unappreciated part of any relationship. Sadly, none of us can avoid it. All we can do is make the best out of that scenario. In order to do so, you need to make sure that you fight clean with your partner. We certainly can’t avoid every adverse situation, but we can make an effort to put our opinion in a productive way.
You might find it a little hard to believe, but there are some fights that can help you build a stronger relationship. If you are not able to argue or disagree with your partner, then consider it as an alarming sign. Every couple is supposed to fight as it is the most natural thing in a relationship.
Suggested read: 10 fights between couples that help strengthen their bond
Though, you need to make sure that you are able to put your relationship ahead of every fight. Your partner should matter more to you than having the last word in a fight. One can’t hope to have an upper hand in any relationship. It is a game of equals and you should respect your partner, even when you are angry or pissed at them.
We all know the things we should keep in mind while having a fair fight. Avoid name calling or digging a past event. One should not trigger their partner and do something intentionally to make them angry. Nevertheless, in order to fight clean, you got to put your opinion in a thoughtful way. We have come up with some of the unusual techniques that will let you utilize your time in the right way. Be sure to have a conclusion after a fight and reach a decision. Fight with your partner the right way by following these productive methods.
1. Intervention
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This is something which can avoid the occurrence of a fight entirely. If you think your partner is doing something wrong or is addicted to a life-threatening habit, then it is not wrong to include their friends and family members. Though, it is highly recommended not to include others in a personal matter, but if it is something that affects your partner’s entire life, then there is no harm in calling their friends and family, as they would be equally concerned about them as well.
Call an intervention and ask everyone to raise their concern in a subtle way. Try to make it as emotional as possible and ask your partner to listen. This will help you put things in the right way and your partner will also realize how big the issue is.
2. Figure out a right time and place
Most of the fights go out of the proportion because we are not able to utilize the correct time and place. Too often, we go with the heat of the moment and let our anger make all the decisions for us. Try to avoid raising an argument when you are already angry at your partner.
Instead, wait for the right time and place. Avoid public places. If there is something you need to discuss with your partner, then go home and initiate the conversation in a pragmatic manner. Don’t embarrass them in front of their friends or loved ones. This would put them in a very awkward position.
3. Setting the background
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When you are conveying your thoughts, let them know the reason behind it. Often, we simply jump to a conclusion without giving our partner a pragmatic reason. Ask them a few questions and listen to their side of the story before putting any allegation on your partner.
Let them know why you are having this conversation. It is extremely important that you pour your heart and soul out here.
4. State the issue in a clear way
Now, when you are already having the relevant conversation with your partner, don’t hold yourself back. When you are fighting, don’t bring something that your significant other would have done a few years back.
Remember, during any fight, there are two kinds of conversations that take place simultaneously. The conversation that you think you are having and the other would be from your partner’s perspective. If you don’t narrate the issue in a clear and precise manner, then your partner might think of it as something else. Don’t let them read anything between the lines or have any wrong presumptions.
5. Let them know your intent
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This is one of the most crucial parts, which is often neglected. Whenever you are having an argument with your partner, let them know your intent. This is the golden rule of fighting clean with your significant other, as it would make them realize how much you care for them.
“I want you to quit smoking because I care about you. It is not good for your health and is harming your body. I can’t live without you. I want to be with you for the years to come. Please, quit smoking, if you want the same thing. Don’t you want to stay with me as well, without having any health issues?”
“I want you to quit smoking. I can’t be with a smoker!”
Did you see the difference here? It’s all about your correct intent. Let them know your intent and make it as emotional as possible. This will let you convey your notion in a heartfelt way.
Suggested read: 25 mushy things to say to your girlfriend after a fight
6. Not repeating yourself
Needless to say, if you would keep repeating the same thing over and over again, you will lose the value of your argument. Not only it will start irritating your partner, but at some point, they would simply stop listening to those same repetitive things.
7. Listen to your partner
When you are angry at them and would like to shout out loud – calm yourself. Instead, have a glass of water and listen to your partner. There are always two sides of the story. Chances are that could be missing a whole different side of it. Give your partner an equal opportunity to explain things.
After when you have conveyed your notion, stop yourself for a while. Give your partner a chance to share what they have in mind. You never know, they might end up changing the nature of the argument by giving a valid reason.
8. No generalization
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No two individuals in this world are same. Just because you have had an issue with your ex in the past, it doesn’t mean that your current partner would have the same behavior. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Never generalize them in a category. No, you are better than that!
9. Don’t demand an assurance
Trust is the foundation of every relationship. If you will keep asking them for a validation, then chances are they might stop trusting you as well. If they have given you their word regarding something, start believing them. Don’t ask them to give you proofs or any other kind of assurance. This could start a whole different story in your relationship.
10. Keep your feelings aside
Yes! This might sound strange, but when you are having a fight with your partner, try not to be emotional. Give them a valid reason and let your fight be more content driven than emotional driven. If you include your feelings in it, then it might become dirty. In order to fight clean with your partner, you need to have a more pragmatic approach. Be more neutral and don’t let your feelings drive your judgment.
11. Have a timeout
If your fight is going out of the proportion and you are starting to feel that it might continue for a long time, then it is highly recommended to have a timeout. Try to come up with a word, something like “Pause” or even “Timeout” that the two of you can use in the middle of the fight. It would be your chance to let your partner know that your relationship matters so much more to you than a silly fight.
Suggested read: Top 10 reasons why married couples fight
12. Don’t look for leverage
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Just because you are losing an argument doesn’t mean you need some leverage. Threatening your partner or letting them know that you might leave them is an extremely irresponsible move. Are you ready to walk away from a healthy relationship just to have the last word? Have a neutral perspective and stop looking for any kind of leverage. Be more calm and understanding. This will encourage your partner to be more honest and transparent in the relationship.
Follow these thoughtful steps to make sure that fighting in relationships cleanly with your partner. A single argument can sometimes cause an irrevocable damage to your relationship. Understand the value of your relationship and don’t let the heat of the moment ruin it. It takes years to have a nurturing relationship, but only a single fight to destroy everything. Don’t make this disastrous mistake and be sure to have productive discussions with your partner instead of those dreadful fights. Fight clean and let your partner know how fortunate they are to have someone like you by their side!
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
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