It’s probably tougher than you think – to get out of a relationship. Because, you have invested yourself in it and feel obligated towards the other person involved. Often, people are simply stuck in meaningless relationships despite them knowing that there is absolutely nothing left in that façade they call a relationship.
It’s hard to understand why most people stay in a loveless relationship unless you have experienced it yourself. Personally, I have seen a handful of couples who were probably in denial for a very long time before they parted ways, and trust me, it was for the best. They somehow weren’t good together but still held on due to various reasons. It’s terrible and also a little sad, because couples feel helpless and don’t know if it’s worth taking a chance and separating.
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When you are involved with a person a little too deeply than you would want to be, you aren’t sure if you’d be alright without that person. No matter how difficult it is for you to keep up with that loveless relationship. You fear being alone and fear the consequences of a bad breakup. It’s mostly all these things that don’t allow you to take a step forward and call it off. Something holds you back and it’s not love. It’s anything but love; it’s all the feelings that have been suppressed inside of you; you feel vulnerable and scared. You probably don’t want to take a chance to get out of it, because you think the best alternative is to put up with this person and live a lie.
Suggested read: 10 reasons your relationship is not moving forward
And then, there are other times when you sit and ponder as to how to get out of a relationship without incurring major damages. You begin to make note of the implications, the serious ones and the not so serious ones. The ones that will cause you heartburn and then imagining how it is to live with or without that heart burn.
Here are some tips we hope will help you decide and also help you with ending a relationship:
1. A third person’s opinion
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Sometimes, it’s hard to play judge to your own life. You could be biased and may not have clarity and fail to see what exactly is happening. A close friend could help in such cases, provided the friend is not equally biased and doesn’t tell you things to please you. You need a friend who is honest and doesn’t hesitate to give you strong feedback while also helping you cope with the situation. So, when you discuss your issues with this friend, they would play an instrumental role in helping you understand if the relationship that you are in, is worth it or not. Sometimes, you have that one friend who always tells you whether or not a person is right for you; listen to that friend, we say!
2. Get over the fear
Over the years, I have had a lot of women posting “anonymous” posts on different women’s support groups online, whether they must walk out of their marriage or a relationship owing to the varied problems that their partner is causing them. But their ultimate query boils down to their fear and whether or not they will be able to handle the aftereffects of their strong/harsh decision. Dale Carnegie, in his book How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, provides a quick help technique by means of these 3 things that one must be prepared for in a time of distress or worry. I figured this can be applied to a lot of problems in life. So the three things that you need to be prepared for are:
- What is the worst that can possibly happen if I can’t solve my problem?
- Prepare yourself mentally to accept the worst – if necessary
- Then calmly try to improve upon the worst – which you have already mentally agreed to accept
A lot of people have remained single and happy for years, and there is nothing wrong with that. Moreover, we think it’s any day better to stay single than be in a suffering relationship and constantly wondering how to get out of a relationship.
3. Don’t compromise too much
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One would ask, how do I know that I am compromising too much? The answer lies in the question – when it’s too much! And how much is too much, you ask? Anything that you are uncomfortable with. So, have you had to sacrifice a lot more than your partner for the sake of your relationship? Are you constantly living on the edge and feel violated? Do you feel unfairly burdened? If you’ve had a lot of “yes”es to these questions, you may want to reconsider your relationship and not settle for less.
4. Open up
Some people hate confrontation. The result is that they end up with an elephant in the room! Unless you talk about your problems with your partner, they are not going to empathize or understand what you are going through. Also, chances are that it was just a little misunderstanding, and once you have opened up and made your thoughts transparent, you could either improve your relationship or know for sure that it’s best to end it.
5. Have you turned numb?
There is a high possibility of something like this happening to people who spend years in an unhealthy relationship. You go numb, no feelings at all. No feelings whatsoever, no matter how hard you try. Your heart has probably stopped beating – figuratively speaking, and the only reason you are still in the relationship is because of other pressures or fears. When you stop caring and stop revolting, you turn into a person who is least interested in anything, whose tolerance levels have reached its limit yet you don’t want any confrontation and are willing to let it all float beside you. When you feel this way, our only relationship advice to you would be to get out of this kind of a relationship.
Suggested read: 10 vital tips on how to end a marriage amicably
6. You are in it because of everything else except love
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It’s quite interesting but it’s true that people do marry for a lot of other reasons that don’t include love. Parental pressure, status complications, green cards and citizenships, fear of being left alone, and then of course, wealth! So, if there is no love in your relationship, you might as well get married to an enemy! The longer you take to get out of it, the more you are wasting your own time.
7. Are you a victim of the Stockholm Syndrome?
The other way to answer this question would be by answering – are you in love with your abuser? Some people stay in abusive relationships only because they get used to it. They eventually learn to love the person and sometimes are blackmailed emotionally to be in it. Is your partner doing this to you? Do you feel that your partner has always begged for forgiveness after repeatedly hurting you? Hurting you physically, mentally, and emotionally – all of these count. Find out for yourself if you are indeed being violated, because that’s simply not done!
8. Expecting the other person to change
So, your partner has not been at their best behavior for years now, and you still feel that you must give them another chance. They failed their second chance and did miserably in the third too. Since then, it has been about thirty eight chances, and still no improvement. Haven’t you learnt your lesson yet? These people will never change!
9. Ask yourself, are you happy?
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I’d regard this as the most important question in life. You need to be happy with whatever you do and with whoever you are. But, if you don’t find happiness being with this person, you may never find it over the years. So don’t fool yourself and put yourself through misery; you don’t have to stay in a relationship that doesn’t make you happy. It’s time you move!
10. Ask yourself, are you making the other person happy?
Fine, we get that you may or may not be happy in your relationship, but are you making the other person happy? Do you bring out the best in that person? Some relationships are set up for failure and no amount of effort and investment will change the existing equation.
11. Being comfortable is not a good enough reason to stay
Some couples spend decades with each other and when asked to describe their relationship, they often use the word “comfortable.” Well, does it occur to you that comfortable is probably another word for compromise? So, maybe you are comfortable with this person, but on the other hand, this is not what you deserve. Getting used to a routine with someone might make you feel that things are perfect. However, a routine that you are accustomed to might not really be what your relationship needs. We all need new challenges and adventures. So, has your relationship lost that spark at the hands of “comfort”? Think again.
12. Take a break
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One of the most popular approaches to turbulent relationships is to take a break from each other. This way, you can clear your head and really take time off to see how much you value and miss the other person. If you think you can function without a glitch without that person being around, then you sure can do without them. Taking a break from each other is a logical thing to do, because you get your space to think carefully and you do get to see life without that person and judge for yourself if it’s the right thing to do.
These are 12 tips on how to get out of a relationship. We hope this relationship advice helped you assess your own relationship. All said and done, if you have a feeling that says it’s not working out, we suggest you go with your gut and get out of there!
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
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