Our body might be made up of all those billions of cells that make us who we are, but our soul constitutes of our resentment and fear. It is a mixed bag of emotions like regret and contentment. There are only a handful of people in this world who are able to find a perfect balance in their life. If you want to overcome your fears, you need to start by acknowledging it.
There is no greater fear than the fear of abandonment. With it, you won’t be able to sustain a healthy long-term relationship. It is believed that we often repeat the relationship we had with our parents and we fall back into the same pattern over and over again. If you want to break free and come out of the vicious circle, then you have to make an effort.
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No matter what kind of relationships you could have had with your parents or siblings when you were a kid, but you can’t allow your past to write your future. Abandonment issues in relationships might be taking away your chance of happiness. Do you really want to live an entire life by building a wall around your heart and keeping it safe inside a box? Life is for the living and it is time for you to start making some progress too. Take it one step at a time and overcome your fear of abandonment by taking these simple steps.
1. Stop blaming yourself
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You need to make yourself believe that you were not responsible for whatever happened in your past. No matter how many failed relationships you could have had, but you can never let your fear control your future. Most of the people who are living with this kind of a fear don’t think very highly of themselves, which makes it hard for them to trust others.
Soon, you will realize that you haven’t made a mistake. It is high-time you stop blaming yourself and move on to get something new – something way more beautiful.
2. Recognize your fear
This is one of the most crucial and initial steps of overcoming your fears. You can’t surpass your issues if you don’t acknowledge them. Try to imagine your fear as a person or a thing that is resting inside you. Now, you need to make an effort in order to destroy it. Start by visualizing your fear and shape it into a tangible form. Accepting the fact that you have abandonment issues in relationships is a battle half won.
3. Dig a little deeper
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It has been believed that death is a major cause of abandonment issues in relationships. Though, anything from a broken heart to a distant parent could have caused it as well. After recognizing your fear, you need to identify its root. Chances are that you might need to revisit your path and go back to your childhood memories in order to know the reason behind your fear.
You can’t really ignore it without getting it off from its root cause. The path won’t be tough and chances are that you might suffer from an emotional turmoil. It would be a rollercoaster ride and you have to stay strong in order to surpass it. We recommend maintaining a journal during this process and writing down every possible thing related to your fear that would connect you to your past. This will let you see your life from a different perspective.
4. Ask for help
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This would be one hell of a journey, which might tear you apart. If you think you are losing your inspiration, then ask your friends for some help. Chances are that by digging deeper, you might come up with a significant incident that happened when you were a kid. Reach out to your parents to discuss it and know its cause. If you need some professional help, then don’t hesitate to visit a therapist. Remember that your fears are growing with you and you might need to seek some professional help to get rid of them.
5. Take a leap of faith
After knowing what went wrong in the past, you have to take the next big step. You can’t go back and undo what happened, but you have your future – and you can already create a happier tomorrow. Take a leap of faith to overcome your issues and go out there. It might get a little bumpy in the beginning, but you need to meet others and get back in the dating game if you want to settle down or have someone to lean on.
6. Know your worth
Too often, when people take their first step, they stumble or make the mistake of being with the wrong group of people. You need to make sure you have the kind of people by your side who would love you unconditionally. Try to analyse your life and come out of every poisonous relationship that is making you feel depressed or incomplete. Know your worth – you don’t have to settle for anything less than you deserve. Take your time. Even if it would take a forever to find your right fit, it would be worth it!
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7. Stop generalizing everything
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Just because something bad happened to you in the past, doesn’t mean that you will keep making the same mistakes over and over again. Remember, you were a different person back then. Now, when you have recognized your fear and have come out of it, you can have a long-lasting and healthy relationship. Don’t put a label on everything and stop resisting this change in your life. Follow your heart and do what you think is right.
8. Let go of your fear
When you find someone really worth holding, don’t let your abandonment issues come in your way. You have to make sure that you end that living and breathing form of fear that was living inside you. Be honest with your partner and let them know about your past and how it changed you.
If they love you, they will make an effort and will accompany you in your journey. You need to look at your fear, eye to eye, place it in a jar, and throw it away. There would be a part of you that would make you second guess it all. You might go cold feet, but with some encouragement, you would be able to let go of it. The moment you surround yourself with the people you love, you will realize that the battle was worth it!
9. Don’t be overly dependent on someone
This might surprise you, but you can’t be extensively dependent on someone else. Even if your partner is helping you to overcome your abandonment issues, you can’t stop trying. They can push you to take the next step, but you have to progress on your own. Remember, this is your journey and only you can decide its outcome.
10. Take it slow
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Coming out of our fear is not an event. It’s a process. It’s not a one-time thing. You would need to overcome your fear multiple times in order to let go of it. It might get a little overwhelming at times, but you can’t let your fear control your actions. Take it one step at a time and find peace with yourself. Remember, it’s not about the destination – it’s your journey that matters the most.
11. Don’t suppress your emotions
When you would be revisiting your past, you might experience emotions like guilt, resentment, anger, or betrayal. You can’t suppress all these emotions as this would only fuel your fear. Feel them. Let them make you stronger. Be vulnerable – there is no harm in being emotional or sensitive at times. It is what makes you human.
12. Believe
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Because you can’t win this war without some faith. The toughest of battles are not fought with someone else, they are fought within. Your body and soul would be your battleground as you would fight against yourself. Without some determination and optimism, you can’t really win this war and overcome your fear. You need to make yourself realize how much you want this. You are worthy of being happy. The only one who can stop you from being happy is yourself! You can decide the outcome of this battle even before its commencement. The power lies in you. Within you.
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It wasn’t that tough, right?
Handling abandonment issues in relationships might be difficult in the beginning, but once you acknowledge your fear and take a leap of faith, nothing in this world can stop you. Don’t expect your partner to change you. It should come from deep within and if you always stay resistant, chances are that even your partner might give up on you as well. You got to stop blaming your fear for a failed relationship. It was never your fear. It was you.
Now is the time to make things right. Make amends and put all the broken pieces of you back together. Sometimes, you have to be your own hero. It is now when you save your world from falling apart. It is time to choose you over your fears.
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