A lot of people are very vocal about their intense dislike for love. The reason why they are haters of love might be varied, but one of the most common one is having suffered from heartbreak, which might have led to losing faith in love itself. Like this, falling in and out of love can have multiple effects which completely changes the way you look at life and the way you shape your future.
Not everyone finds their soul mate in their 20s, neither has anyone been destined to be alone forever. Falling in love is a gradual process, which when happens, it happens so suddenly that you will scarcely be able to realize it yourself. Falling out of love, also, is similarly an unprecedented phenomenon, which gives a lot of practical and valuable life lessons, which makes you a stronger individual.
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Here are some of the most important things that I have learnt, after falling in and out of love.
1. Falling in love is not something that anyone can plan beforehand
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In order to prevent heartbreak, you may carefully plan out a strategy, think of a definite future where you fall in love at a particular age with a particular kind of person and even decide how you are going to spend your time with them. However, if that is what you have in mind, then life is certainly going to take you by surprise, because you can never, ever plan these things. What you have to understand is that falling in love involves another human being, and they are not going to act according to your plan. You never know when and with whom you will fall in love with, which makes the experience erratic, unprecedented, and exciting as well.
2. You never really know a person unless you spend a lot of time with them
Falling in love is one of the most wonderful, fulfilling feelings ever. You do so with the presumption that you are going to spend the rest of your life with your partner, and there is no thought more comforting than that. You also tend to think that you know everything there is to know about them, just because you love each other deeply. That is not true. After falling in and out of love, what I have realized is that it takes a considerable amount of time spent together, until all your inhibitions are lost and the initial excitement of new love has died, that you truly get to know a person. They might turn out to be completely different from what you thought them to be.
3. The word ‘forever’ should not be thrown around
New lovers and even those who have been together for a substantial amount of time tend to over-romanticize the concept of ‘forever,’ especially with regards to their relationship and each other. However, what they don’t realize is that nothing can be predetermined like that, and you never know what will happen tomorrow. Whether it is a relationship of several years or a marriage, it takes one mistake to change your entire perspective about a person you thought you knew which may lead to you falling out of love as well. Hence, ‘forever’ is not a word which should be taken for granted.
4. Compatibility is more important that people care to admit
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One of the most underrated additions on the list of things to consider when you are in a relationship is the degree to which you are compatible with your partner. One thing I have learnt after falling in love, and out of it time and again, is that no matter how much you love each other, you have to be on the same mental plane, and complement each other, in order for your relationship to work out. I can tell you for a fact that the saying, “opposites attract,”is highly overrated.
5. A major part of the process is out of your control
It is true that after you have fallen in love with another individual, you can control some aspects of your relationship, change some things about yourself, and ask your partner to make some compromises as well in order to make your relationship work. However, what I have also learnt is that a lot of it is out of your control, because of which perfectly good relationships can disintegrate at any moment, and people who were least likely to fall in love and stay in love, do so.
6. Falling out of love is hard, every single time
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If you believe in the concept of finding “The One” for you, your soul mate, the person you believe was predestined to be with you, having many relationships, and dealing with many heartbreaks is normal. However, what other people don’t seem to understand is that it is hard every single time. You cannot be in love with a person for the sake of it. When you fall in love, you do it with everything you have, and when your heart is broken, it is very difficult to deal with, no matter how many times it has happened.
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7. Falling in love is exhilarating, no matter how many times it happens
Just like you having your heart broken more than once is as difficult each time it happens, falling in love is also something that you can never get tired of. Just because you have fallen in love before, does not mean that you will not feel the same butterflies, the same exhilaration, and the same excitement if it happens to you again. There is no substitute for the feeling, and every time feels like the first time.
8. It is important to let go of things that are not good for you
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One of the most important lessons you learn is letting go of the things that you have realized is not conducive to your health or growth in any way. You have to learn to recognize the signs, and act on them before you suffer from irreparable damage caused to you by your relationship. Sometimes, after you fall out of love, you tend to think and over-think about your relationship, and whether letting go was a mistake. Instead of thinking about all the good things about it, think of the reasons why you decided to leave that person and move on with your life, instead of holding on to what you thought were good times and memories.
9. It is different every time you fall in love
Even though falling in love every time is exhilarating and as exciting as the first time, one thing that you have to come to terms with is that every single time you fall in love, it is different. Even if you have been in love only once, you are bound to go down that well-traveled road again, but it will never be the same, simply because no two individuals are the same, and loving them will be vastly different. Also, you learn from your mistakes, which makes you a very different kind of lover the next time around, which is always a good thing.
10. It is important to be selfish sometimes
A lot of people are afraid of taking certain life-altering decisions, simply because they are afraid of hurting the other person. When you are dealing with things such as love, you have to put yourself before anyone else, at least when it comes to taking decisions about the present and the future. You cannot be with someone who doesn’t make you happy, even if they claim that you make them happy. You are inevitably going to suffer in the future. One of the most important lessons I have learnt from falling in and out of love is that no matter how miserable you feel about hurting the other person, they will move on, and you will have better things waiting for you.
11. There is no shame or guilt in falling in and out of love
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Society is not a very nice place. It is a place where people are quick to judge and point fingers at anyone who does not conform to the conventional views and adhere to what they have defined as “normal” and “accepted” and “decent.” One of the ideas that society seems to have imposed on people is that you can fall in love only once, and if you break that rule, then you are indecisive, shallow, flirtatious, and possibly even asexual. What I have learnt is that all that is bullshit. Your life is your own, and if you stick with something that is not right for you because of societal pressures, then you are the one who is going to suffer, and not the people who pressurized you into thinking a certain way. There is no shame in falling in and out of love, because that it your way of securing your future and your happiness.
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12. It always gets better
You might think that falling in and out of love is very erratic on your part, and that maybe you are not meant for love. Thoughts like these are natural and you need not be ashamed of them. However, there is one thing that I can promise you with absolute certainty – it always, always, always gets better. When you end a relationship, you might think that it is the end of your life as you know it, and you are destined to be forever alone. When you fall in love again, you might think that this is certainly The One, but they might not be. There is no need to be disheartened because it almost always gets better, because there is someone, made especially for you.
If you are someone who has fallen in and out of love, then you should know that you are absolutely right in doing so, because you were brave enough to come to terms with a reality most people are afraid to face. You decided to dictate life on your own terms. However, if you are still feeling alone and miserable, think of it this way – there is someone out there, who is going through the same thing, which is essentially a buffer period, a process of growth, all directed towards meeting you, just like you are getting ready to meet them!
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