While it is easier to list out the traits that men deem ‘desirable’ in women, it is almost impossible to come up with a counterpart list that holds equally well. There tends to be a certain uniformity in men’s views about the absolute ‘must-have’ traits that make a woman attractive. Women, on the other hand, are more selective and have their own ‘customized’ definitions of a man who has ‘it.’ Now, don’t think dirty, just coz I am penning this one folks, and don’t think that you wouldn’t be getting what the title promises either. I am up for the challenge of listing out traits that I can bet women all around the globe would be nodding in agreement with, although they may proceed to add several others (say beards or an itemized reading list or even a must-have Merc, I don’t know) to create what I called their ‘customized’ version of their ‘dream man.’ After all, character and personality differences are bound to create a variable definition, and necessarily so.
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Having said that, it is important to declare that selectiveness ≠ randomness. Contrary to popular belief, there is, in fact, a meaningful evolutionary principle at play in the so-called ‘random’ preferences of the ‘complicated’ female mind. The reason it becomes difficult to explore the realm is the inability of the male species to look for a deep-lying pattern embedded within these preferences, irrespective of culture, race or ethnicity. People get stuck at the surface, trying to compare the ‘custom requirements’ of each woman, thereby getting confused and boggled. As such, they miss the homogeneous essence of what all women desire in their potential mates – the core traits.
Suggested read: Qualities in men that a modern woman desires
So, let’s look at what are the core traits that women tend to select over and over, regardless of any intrinsic or extrinsic factor. Bring out a notepad and scribble away guys, coz here is a list of the ‘traits’ that are an absolute ‘must-have’ to become attractive to women:
1. Have a passion
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There is nothing more off-putting than a man who does not care about his own life. A man who fails to exhibit a passion in life, displays a conspicuous lack of long-term goals, and worse, seems to have no qualms about this ‘lacuna’ is throwing repellant bombs in the direction of the ladies. On the other hand, a man who is responsible in his own life and displays an acute sense of awareness about what he wants to achieve, immediately ups his score on the ‘attractiveness board.’ There is a special quality about men, who not only know about where they are heading in life, but follow through with a concrete plan of action to get there!
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2. Be emotionally ‘present’
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I cannot stress enough the importance of this one. All women want a man who is ‘present’ in the relationship. And not for a romp in the sack. Real emotional availability. A woman needs to know that a man is going to embrace her emotional needs with as much alacrity as he caters to his. There is nothing more attractive than a man who understands this inherent need of the female species and provides for it. The construct of ‘emotional availability,’ in simple terms, means to ‘be there.’ And I am sure you have heard that phrase enough to know just how important it is!!
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3. Be a gentleman
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This one is a big one. And it isn’t just about holding the door open, carrying those bags or having a purpose in life. It’s about understanding the power of detail – being careful about everything – from the little things like picking up after himself to the biggies like being respectful of every soul around, regardless of their station in life. These golden traits are a magical charm. One’s gentlemanly demeanor is a reflection on one’s manners, reliability, empathy, and compassion. Plus, it restores our faith that chivalry (in all its variable definitions) is merely weakened and will arrive with a superhero comeback, if only more men did this! And why, then, would a woman not make this gem of a (gentle)man ‘her man!’ 😉
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4. Have a ‘has-me-in-splits’ sense of humor
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A sense of humor is an important one in the checklist women have. But one has to be careful here. You do not want to be the cocky comedian who comes across as insecure, and therefore clingy. You also do not want to overdo the ‘funny’ and become goofy. Draw a balance. Become the guy who can make her laugh with your wiseass quips or a ‘shared’ sense of silliness. Jokes that are personal to the two of you give you a million brownie points. Coz they prove she is ‘special’ to you. So, make her laugh and she will be around for a long, long time.
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5. Be attentive as well as thoughtful
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Listening is a very important component of your relationship with a woman. Whether she rambles on about a bad day at work or is chirping away about her favorite band, listen and listen close. Follow up the ‘being attentive’ bit with a ‘thoughtful gesture.’ If you take her to a concert soon, she will know you were really listening and you will make headway by another thousand miles along the path to her heart, in the blink of an eye. I mean, she roots for the teams you love, watches those ohh-so-abhorrent-in-her-mind movies with you coz you like them, picks out restaurants that you like, and surprises you with a fancy meal she took hours to cook – wouldn’t it be nice if you reciprocated, eh?
6. Be sensitive
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For the last time, being sensitive does not make you a sissy. Women like men who are sensitive to their needs, look out for them, and are considerate toward their feelings. A man who shuts out often, shows no regard for any emotions other than his own, ignores or avoids facing ‘issues’ head-on, and snaps back with a derogatory rebuttal or worse, a judgment isn’t doing much to help his case with the fairer sex.
7. Display strength of character
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A man must have a strong ethico-moral compass and must adhere to its direction at all times. There are no excuses for a slip in behavior that does not uphold the tenets that govern a man of integrity. A man who displays conscientiousness, a strong combination of will power, self-control, determination, grit, reliability, and hard work is a man who becomes magnetically appealing to women.
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8. Invest in ‘you’
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Remember that a man who looks for validation outside of himself or derives his sense of worth from external factors hasn’t really grown into ‘manhood.’ A real man shall invest in himself and derive happiness from his being. He shall know, not only to groom himself, work on his appearance and manners but also that change isn’t about becoming a different person but a better (possibly the best possible) version of oneself. This kind of self-awareness results in a conscious decision to continually grow and evolve vis-à-vis nurturing and enriching ‘I.’ The investment, therefore, fetches its due return. That’s right, we appreciate this!!
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9. Unleash that strong spirit
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Mental health, resilience, intelligence, integrity, maturity, confidence, extraversion, straightforwardness are all traits that women look for in a man. These are signals of quality that shall help you ace the first lap of the ‘being attractive race.’ It is only after crossing this juncture that women will move beyond the merely generic and open up that ‘customized’ check list they have built.
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10. Show us the tender defender
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We like a man who can be agreeable as well as aggressive. And while this confounds most men, it is a very simple equation. We do not want men who vacillate between the dual ends of the spectrum but someone who can strike an optimal balance. Show us that we can feel safe with you while also having no qualms about crying when you see Up for the first time. You should display a powerful assertiveness in life while retaining the sweet, kind, and tender nature we crave. Coz ‘a lady on the streets and a prostitute between the sheets’ does have its counterpart.
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11. Give us social proof
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A man who has a close-knit group of friends, a steady career, and displays a strong sense of connection to his family is living proof of social competence. His interpersonal relations, sense of responsibility, and effectivity are proof that he shall invest in and immensely value the bond he has with his partner. Attraction-antennae receiving signal!!
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12. Follow it up with romance
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Last, but in no way lesser important, is romance. Women are in no way looking for a man who tries to seal the deal on the basis of his individual traits. A woman will only take it forward when they have the R-proof. Romantic, duh uh! And whilst men kind of get lost here, they need to understand that this crucial factor makes all the difference. Women look for a guy who can show escalating commitment as the relationship progresses. Women need to feel that you are interested, appreciate them, and love them enough to work hard throughout. After all, Travis McGee said,
“Only a woman of pride, complexity and emotional tension is genuinely worth the act of love, and there are only two ways to get yourself one of them. Either you lie, and stain the relationship with your own sense of guile, or you accept the involvement, the emotional responsibility, the permanence she must by nature crave. I love you can be said only two ways.”
Up for saying it yet??
I hope you have taken note, guys. Coz without these, you don’t even qualify, let alone win!
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