For those of you who have been roving about the streets of Date-ville, you’d testify to the presence of a minuscule number of thoroughly good chaps and suave gentlemen alongside the ever-growing populace of Lotharios with questionable morals and downright cheating scumbags! Filtering the former rarer breed from the abundant members of the town is a hard task to do. More often than not, you end up dating one from the latter club, masquerading about as a perfect gentleman when a reality-check makes you understand that you aren’t really the girlfriend you thought you were but a sidepiece, a manipulated secret or worse, a dirty mistress! You are the backup convenience of the rat who has had no qualms about stringing you along until he found some other hole to roll in. And then, you rewind to your dates and start noticing the signs he was just not that into you. They were always there and if only you could hit ‘refresh’ now and close the chapter with him like a pop-up ad that only works up your frustration.
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If only..you could read the signs that he is just not that into you..sooner..
Suggested read: Are you in a relationship with a real man?
There is, however, a proviso to this somewhat painful situation. No matter how much the words ‘he is just not that into you’ sting, the pain isn’t your fault, ever. Of course, you were enjoying the high of the love dope and refused to see the REAL but love does that to the best of us. But there is one thing we can give ourselves- forgiveness. True the signs a guy is not into you aren’t always as visible to us as we may like them to be, but the reason that the truth ‘he’s just not that into you’ stings so much is coz we have, for the most part, lived in active denial of the secretly obvious clues! And it is in the acceptance of our denial, an understanding of the signs and perhaps, a more aware approach toward dating in the future that our peace lies.
So, for us ladies, here are all the signs that he is not into you:
1. He doesn’t have time for YOU
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We are none of us lazing about on beaches all the time, sipping pina coladas. But despite having our hands full, we do manage to use the same freaky fingers that type away furiously on the keyboard at work to pick up the phone and text, or even better call. A guy can do that too. Especially so, if you are important. After all, we all make room for things that are important right. So if his fingers are chopped off in some freaky ‘text-o-phobia accident’ or he claims to be ‘too busy’ 24*7, you have a reason to bail. He is just not that into you – it’s that simple.
2. He isn’t around
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A major tell-tale sign of him just not being that into you is unavailability. If he does not show (via action) that he would be there for you, regardless the situation, you might do better to quit cold turkey. After all, nobody needs someone who hangs about to feast on the treat and bails as soon as the shit is splattered about. Isn’t the world full of people like that already? You don’t need one on your SO-list, right!
3. The ‘talking’ is always out for walking
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This is my litmus test for gauging a guy’s interest in me. If the ‘talk’ is always out for a walk, I have all the reasons in the world to doubt his motivations in being with me. A lack of interest in talking about our lives (individually or otherwise), sharing stuff and communicating is a BIG red flag to me. If you are the one initiating conversation at all times, finding yourself texting or calling him first and worse, ending up being ignored, dodged or on the receiving end of monosyllabic or curt replies, jam on the brakes hard before you crash your relationship-car.
4. There’s a lethal Ex-factor
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We all are guilty of not emptying our hearts but building on top of the rubble of our past. And that is quite alright until..you are dining with him when he mentions the restaurant was his ex’s favorite. Uh oh <awkward pause>..but okay, you can do with that. But then he browses through the menu in two and orders all his ex’s favorites too, taking care you know she loved them…and you think, ‘well, maybe…’ when he goes on to tell you that they did it in the restroom, right there. Red Alert. Run, run for your life, girl- just run!
Suggested read: 10 things every man should know before dating
5. You see him when it’s convenient for him
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And oh, this one is as bad as it gets. This is a major sign of being ‘taken for granted’ – a slow poison for all relationships. And you don’t want that, do you?
6. And it almost always ends in sex
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Plus, when he ensures that he injects some of this poison into you too at the end of the ‘date’ (booty call) he arranged at his convenience, you cannot help but lie there and think about going away from him whilst he is ‘coming’ in you!
7. The pivot around which your equation revolves is HE, not WE
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If his ramble about his irritating boss and excitement at the Knicks’ victory and double excitement at his ex’s current beau’s bankruptcy are all you hear without ever getting an outlet to vent or even speak about anything pertaining to the WE-quotient (if there is) in your relationship, much less the ME, the greatest favor you can do yourself is take the EXIT.
8. His body gives him away
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If he isn’t making eye contact, maintaining a stiff posture, turning his torso away from you, keeping a distance from you and is seemingly unaffected by the conspicuous absence of any physical chemistry betwixt you two, read the writing on the wall and perhaps, leave him a ‘goodbye’ post-it in the same place! Coz he is just not that into you, honey!
9. He is a closed book you aren’t allowed to open
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A guy who does not have anything to share with you about his life is hiding something. In an age bathed in social media, a secrecy about any facet of his life and worse, keeping you off it is a give-away that he is prepared to drop you whilst avoiding the obvious tech and/or friend circle repercussions!
10. You are a non-entity in his ‘life’
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If it has been a while and you still haven’t heard a ‘have you met James or Annie or Sam or maybe even his dog Bruno?’ he does not plan on keeping you around for long!
11. You are constantly in doubt
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If you are constantly wondering if this is right, if feeling anxious, irritated, upset and sad for the most part is okay, if he is just stringing you along or keeping you on standby, you are already thinking too hard. And thinking right. Something in us knows! And knows right!
Suggested read: 10 things every man should know before committing in a relationship
12. Your gut feeling attests to the signs
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And this is it! You know for sure that he is not that into you.
So, the next time any of those ‘heard-that-one-before’ excuses like “I’m not big on PDA,” or “I didn’t want to make it any harder for you” roll by, get up and leave! You deserve better, much, much better!
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