I was introduced to the wonderful world of Harry Potter by my cousin when I was 14. Since then, I can’t remember the number of times I’ve thanked her for it – maybe not verbally, but mentally for sure! Although she herself didn’t finish reading the books, I have read each of the seven books at least thrice over the years. As much as the books are for pre-teens, adolescents, and teenagers, I still find valuable lessons every time I read any of the seven books. Be they pertaining to life in general, friendships and the inherent goodness of people, or the ultimate lesson that good always triumphs over evil. Sometimes it’s hard to believe the last one, but nevertheless, it is one that I truly believe in.
Anyway, the books are an amazing source of pearls of wisdom that can be applied to dating and relationships too. Surprised? Let me prove it to you.
1. It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that.
– Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone
It’s great to have dreams of finding your soul mate and living happily ever after. But if you just dream about it and not actually doing anything to achieve it, then what is the use of having those dreams? Because your soul mate doesn’t necessarily walk into your room with the words ‘soul mate’ emblazoned on her forehead. Go out, meet new people, connect with them. If you find a rare gem amongst all those you meet, then you’re already one step closer to your dream!
2. If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.
– Sirius Black, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
It is said that a man’s character and upbringing shines through by the way he behaves with people younger and inferior to him in life. In our daily lives, we come across so many people like waiters, security guards, the garbage disposal men, small kids, elevator operators, sales persons, and so on. Imagine your life without the thankless yet invaluable service these men and women provide. Despite the seeming inferior station of life they find themselves in, nobody has the right to demean and/or disparage them. Remember that.
3. Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open.
– Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
This couldn’t have been better put. Even in this day and age, people are hung up on religion, caste, community, and every little nuance in between. Parents and grandparents from older generations still put so much stock in these age old traditions and customs that many youngsters are caught in the crossfire, sometimes even paying with their lives. If only we let go of these shackles and embrace change with open arms, life and society in general would be so much better. Don’t you think?
4. Wit beyond measure is man’s greatest treasure.
– Rowena Ravenclaw, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Wit and humor are almost at the top of any person’s checklist of their ideal partners. It is not something added as an afterthought – no. If your partner makes you laugh and enjoy life for whatever limited time is given us by God, then it is worth sticking it out with that person. Humor, the ability to see the lighter side of life, the ability to laugh at oneself, are all invaluable in life. It’s not for nothing that it is said ‘laughter is the best medicine’!
5. It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be.
– Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
When you love someone, you love them for who and what they are, whatever their past may be and whatever their background be. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, he’s the chip off the old block, like father, like son – all of these idioms are used to describe the kids are not much different than their parents. That nature and nurture play a huge role when it comes to a person’s character and ethos. But sometimes, before judging a person because of their background and crossing them off your list of potential partners, you need to take a good, long look at them as an individual and what they are made of. Who knows, your snap decision might rob you off a really amazing person.
6. Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it.
– Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Relationships are a lot of work, and sometimes, despite your best efforts, they don’t work out. Breakups are sometimes inevitable. Grieve the demise of your relationship, introspect on all the things you would have done differently, and then move on. It is easier said than done, but it is something that has to be done. Numbing yourself with spirits or other substances or just not allowing yourself to feel the pain will only make it that much harder when that pain finally catches up to you. Just let the negative emotions go, the despair go, the anger go, and the relationship go.
7. Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike.
– Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Relationships are not always rosy, because almost all relationships go through their ups and downs. As time goes by, most relationships remain staid and there is little, if any, spark left. You may even feel indifferent towards your spouse. But both of you share equal responsibility for the demise of that spark that kept you coming back for more. If you think your relationship is worth the effort, then you need to give it your all to make it work.
8. I am what I am, an’ I’m not ashamed. ‘Never be ashamed,’ my ol’ dad used ter say, ‘there’s some who’ll hold it against you, but they’re not worth botherin’ with.
– Rubeus Hagrid, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
This quote by Hagrid reminds me of another favorite of mine by Max Lucado, which goes something like this, ‘You are the only you God made … God made you and broke the mold.’ Whatever be your quirks, idiosyncrasies, oddities, and eccentricities, you are unique and nobody can be you. When in a relationship, especially in the early days, it is tempting to be and act the way your partner expects you to, but in the long run, it is not going to stick. Be yourself and if you’re loved for it, then great. If not, then it wasn’t meant to be in the first place. You need to value yourself and never be ashamed of being the true you, because if you don’t then you’re selling yourself short.
9. Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it.
– Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Anger is a very destructive emotion. Words said in anger have a way of damaging even the oldest of relationships. You can never take back the words that you have uttered in anger, whether to your significant other or your parents or your kid. Similarly, a word of reassurance, a kind word at the right moment, a word of encouragement – all these are essential keep in mind. You never know, how you might be repaid for your good intentions!
10. The trouble is, humans do have a knack of choosing precisely those things that are worst for them.
– Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone
How wise is Dumbledore! When relationships don’t work out, there is usually a valid reason for it. But in your mind, you constantly rehash and analyze and contemplate what you could have done differently so that it hadn’t ended. If it didn’t work out, then it wasn’t meant to be. You’re better off without that person in your life. Don’t chase after that person who was most probably not worth it. Move on! Don’t waste your life and energy on someone who doesn’t value it.
11. Things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end, if not always in the way we expect.
– Luna Lovegood, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
This reminds of the quote, if you love someone, set them free; if it was meant to be, they’ll come back to you. Of course, I’m paraphrasing here, but you get the point. As mentioned in the previous point, you need to let go of someone who doesn’t want your love. Having said that, if they see the error of their ways and come back to you, then you need to make the choice of either having them in your life – again, or letting them go, once and for all, and move on.
12. Youth cannot know how age thinks and feels.
– Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
And the opposite is quite true as well! Age is just a number, and growing up is optional. There are 40-year-olds who act childishly, and there are 17-year-olds with a balanced and mature outlook in life. If you’re in a relationship with a person with a significant age difference, you would probably be bombarded by age-related queries. You two are the only ones who need to be okay with it. If you both have a good relationship, in the end, age fades into the background and ceases to matter.
Well, you just read what relationship lessons I took away from the Harry Potter series. Tell us in the comments what you thought of them.
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
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