Break-ups are more common the number of friends who console you by saying “he/she didn’t deserve you anyway.” Acceptance is always harder than assigning blame, and it’s usually easier to just blame yourself for losing out on someone so ‘perfect.’ Nope, you don’t need to be oh-so-noble about it, because neither is it helping you understand what went wrong nor is it the right idea in the first place.
Growing apart in a relationship is claiming hundreds of us- and more often than not, it is nobody’s fault in particular. Here’s why:
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1. Interest almost always wanes
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I feel that we’re designed this way, to be bored of things given enough time. You cannot blame someone for losing interest, it’s really not in their hands, and any effort to push forward the relationship at that point only generates frustration which only increases with time.
2. Incompatibility
Everybody has different standards and expectations out of a relationship. This coupled with different levels of patience and tolerance and several other miscellaneous qualities can easily derail the best of relationships.
3. Affairs
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#1 can ultimately lead to a very unsatisfactory relationship, and people tend to seek out a medium to vent their frustrations and their qualms without breaking it off cleanly. Many are of the opinion that affairs can help build stable relationships as long as your partner isn’t aware, the only thing it does is make you happy for a very short while. Slowly and surely, your center of focus is no longer your own relationship, and growing apart comes easier than making things work.
4. Bloated egos
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It doesn’t matter if you’re egoistic or not, there comes a point when it gets too much to handle. You feel self-righteous and wreck your chances at a frank discussion. Ultimately, you shut your doors to each other, begin making yourselves miserable and slowly grow apart.
5. Directions in life
You don’t control how someone else’s life goes, nor should you. Most teenage relationships don’t work out because of life expectations; people tend to want different things. Taking the once every 2 months train to the other side of the country isn’t an easy feat.
6. Suppressed emotions
Some people have a tendency to let relationships drag out, all the while putting a lot of effort into keeping a happy face. It never ever works that way, and nobody owes it to you to not breakup.
7. A constant repetition of ‘putting up’ with resentments
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This is usually the case with those with an inferiority complex when it comes to their partner, and the idea of working as hard as possible to make it work. This either gives the other person the impression that you’re a desperate ‘try hard’ or they just don’t notice it at all. Either way, it’s one of the surest paths to a breakup.
8. Busy schedules
We’re all ambitious, and we need to tend to our day to day work and/or experience new things every now and then if we think we need to grow. In these cases, either of the two happens. Either both of you get busier than usual and slowly drift apart, or worse, one of you is left stranded while the other has no idea of the trauma they go through. It leads to resentments, and at a later stage this ties to other pointers mentioned in the list leading to a natural breakup.
9. Priorities
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This is what happens when #1 and #8 take over. You lose interest, and they stop being important to you. The feelings they have for you stop mattering to you, and you slowly transition to a breakup phase.
10. Lack of sexual intimacy
Sex can be a great activity, especially when it comes to maintaining mutual interest. Depending on the kind of partner, improper sex might just lead to disappointment from their side.
11. Lack of communication
Lack of communication requires us to make assumptions about our partners, mostly notorious ones at that. Growing apart becomes easier, and this condition arises mainly due to swollen egos and suppressed resentments, leading you to believe that communication is pointless.
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12. Willingness to make effort
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This happens with almost every relationship there is, people stop making an effort after a certain point. Lack of interest, priorities, busy schedules, and the list is endless.
Growing apart in a relationship is something that I’ve found to be inevitable in my own experience, but it might not be the same for you. Keep these few pointers in mind so you can reshape your expectations and image of what a ‘relationship’ is. If anything, it’ll help you stay sane.
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