Dirty texting, also called ‘sexting,’ is one of the most popular things for couples to indulge in the 21st century. There are a substantial number of young adults who’re exchanging explicit images in the name of sexting. It’s become a norm in many ways for twenty-somethings to dirty text with their partner or casual fling. And why shouldn’t it be? After all, receiving a dirty text from your boyfriend or girlfriend is really, really sexy.
But it’s important to remember that there’s often a sinister side to this sensual game. Dirty texting shouldn’t be indulged in with every random person you’re dating — it’s worth it to wait a while, though it might seem needlessly paranoid. ‘Opportunistic sexting’ is real. At the beginning of the relationship, when you’re just getting to know your new partner, it might not be such a great idea.
Suggested read: Texting tips: 12 dos and don’ts to guide you through the initial dating phase
Here’s why.
1. You don’t know if you can trust them yet
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It’s true. It can’t be denied that sexting is dangerous to an extent. If your pictures wind up on the internet, or if your partner shows them to their friends, you might have to face immense humiliation.
2. You might not even have been intimate yet
If it’s a new relationship, you might still be in the flirty stage. At this point, it’s not wise to create unhealthily high expectations by sending pictures and sexts that might not reflect reality. Real life doesn’t have Instagram filters!
3. Your partner could be using you
This is another aspect of trust, which is still being built since you haven’t been around each other for too long yet. You might be enamored by the person you’re dating, but it can’t be said that you know their innermost thoughts. It could be that they’re only interested in the physical bit.
4. It’s too easy
Sexting is too much, too soon when you’re getting to know each other. Don’t push it. Let everything happen in the flow. Moreover, it’s important to connect with your partner on a mental level rather than jumping the gun and making it physical, unless you’re in it just for that like a FWB.
5. It can affect intimacy
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Smartphones create a false sense of intimacy. We might think we’re very close to someone, but it’s actually our phones fooling us. Dirty texting is for when you already know someone and are comfortable with them. Until then, focus on the real life conversations and the real life activities!
Checked off these points? You’re good. Now that you’ve realized that you and your partner are in a secure enough place to try some texting fun, here are some essential dos and don’ts for a stress free, fun, dirty texting experience.
Dos
1. Do talk about your fantasies
This is the perfect time to mention all the fantasies you’ve been too shy to bring up in conversation. It’s often easier to verbalize things when texting, so use this opportunity to make your partner aware of all the sexy fantasies you’ve been having about them. Believe me, they’ll appreciate it and probably be more than ready to try them out.
2. Do be subtle
Remember: less is more. You want to tease your partner. Take the time to flirt with them and build anticipation. This can be really hot foreplay. Send teaser pictures or texts that don’t reveal everything. It’s all about being slow and sexy. Plus points for being creative and original. When you actually get down and dirty, your experience will be that much more fun!
3. Do focus on the details
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You want to drive your partner wild. Now’s the time to describe all the sensations you’re feeling, how your partner is making you feel so good. Whether you’re in a soft, sensual mood, or just very turned on, you want to engage your partner and make them feel the same way. Creating a sexy scenario and sending it across is the way to do it.
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4. Do build a nice atmosphere
Please, please, please tidy up your room! Nothing kills the mood faster than the piles of unwashed clothes or huge messes in the background of your sexy selfie. You want your partner to focus on you, not your surroundings. On that note, get rid of the clinical fluorescent lights. They’re harsh and they don’t make you look good. Soft, mellow lighting is your friend.
5. Do make sure you’re sending it to the right person
This sounds obvious, but is really, really important. People make this mistake all the time. Don’t lose yourself in the conversation so much that you forget to double check who the text is going to. You don’t want your grandmother or your boss to be privy to your sexy pictures and conversations, do you? That would be mortifying and require awkward conversations, and might turn you off dirty texting for a long time! So, be careful so you don’t spoil your fun.
6. Do delete the pictures
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This is for your own safety. Although you’ll never have total control (which is why having a partner you trust is important), it’s better to delete them from your end to make sure you have nothing compromising on your phone.
Don’ts
7. Don’t sext while drunk
Drunk texts that don’t really make sense are quite unattractive. You want to be sexy, and if you’re intoxicated and have no control over yourself, you’ll fail miserably. If you’re painting the town red, focus on that. That’s not the time to think of your partner. When is the time then? When you’re sober and out with friends. That’s when you can send a raunchy text message or picture that shows you’re thinking of them even when you’re not with them. It’s flirty and makes the other person feel wanted and sexy.
8. Don’t include your face in pictures
Or any other identifying marker, for that matter. It doesn’t matter if you’ve known the other person forever: don’t do it. EVER! It’s a really bad idea, and can come back to bite you in the rear (years later, sometimes). You don’t want a conversation from when you were twenty, haunting you when your potential employer Googles your name.
9. Don’t use abbreviations
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You’re trying to build up a sensual mood, and writing ‘u’ instead of ‘you’ can ruin the ambiance. You don’t want your partner to cringe when they see your message, or worse, not understand what you mean to say. Also, don’t use emoticons. You’re aiming to come off as sexy and mature, not give off a teenager or kid vibe. Stick to words, and perfectly spelled ones at that.
10. Don’t write a novel
People are turned off by texts that are too lengthy. If your message is so long it takes up the whole screen, maybe you should reconsider and edit a bit. Be descriptive, but concise. You’re having a conversation, not waxing poetic. It’s the back and forth that makes sending dirty text messages so much fun.
11. Don’t be selfish
This is give and take, so don’t just think about yourself. Start off slow; don’t go all the way right at the beginning. You want to mirror your partner’s mood, not bombard them with everything you’re feeling. Both parties should be comfortable and ‘into it.’ Your partner should feel as satisfied as you do. Pay attention to their communication style, and get on the same page!
Suggested read: Is technology making you miss out on life?
12. Don’t use sexting as a substitute for sex
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This is the last and most important tip. Sending and receiving dirty texts and pictures is sexy and fun — and in many cases, addictive. Be aware of how your mind is working and don’t get addicted to that adrenaline rush. Make sure you and your partner are communicating regularly, and indulging in the real thing often. You should have a healthy balance. Intimacy in real life is the first priority.
Sexting has a lot of benefits — it can add a spark of excitement and romance into a relationship — but it’s important to know the risks too, and prepare accordingly. This is a great guide if you’re new to the world of dirty texting. So follow these tips, be cautious (especially in the beginning), and most importantly, have fun!
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