When a lover turns into an ex, it’s rather similar to when seasons change drastically. More like a sudden climatic change, straight from hot and humid summers to bitter cold winters. The change is difficult to get used to. More often than not, people move on. But sometimes, there’s an ache in your tummy that simply refuses to go! The ache crops up each time you bump into your ex. It gets awkward, and so you decide that to keep things cordial, it may be alright to be friends with your ex.
Suggested read: 9 ways of keeping it together if you’re terrified of seeing your ex
Little do you know that you haven’t gotten too far from making poor choices, and one such poor choice is being friends with your ex. Soon, you’ve gotten yourself into a tangled mess and can’t decide if therapy will do you good, or murder! The more you see and hear from an ex, the more difficult it is to move forward. Glimpses of the past flash in your mind, and you put yourself through unwanted trauma all over again. It’s like you’re reliving your relationship, its ups and downs, the breakup, all over again.
Going through all those emotions once again is one of modern day tortures, and trust us, you don’t want to experience it.
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What is the no contact rule?
Well, a great way to save yourself from the trauma is to adopt the no contact rule. It needs no explanation because it’s as simple as it sounds. It means – no contact with your ex! So, no ‘coincidental’ meetings, no ‘accidental’ messages, or butt-dials, no nothing! This period should be a strict one that doesn’t let you connect with your ex in any possible way. You simply cut ties, probably put them on a ‘blocked’ list, and refuse to acknowledge any advances they make.
The no contact rule is a great way to keep yourself from getting hurt. When you still have feelings for your ex, the last thing you need is for them to walk into your life and repeat the same mistake again. It will help you observe and respect your decision of splitting up. A lot of couples feel that this is a great way to move on, and with time, you learn to forgive and let go. The first few months may be difficult, but it ain’t impossible.
Why this rule works
Here are 12 reasons why and how this rule is a great way to stay off limits from your ex and help you move on quickly. So here goes;
1. Their absence helps to move on
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After a breakup, bitter or otherwise, the last thing you want is to come face to face with the person who broke your heart. That will only fuel your ill feelings and leave a bad taste for the both of you. The no contact rule ensures the absence of an ex, and it won’t be a harsh reminder of a bad past. This way, both you and your ex can move on without wanting to scheme against each other (or poison each other!).
2. Prevents rekindling
Out of sight is out of mind. We couldn’t agree more; when you don’t see someone for too long, they invariably get blurred out from your life. All that they become is the background noise. Irrelevant, unimportant, and finally, easy to forget. That way, there are no chances of you rekindling your relationship. The no contact rule guarantees that this won’t happen. The most confusing part of a breakup is when you meet your ex and hope to salvage whatever is left. That’s just bad news! Remember, you broke up with this person for a reason.
3. Forgiving becomes easier
You don’t want to see the person who walked all over you, from time to time. That’s just a bitter reminder of the past, and does no good to anyone. Therefore, it becomes hard to let go and forgive that person for the wrong they did. And when you don’t forgive them, you carry a load on your chest and walk around with it. Not a great idea in the long run. When you forgive, you ensure that there aren’t any ill feelings remaining inside you; it shows nobility on your part, and it feels great within. The last thing you want is for you to carry this cross with you forever.
4. Lets you date others
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The fact that you don’t contact your ex will help you focus on other things. Perhaps dating someone new, which is a good start. But if you were to bump into your ex every now and then, it may not be possible to let go and they will constantly remind you of the past that you are trying so hard to forget.
Suggested read: 12 things you must NEVER say to your ex if you want to keep things cordial
5. Bad memories aren’t brought up
We associate memories with certain things. Maybe the rains remind you of something romantic, the dappled sunshine reminds you of a great beach holiday, and your ex will remind you of your silly mistake! Imagine a situation where you are constantly reminded of your bad decisions, whenever you see them. Well, that ain’t a good way to get over a bad past.
6. Awkward moments can be minimized
You’re in the mall with a few friends, simply hanging out and then you walk into your ex who is now with their new date. AWKWARD! Forget introducing each other, wouldn’t it be so weird to simply look at them having moved on? It could simply burn your heart, or perhaps make you want to say something ridiculous or juvenile. The no contact rule is also about making sure you don’t ‘accidentally’ bump into your ex. If you know where they hang out often, it’s best to avoid such places.
7. What you don’t know doesn’t hurt you
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If you’re still connected with your ex, either through Facebook or Instagram, they could be spamming your timeline with all their pictures. Pictures of them probably having a good time, pictures of them with new partners, pictures of them looking adorable or sexy! But, on the other hand, if you went by the no contact rule you would’ve blocked them and unfollowed them on these sites. That way, you don’t get to see them virtually, and it sure won’t cause as much heartburn as it would otherwise.
8. Adequate time to heal
Observing this very helpful no contact rule for a specific period after the breakup will let you distance yourself from your ex and will help and expedite the healing process. If you don’t constantly look at something that is a reminder of a sad past, your mind automatically moves on. This way, you tend to heal quicker from within.
9. Great self-control technique
In an age where we get addicted to things like our cell phone and Facebook, this no contact rule will act as a breath of fresh air. It definitely improves self-control, which is much needed these days. So the next time around, this technique will prove beneficial and will help you move on quicker.
10. Minimizes conflict
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Anger, frustration, and pain often cause people to behave in ways they regret later. A harsh word here and a hurtful thing there are hard to take back, and often lead to unnecessary conflict and drama. When you stop yourself from seeing your ex, you can avoid all these things that cause conflict.
11. Reduces your vulnerability
The more you surround yourself and associate yourself with people from the past, the more vulnerable you become. Hence, when you still keep in touch with an ex, you make yourself vulnerable to the whole world. The distance and time away from an old flame through this no contact rule will definitely do you a world of good.
Suggested read: What to do when your ex texts you out of the blue
12. No scope for an on-off relationship
One thing leads to another, and before you know it, you’re dating your ex! There’s just one word for that – NIGHTMARE! An on-and-off relationship does more harm than good. It puts you on a roller coaster ride of emotions, and something you can’t break away from. It’s simply not worth it. The very helpful no contact rule is a great way to keep the on-and-off thingy away.
This no contact rule is definitely worth trying, because however harsh and inhumane it may seem (the fact that you both once shared something beautiful), it is a great way to stay out of emotional trouble post a breakup. Breakups are hard as it is, and trying to get over a person by being friends with them, only makes matters worse. Especially if you still have any sort of feelings for them. Be it of love or hate. To achieve a neutral ground may be impossible if you are still in touch with your ex. This no contact rule thus makes sure that you don’t get into unnecessary trouble afterwards.
Stay strong.
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