Friend zone: the neighborhood everyone wants to steer clear of.
Once you are friend zoned, there is very little possibility of being more than friends with her. She may like spending time with you, enjoy talking to you and agree on most things, but that does not imply that she longs for anything more than friendship. So many bonds have been ruined due to one-sided feelings or misinterpretation of demeanor. It gets extremely awkward and no person wants to be in that situation.
It is not possible to govern your feelings for someone. However, it is possible to avoid humiliation in a mortifying situation where you confess to having feelings for her and she tells you that she has never thought of you that way, with that sickening look of pity crossing her face. There is a very fine line between platonic love and romance. It is easy to confuse camaraderie for chemistry. So, how do you look for signs she just want to be friends?
Suggested read: How to friendzone a guy without hurting him
Here is a list of signs she just wants to be friends and does not regard you as anything more.
1. She discusses her romantic life with you.
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Some may mistake this for a ploy to see if you get jealous. In that case, she will be as subtle as she can. However, if she is blunt and direct about past dates she has had or how much of a jerk her current date is, she might be thinking of you as her agony aunt friend. Moreover, if she talks about how much she likes this other guy she’s seeing or about the little quirks of his that she finds adorable, she is definitely not attracted to you.
2. She never makes an effort to change her appearance around you.
You may argue that she doesn’t have to, that she is pretty enough or about the fact that she is comfortable enough around you to not care. The thing is that we do not bother to change anything about the way we look when we are around people whom we don’t want to impress – like our family or close friends. The moment you like someone, you start feeling self-conscious about yourself around them. You may not dress up for them, but at least you don’t want to resemble a rag picker when they see you either. If she is mostly dressed in sweatshirts and pjs around you, know that she does not harbor any secret feelings for you.
3. She does not censor any of her words around you.
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The constancy is not only limited to her appearance; she talks around you as she would to any friend of hers. She does not think twice before disclosing weird, embarrassing things like body odor or when she pees while laughing too hard, to you. She doesn’t hold back what she thinks about boys or doesn’t falter from objectifying other men when you are with her. In plain words, she is wonderfully frank around you. This, however, may only be a testament to how close a friend she considers you.
4. She has tried to pair you up with other people.
There is no clearer a sign that she does not conceal any romantic feelings for you than this one. She evidently tries to find the right person for you and sees you with someone else. The fact that she is looking out for you so that you find happiness proves that she has great affection for you, but it isn’t romantic in nature.
5. She makes no moves or hints.
On rare occasions when you are not surrounded by other friends, she talks to you normally. There are no coy glances and subtle indications or any traces of tension between you two. Even when you are drinking and your inhibitions are lowered, her attitude does not change. Even when she’s sad and vulnerable, all she needs from you is a shoulder to cry on, and nothing more. This is another obvious sign.
6. She seems to take no notice of any kind of flirting or hints.
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In all probability, she understands your advances very well but pretends not to notice them. Otherwise, she is not good at taking hints and thinks that this is just friendly banter and it is normally how you behave with everyone. Either way, her mind is not lined up along the same track as yours. If she chooses to ignore the flirting, this is a very plain signal that she is not interested.
7. There is minimum physical contact between you two.
When you are attracted to a person, you automatically long for their touch. A brush on the arm, a pat on the shoulder, nudge here, a tap there – in the most casual ways. The fact that she is making no attempt to receive your warmth or initiate on her own obviously means that she is trying not to send any signals or lead you on. Also, when a person does not show any signs of inclination to touch you or be touched, don’t try to be overly familiar; respect their space.
8. She is very buddy like in her approach.
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She addresses you as ‘bro,’ ‘brother,’ ‘mate,’ among other sweet endearments. She discusses all kinds of things with you and makes sure you can acknowledge all your qualms and doubts to her about women and all other issues. You’re her go-to pal, her beer buddy, her fellow ice cream enthusiast. Need we say more?
9. She invites other people too when you two go out.
This re-affirms the fact that she doesn’t want you all to herself. She is willing to share your company with other people. It probably means that she sees you the way she sees all her other friends. Perhaps, calling other people is to ensure that you know that this, in no way, is a date.
10. Basically, she averts any situation where she expresses any affection.
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She will treat you the way we treat our closest friends. We laugh at them and call them rude names all the time. She will rarely compliment you or hug you. Her hugs are as brief and light as possible, she pulls away almost immediately. She is just making it certain that she does not lead you on somehow.
11. She chooses to meet you halfway.
If you were to meet, she would ask you to come to a common location. She does not want to be treated any differently or specially than a friend. If she does not want you to know where she lives or does not give you an idea about inviting her to your place, she is not really into you.
12. She has shown no interest in dating you.
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It’s a funny thing that anything and everything can be considered as a sign when you look for signs that she could possibly be into you. But then again, you might mistake her warmth for interest in going out with you. When a woman likes you, even if she is playing hard to get, she will let you know in the subtlest of ways; stay assured. If she has never brought up the idea of maybe beginning to think about the possibility of perhaps going out with you, you ought to stop looking for signs she just wants to be friends and accept it for real.
Suggested read: 8 unmistakable signs you have been friendzoned
So what to do about it?
Truth be told, not much. As challenging and hard as it is, you have to let go. You need to be less available for her and more for yourself. That’s how human beings are – we take everyone and everything for granted. We don’t notice what we have till we start missing them. Either she will miss you and reciprocate your feelings, or she will not; but it will not be the end of the world. Remember, there are lots of other people out there whom you will like and who will like you back. Friend zone the friendzoner, and let her help you find a woman. A wing woman will help you tremendously.
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