You’ve been together for three years and you love your significant other more than anything else in the world. BUT, there’s someone in your office that you just can’t get off your mind! Both you and your partner check out some eye candy, but to go beyond that is something that most people stay away from. That’s the problem with attraction – it doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t care how old you are and it definitely doesn’t care about whether you are single or not. Fortunately or unfortunately, being committed won’t make you blind to your crush at work, the sexy girl who is checking you out, or the writer guy who keeps trying to flirt with you. You talk, flirt, and the sparks fly.
It just… happens! Such infatuations are way more common than people care to admit. They’re usually harmless, but if you follow through with it, it might turn around and ruin what you have with your partner. It’s perfectly okay to have a crush on your favorite eye candy when you’re single and available, but how to deal with a crush when you are in a happy and committed relationship is another question all together, especially if it’s a long distance relationship when your partner is not around and available at the moment. If you’re not careful, it might even turn into a full-fledged affair.
Suggested read: 12 clear signs she is flirting with you
But worry not, there’s the alternative route that you can take and let the crush be what it is – just a crush. Here is how you should act when dealing with a crush when you’re committed.
1. Enjoy it
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Yes, you read that right. There is nothing wrong with having a crush, connecting with someone, and engaging in a nice conversation. Garnering some attention from your crush makes you feel elated about the fact that even though you’re committed, you’ve still got what it takes to attract people. It gives a boost to your self-esteem and makes you feel more attractive. Plus, a little healthy flirting won’t do you any harm! Just make sure that you put a stop to it and don’t take it any further. Your crush should get the hint that you’re not interested in anything beyond some harmless flirty conversations and interactions.
2. Cut down on the time
When you’re looking at how to deal with a crush, the first thing that you need to do is cut down on the time you spend with them, either at work or socially. If you know you’re going to see your crush at a party or at work, then all you have to do is be polite and have just a basic conversation. There is absolutely no need to chat all throughout the party or have lunch with them in the office cafeteria.
3. Say no to solo meet-ups
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This is an absolute no-no. You might be very tempted to say yes to that coffee date they asked you for or you might even want to ask them yourself. But that is something that you just don’t want to get yourself into. It’s obviously completely harmless to meet a friend for an early morning jog or for a lunch date, but doing so with your crush might lead to circumstances that you will not want to deal with. So, do the smart thing and say no to meeting up alone.
4. Don’t socialize online
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Maintaining little ‘offline’ socializing does not give you the freedom to indulge online. Hanging out online can sometimes be even more dangerous than a physical meeting. It’s easier and faster, and you won’t realize how one message or another picture can lead to something more. It might seem harmless, but it’s wise to keep away from your crush’s social media life. There is no need for you to keep track of their statuses, profile photos, or any other information they share on social media.
5. Keep it civil
This is going to be one of the difficult ones, but you’ll need to try and turn into a polite, ‘you don’t affect me’ person to your crush. Don’t shower them with any special support or treatment. Just treat them like you’d treat any other acquaintance that you come across. There’s no need to turn on your charm and behave like something is cooking up between the two of you. Be a bit distant, but still civil, so that they get the hint that you’re not interested in being more than what you are now.
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6. Don’t make it personal
The moment you start sharing an emotional bond with your crush, things will start to get out of hand. You don’t have to share details about your family or how indecisive your girlfriend is or how your husband is sometimes just too busy for you. Your crush doesn’t need to know any of those things, especially if it has to do with your relationship. You don’t need their support for any of it. Instead, talk to your partner or another close friend that you can trust so that you don’t ruin your relationship.
7. Keep your distance
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If you share mutual friends with your crush, then not spending time with them becomes a little difficult. It is inevitable that you’ll run into each other. This is when you should make an excuse and avoid them. Say hi and bye as quickly as possible, especially if alcohol is involved. You don’t want to be still hanging around if all your friends are leaving. It will lead to you being dragged towards each other, and that’s where things get really messy. So maintain your distance and get out early if you feel unsure about anything. Or at least make sure there’s someone who knows about it to hold you back from doing something you might regret.
8. Question yourself about it
You’re finding it difficult to stay away from your crush, both offline and online. You can’t decide if you should go for it or not. Maybe your relationship with your partner isn’t going well at the moment, but cheating on your partner with your crush isn’t the best option available. You can always work things out with your partner, but you can’t work it out if you can’t love them enough to stay away from temptation. And if it revolves only around physical chemistry, then please ask yourself ‘What is the point?’, because it is pointless to create such a mess. Also, cheating is NOT cool for anyone involved, under any circumstances.
9. Set them up with someone
You don’t want to take it any further, but your crush doesn’t seem to be backing off anytime soon. Just ring up your single friend and set the two up on a date! If things work out between them, your crush will be out of your mind and out of your sight in no time. Then you can breathe a sigh of relief and get back to working on your own relationship – the one that you actually care about.
10. Tell someone about it
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If all else fails, just tell your best friend about it. Talking to your bud will help you ponder it and get it out of your system. Also, then there will be someone to keep a check on you at all times. You can also tell your sweetheart about it, but only if you think that they will be understanding about it and help you deal with the situation. If you know your partner will react badly, then you might as well keep it to yourself and turn to another close confidant instead.
Suggested read: 10 facts that women who hate flirting want you to know
11. Tell them off
If nothing else works, be honest with your crush and just tell them to back off already. Be polite but stern, and make it clear to them that you’re in no way interested in taking things further. Let them know that you love your partner and that you’re happy and not looking for anything from them. You can say that you don’t want to be anything more than friends, but only if you think that you can deal with being just friends with them.
Now that you know how to deal with a crush, you can go ahead and stop feeling guilty about it. We all like to be wooed and there is nothing wrong with that. Just make sure that you remember that it is only a crush and nothing more and you’ll be good to go!
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
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