Mom shaming sounds like something which is absolutely absurd, but is in fact, a very sad reality. Just like the fact that society is rife with body shamers and misogynists and homophobes and so many other haters of all kinds, it is also filled with mom shamers who are some of the worst kind of people, who feel it is necessary to put down other moms for their decisions and actions.
The entire premise for mom shaming rests on the fact that people always, almost instinctively feel the need to judge and pass negative criticism. Not only are they critical of other people but they are openly insulting to people they feel are not up to their standards, which is insane because everyone has the right to do whatever they please as long as it doesn’t hurt others.
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Seeing a bunch of parents (especially other moms) standing in sinister clusters in parks, outside institutions and inside drawing rooms, criticizing and shaming other moms has unfortunately become a very common sight. However, seeing things like this makes one wonder how is one supposed to become a progressive, supportive, educated individual if they are hell bent on bringing other people down, especially people as indispensable as mothers. Here are 11 powerful reasons why mom shaming as a ‘trend’ needs to stop, and stop immediately.
1. Because every mom raises their child in a way they see fit
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It is absolutely absurd to think that someone would feel entitled to pass comments on how a mother raises her child, in comparison with other children. There is nothing more dependable than a mother’s instinct and what people do is shame mothers because it doesn’t conform with their standards or methods of raising a child. The very first reason why people need to stop shaming moms is because it is anti-conducive to human rights, which gives everyone the right to live the way they deem fit for themselves, and their offspring, as long as no physical or mental harm is being brought to them.
2. Moms have a full time job no matter what they choose
One of the most predominant traits of mom-shaming is shaming moms who work or stay at home. Somehow, no matter what decisions you take, it is not good enough. If you decide to stay at home and take care of your child, you become a ‘bored housewife’ or if you decide to go out and earn a living while leaving your child in the care of a trusted person, you become a ‘neglectful mom.’ What people need to understand is that no matter what you choose to do, being a mom is a full time job, with or without a professional career. The aim is to teach your child the right values and raise them with love; how one does it is completely up to them.
3. They are not out to impress the world
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Moms are shamed if they take too much time to dress up. They are also shamed if they drop their child to school in sweats and t-shirts, without makeup and elegantly done hairstyles. There never seems to be respite from judgement and negative criticism. A fashion sense or the lack of it has nothing to do with how you raise your child, which is why there is no need to pass judgement for the same.
4. All children have different needs, which moms understand
People seem to never get bored of comparing kids with their own or other children, which is one of the worst possible ways in which you can engage in mom shaming, because it not only undermines the children and ruins their self confidence whereby they constantly think other children are better than them, but it also humiliates the mother for it is their upbringing which is being questioned. The reason such judgement needs to be terminated is because children have different needs who are understood only by mothers who raise their kids accordingly.
5. Being a mom is a difficult job
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People who tell other moms that they enjoyed every single moment of parenthood with their children and never had one single complaint and never ever got frustrated with their children are lying, and in the process, engaging in mom shaming. There is no denying that raising children and constantly looking out for their safety and well being is a tough job, and everyone has lost their patience at one point of time, which is nothing to be ashamed of. People who other mothers down for the truth are liars and shamers.
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6. Pressurizing babies makes you a bad person, and doesn’t make them bad moms
As I have tried to emphasize before, all children are different and they have their own individual speeds of learning and cognitive development, which is why it is essential to let them grow at their own pace, without constantly reminding moms about how their children are not being able to achieve certain milestones in time. The concept of milestones and their ideal time period is completely subjective and reminding children and their moms about how they are “lagging behind” only puts immense pressure on both.
7. Pinterest and other sites makes them creative, not incompetent
The new fad is to engage in mom shaming against those who are online a lot of the times in order to figure out various life hacks, kitchen tricks and recipes to make things more creative and fun for their children. Although some people seem to think that taking online help indicates incompetence on the part of the mother, it does well to know that the internet exists for the very reason to give people new and innovative ideas, and if the kids love it, there is no reason why anyone else should have a problem.
8. The decision to not breastfeed is a personal choice
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
Breastfeeding in public is one of the most important social issues that are prevalent today. However, mothers are shamed not only because they breastfeed in public, but even when they do not want to, or cannot breastfeed their babies, and choose to give them baby formula instead. They might choose this because breastfeeding entails a lot of complications for some people including problems like mastitis. Baby formula is made in a way that is suitable for babies, and an adequate alternative for breastfeeding, and if mothers are unable to breastfeed their child by compulsion or by choice, the last thing they deserve is mom shaming.
9. There is no legit difference between single moms and married moms
Single moms are often given a lot of criticism, and not the good kind, for denying their children the love of a father or complete parenthood and other mythical things like this, without which their children are apparently ill-equipped to handle their lives. The truth is that single moms are as competent and capable and loving as mothers who raise their children with a partner. It is the love and care that you devote to your child that matters, and not the man power that you have while raising your child. If anything, singlehood makes you a stronger individual.
10. Some mothers are just great at parenting
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Bad parents are criticized by society at large, but even if you are a great parent, some people will hound you to find some fault or the other, or completely dismiss you as a phony who hasn’t been raising their child right, because apparently no one is that good a parent. This is absolutely ridiculous, because people are unable to come to terms with the fact that some moms are just good at what they do.
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11. Your children too can do whatever they want, it doesn’t make you a bad parent
If you let your child wear whatever they want, roll in the sand, eat junk once in a while, you are considered an inadequate, uncaring mother, and nothing hurts more, because all you are doing is letting your child be a child and not a prim and proper. Children should be allowed to do things without worrying about the judgement of others, and when mothers realize that, they are condemned and criticized. If you are willing to give your child non-organic food once in awhile so that they don’t have to be restricted to healthy eating since their birth, then you are an excellent parent, if nothing else.
The problem is not in the fact that mom shaming is a predominant and almost natural part of society. The most terrifying part about it is that other mothers engage in putting people down, including children. Mothers are the backbone, the foundation and the very life-source of society, and they raise children absolutely selflessly. The last thing they need is other people putting them down for their efforts. It ruins their confidence and makes them constantly question themselves, because it is impossible to escape negativity like this. This in turn has an effect on children. All people need is a little bit of compassion in order to terminate this plague that is mom shaming.
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
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