One of the most defining moments of your life comes when you are about to get down on one knee (or not) and ask the person you love to marry you. This act contains so much finality and so much gravity, that it is impossible to execute without asking yourself certain questions first.
If you have been in a relationship for a considerable amount of time, and you have decided that you don’t want to be with anyone else, then you are likely to go searching for a ring as the natural next step. However, before you can get super excited about all this, you have to pause, think, and re-evaluate certain things before you decide to get engaged. Most of these questions are things men tend to forget about in their excitement. However, it is amazing to discover how a few simple questions can determine whether you are ensuring a lifetime of happiness for you and your partner, or committing a grave error.
Here are a few questions that you should definitely ask yourself before popping the question.
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Before you actually buy the ring…
So you have decided to buy the ring because you want to ask your girlfriend or boyfriend to marry you. Not so fast. After you have considered the idea of proposing marriage to your partner, you have to re-think certain aspects of your relationship before you can go shopping for the ring. Here are some of the basic conversations you should be having with yourself.
1. Do I really want to be with this person for the rest of my life?
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The answer should be a firm and confident “YES.” Relationships go through good phases and hard times, much like life. Sometimes it so happens that two people in a relationship, who are of marriageable age, feel the need to make their relationship more permanent when they go through a relatively good phase in their relationship. However, after that initial glow passes over, the problems start to appear and things don’t seem so sunny anymore. When you ask yourself whether you are ready to be with this person for the rest of your life, you should instinctively be saying yes.
2. Does my partner really love me?
Sometimes, in a moment of excitement, you tend to forget about the most important half of the equation – your partner. Even though it might sound a little harsh, sometimes it may so happen that you love your partner more than they love you, so when you do end up popping the question, they say no because they aren’t ready to commit themselves to you fully and permanently. Before you actually consider proposing to your partner, make sure that they are going to say yes. If you find even the slightest red flag appearing somewhere indicating that they are not willing to marry you, then abort mission.
3. Am I ready to get married right now?
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The opposite of the above point might also be true. Your partner might be ready to tie the knot, but are you, for real? Again, people tend to make a lot of foolish decisions in the heat of the moment, but you need to know for sure that you want to be engaged to your partner, which will obviously lead to a marriage. You cannot get engaged thinking this is all you need to do in order to cement your relationship. An engagement is essentially a precursor to marriage, and if you are not ready for the circumstances of your proposal, it is best if you don’t propose at all.
4. Do we share mutual trust and respect?
Trust and respect are very underrated concepts when it comes to two people in a relationship. You cannot function as a unit – which is essentially the purpose of an engagement – if you do not trust and respect each other. This will be even more important after you have married. But even before you are going to propose, you have to look closely at your relationship and see whether you trust each other to be loyal and supportive, and whether you respect each other enough to pop the question.
Considering life after the wedding…
When you are thinking about proposing, you also have to think about your life after, which is one of marital bliss. Here are all the things you need to ask yourself to be sure you want to go through with your plans.
5. Am I ready to handle married life?
Again, in this case, your answer to yourself should be a firm, unwavering YES. Married life has a lot of connotations that you must be ready to handle and deal with as well. First of all, your marriage will inevitably lead to the question of having kids, for which you need to be on the same page as your partner. Then you also have to come to terms with the fact that you will have to be loyal to this one person for the rest of your life. If you are completely comfortable with yourself regarding these things, then you can go ahead and think of the next step of your proposal.
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6. Is my partner completely compatible with me?
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Your partner should solve problems and deal with crises the same way as you do. There is not a single couple in the world that have not fought, and fought till the breaking point. What has brought them back from the verge of breaking up is their ability to think of the other, compromise, and come to a solution that satisfies both parties. This arises out of complete love and understanding for each other, which you also must share with your partner, in order to be happily married.
7. Are we on the same page regarding marriage and our futures?
Before you decide to get engaged and subsequently get married, you have to think about your futures, and your stance on marriage. If and only if you have discussed these things previously during the course of your relationship, and you have agreed on most of the things you have discussed, then you have the green signal to go ahead with your proposal.
8. Does my instinct say he/she is The One?
Sometimes, it is important to consider your gut feelings and your instinct before you take decisions. You have to stop and think whether you know intuitively that this person is the right one for you. Upon asking yourself this, you might even discover that you are forcing yourself to believe that you are meant to be with this person, when in reality, you are not ready at all to get into a fully committed and permanent relationship with them.
The proposal
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If you have reacted positively to all the above questions, then you can get to the good part, and start planning your proposal, because you are definitely ready to take your relationship to the next stage. Here too, however, you have to ask yourself a number of questions.
9. What ring should I pick for my partner?
The first rule to picking a ring is considering what your partner likes and not what you like. You are trying to impress them and they are the ones who will have to wear the ring, which is why you must always take into consideration their taste when you are choosing the ring. After you have zeroed in on a particular type, you can pick one that suits your budget. Remember – type, then budget, and not the other way around.
10. How can I make the moment special?
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Like I said before, this is one of the most important and most defining moments of your life, and you need to make sure that you make it as special as possible, both for you and your partner. Choose a place that is meaningful to you both, and also include things that mean a lot to you and your relationship. If you have nice friends, then you can even have them record the moment for you. Either way, you have to pull all your creative stops to make your engagement the most special day, before your wedding day, of course.
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11. What should I say to him/her?
You may think a simple “Will you marry me?” is enough, but it is boring and clichéd. Every time anyone in the world pops the question, they say the same thing. Just like it is a task choosing your vows and writing them down for your wedding, you have to sit, think carefully, and come up with the most beautiful way in which you can ask your better half to marry you (excuse the liberties I take).
Popping the question to your partner is a lot more complicated than picking a ring, getting down on one knee, and then popping a bottle of celebratory champagne. It is about deciding your future together, which is only possible after you ask yourself some of the most vital questions, after which you can propose to him/her, and make both of you really happy engaged people.
Featured image source: Shutterstock
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