“Single and fabulous,” “single and most definitely not ready to mingle,” “single as a pringle,” “single and loving it”- all these things are sentences you have found yourself repeating to your friends, family, acquaintances, peers and colleagues over and over again, every time someone has inquired about your love life. In fact, you were so convincing with your external facade that you believed it yourself for a period of time, and truly felt that you were better off without a partner. Who will cuddle you. And hold you. And be with you. And send you cute goodnight texts. And be your best friend.
Okay. It is time to wake up and smell the coffee. Even though for all this while you have tried to give off the impression that you are glad you aren’t in a relationship, you might just be secretly yearning real hard for one, and all the pretense just seems to make you even more miserable internally. While all your friends walk into the sunset with their beloveds, you are left behind declaring your eternal allegiance to the Single’s Club. It is time to call a spade a spade, and indulge in some introspection, and ask the important questions- are you really happy being single?
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Here are 11 signs that you are most definitely not.
1. You feel like everyone is a potential soul mate
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You meet new people constantly in your life. However, meeting new people is a whole new experience when you are single, and in apparent denial of your own desire to be with someone. Do you find yourself imagining romantic life scenarios with people you barely know, just because you seemed to vibe for the 27 second conversation that you had, where he seemed to understand your sense of humor? Do you look at people on the road and imagine bumping into them in the future and having their babies? Then you are most definitely not the poster girl for the single’s club because you are more than ready to dive head-first into a relationship.
2. You go out alone a lot
When you are single, and you think you are happy with your singlehood and your independence, you end up doing certain things which should make you question your own motives. Single people who don’t really want to be single go out a lot. On their own. To places where the chances of meeting people are pretty good. I don’t only mean nightclubs and parties. You might even end up in places like reunions, rallies, meetings, society functions and gatherings and places that you wouldn’t have gone to with as much enthusiasm as you do now. The reason this keeps happening is because you are unconsciously improving your prospects of meeting the aforementioned soul mate, which is definitely not the symptoms of someone who is happy with their single status.
3. You make an effort to dress up all the time
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I am not blaming you for looking good; everyone wants to look their best when they step out of the house and meet people. However, you make an effort to look good all the time. Whether you are going to a party, or you are going to work, or you are going to the grocery store, you make sure your hair and makeup and outfit is on-point, even if you are trying to look ‘natural’ and ‘casual’. I think it is to ensure that no one misses you, and in case you catch someone’s eye, your extra efforts will ensure that they catch yours too. This also happens to be another subtle effort at improving your prospects.
4. You don’t really like third-wheeling
Single people who love being single and barf at happy couples are the ideal third wheel partners. They don’t mind hanging out with couples, because they don’t really care about the equation that they have. When you find yourself not being able to third wheel your crazy-in-love friends because watching them happy together makes you want to rip your heart from your chest and cry because you become conscious of your own loneliness, then there is something definitely wrong, even though you pretend you are busy, or pretend that you find their make-out sessions gross.
5. You are waaay too familiar with online dating sites
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Single people loathe the concept of online dating and dating sites, but if someone were to ask you to name a couple of dating sites off the top of your head, you wouldn’t hesitate for half a minute before reeling off name after name. In fact, some of your other single friends have even found you on some of them and your excuse has always been that either your friends or your parents coerced you into joining as a joke, whereas in reality, these are all bookmarked and set and downloaded on your phone.
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6. You cry inside every time you watch a rom-com
You know you have the whole being single thing majorly messed up when you watch rom-coms and all sorts of classic romance movies and eat ice cream and cry because you would kill to have a romantic story like that, with men chasing after you and heartbreak and all the sentimental drama and melodrama that you so emphatically diss in public. In reality, you know in your heart of hearts that cheesy pickup lines and sunset kisses are way more exciting and attractive than your single af life.
7. Happy relationships make you jealous inside
Not only do romantic comedies release the waterworks, but all the happy couples that you refuse to third wheel for are also responsible for the internal misery that you feel every single day, because you have no one to play footsie with in public and then cuddle with at night. The extent to which you think about happy couples and what they do and how lucky they are is almost unhealthy, which is why your external distaste towards anything to do with love and relationships is even more vehement and emphasized. You are so jealous secretly, it isn’t even funny.
8. You constantly tell yourself relationships suck
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One way of coping with the fact that you actually hate being single is living in denial. Whether you have a series of exes or one ex or no ex to compare to, you are constantly reminding yourself why you are single and why relationships suck. You have all your excuses ready and whenever you feel like your external image is breaking, you use them and they are pretty damn effective. However, only people who want to be in a relationship have to constantly tell themselves why relationships are the worst and nothing but a burden, so that they don’t succumb to their real feelings.
9. You resort to emotional crutches when things get too intense
When there is a gap between what you actually feel and what you pretend to feel all the time, there comes a point when it gets hard to maintain the external facade and not let your real feelings become evident. However, when the going gets tough, you find yourself leaning on emotional crutches like a large group of friends, alcohol, temporary means of instant gratification like one-night stands and other things which will make you forget about your real pains in life. This happens when you can’t pretend to be a hater anymore, and you have to tell yourself (at the risk of revealing to others) what a sucker for relationships you actually are.
10. You have become a pro at flirting
Your belief in the fact that you don’t need a partner and that love is a lie and that it doesn’t exist and that you don’t really mind being forever alone should typically make you indifferent to flirtations, and least of all, you shouldn’t be the one flirting back. However, since you are living in denial, you find yourself more often than not enjoying yourself when people flirt with you, and picking up all the subtleties that someone who doesn’t really care, wouldn’t bother about. In fact, you have become pro at flirting back, while maintaining your signature devil-may-care attitude.
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11. You imagine a life with your (imaginary) future partner
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You don’t know who your future partner is, you haven’t seen his face, and you don’t even know whether you will get a partner for life in future or not, but you certainly want to. One very obvious sign of sucking at being single includes imagining these perfect life scenarios of your success, your life and your secure future…with your partner. If you were that intensely averse to the idea of not needing a partner, then it would have been an eventual development, and not the central theme of all your fantasies.
After all these considerations, it is time to think about why you are pretending to be something you are not, and pretending to feel something you don’t, and for whom. The moment you become open about your feelings, the more likely it is that you will get what you want, before which you need an intense introspection session with yourself, and decide who you really want to be.
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