What is not exciting about a date? Dressing up, getting ready, feeling nervous while you wait for your date, and finally having the time of your life when you are with each other. However, unfortunately, a large number of people seem to think that once you have married the person you have always wanted to marry, there is no need to go out on a date at all, because marriage is like a perpetual date itself, isn’t it? Wrong. Before I launch into the dating rules that you must follow after you are married, you must understand that dating rule numero uno is to go out on dates in the first place.
You might wonder why you need to spend more time together with your spouse when you are already living together. However, every single marriage-saving article ever suggests that you go out on dates with each other even if you have been married for a hundred years, for a reason. That reason being that you need dates to keep that flame alive. To feel those butterflies in your stomach for your spouse when you see them coming through the door after work for the thousandth time. To make sure that you never ever get bored of each other and start to take each other for granted. Therefore, for that purpose, you need to keep in mind the rules of dating, necessary to make you feel like you felt during the first week of your marriage, even decades later.
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1. Friday nights should be as exciting as they used to be
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For a lot of married couples, the end of the week, a.k.a. the coveted Friday night, is spent having fun on your own, away from your responsibilities and your duties. However, if we are talking about dating rules, then the first thing you should keep in mind is to keep yourself free on Friday night to spend it with each other and not do the dishes or go out with other people. Make sure that you take time out every week to go out on one date with your partner, so that you can hire a sitter for the kids beforehand.
2. Take time and effort to dress up for your date
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You might be thinking that this is one of the dumber rules of dating, because after all, your partner has seen you look as ugly as possible after you wake up in the morning or after you have cleaned the attic or done the laundry, so there is no need to look special for a date. However, the whole point of the date is to show each other that you are always willing to make an effort for the other person and willing to impress them. Put on the best clothes you have in your closet, spend hours getting ready, and go on a date in some impressive place like a couple of youngsters in love.
3. Do not forget to compliment to each other
Giving compliments cost nothing, yet it is sadly a very rare occurrence post marriage between couples, because the logic is, “they know that I love them.” Wrong again. A compliment is always welcome and instead of assuming that the other person knows that you appreciate them. Make sure you vocally remind them that they look nice this evening, or compliment them on something you have noticed them doing over the week. Make use of the information you get to take in about your partner by living with them.
4. Don’t talk about work when you are on a date
One of the cardinal dating rules, whether it is before marriage or after, includes not talking about your boring work life when you are out with a person you like. This is difficult to pull off even before one is married, and after marriage, all filters are ditched altogether and couples seem to talk of nothing else other than home troubles and work troubles and troubles, period. Just like you are supposed to make the other person feel special on a first date with laughter and humor and anecdotes and stories, similarly, on your millionth date, it should be no different.
5. Do not use your phones when you are on your date
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The rules of dating in general clearly state that the last thing you should do when you are on your date is use your phone, because not only is it the rudest thing you could possibly do on your date, but also because that is a non-verbal way of screaming, “I have things in my life that are way more important than you are.” Post marriage, you tend to take this clause all the more for granted because “they won’t mind, right?” They will, and you are not likely to get sex or even another date for a really long time. Don’t be a moron. You can afford to not take calls when you are on your date.
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6. Do not be tardy, or worse, don’t stand your date up
What is the point of going in the first place, if you are going to keep them waiting for an hour, or don’t turn up at all. Just because you know for a fact that you will be sleeping in the same bed at night does not mean that you will take your own sweet time to turn up for your date with your spouse, or cancel on them for plans that might or might not be more important than going out with them. If you have promised them a date, make sure you go all out with the punctuality and good manners.
7. Do special things that make it a ‘date’ and not just a dinner together
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If you wanted to have dinner with each other, you needn’t have gone through all that effort to dress up and go out and everything. You could have just cooked a nice meal or ordered takeout and spent another normal, bleh evening at home. If you are going out on a date, make sure you make it a memorable one. Doing it every week might be difficult, but little things like offering to pay and dressing up and kissing on the doorstep, or walking on the curb at midnight with your good clothes on and your shoes in your hand. Basically do everything that the movies aggrandize with regards to pre-martial dating.
8. Talk about the “good ol’ days”
This is, in fact, an advantage that married couples have over couples who aren’t married, when they go out on a date. The latter usually has to come prepared with conversation topics, to get to know each other better. But as a married couple, you should know each other like the back of your hand, and have no trouble making conversation. In fact, this also helps talking and communication in a marriage. Also, this is the perfect time to talk about the sweet, old, bygone days.
9. Do all the clichéd things that should be done on dates
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Alert, adult couples: this is not a joke. If you are out of touch with the usual clichés of dating life, then hire a couple of DVDs of chick-flicks and check out the things that teenagers think are cool to do on a date and do them. No aging cream and no compliment can make you feel as young as acting youthful will. Get drunk, kiss on the doorstep, awkwardly hold hands, and have sex; except it is much cooler and much more convenient because you are married.
10. Chivalry and charm will give you extra brownie points
Simple things like holding the door open for your spouse, or being extra charming when you are talking to them or taking their arm when walking with them goes a long way to establish a romantic connection, or in this case, to establish a better, more loving relationship between a married couple. The age for chivalry and charm has gone, so when someone displays signs of the same, you cannot help but fall a little bit more in love with them.
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11. Send your ‘date’ a message saying that you had fun with them
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Just because you live in the same house and you spend most of your time together does not mean that you are not going to treat your little date nights like real dates. Telling your spouse in the middle of their day or in the middle of work that you had a really great time with them and that you can’t wait for the next time you go out together, is a simple but super romantic gesture, which is bound to make your marriage as exciting and as passionate as a new couple’s young love.
A lot of people grossly underestimate the importance of spending quality time with each other during the course of their marriage. However, following these simple dating rules will show you that it actually takes very little to show your partner that you love them and care for them with as much fervor as you did, and in fact, even more now that you are married to each other. These are, in essence, 10 ways in which you can put every single marriage therapist out of their job.
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
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