There are a few ways to become married. Your parents find you this boy, and then you get married hoping to fall in love, or you could just be in love with someone for a while and decide to get married to him. Any kind of marriage can be successful or can fail – but the one that might drive you crazy is the one where you have an emotionally unavailable husband.
You tend to think that your husband is going to be emotionally available and responsive in the marriage; you hope to be his confidante, confidence, and all that he is looking for. But things are not that simple when you are dealing with emotional unavailability. Your man is going to seem to be all about himself, and everything opposite of what you really thought it would be like.
Suggested read: 10 undeniable signs of an emotionally unavailable man
But then, you are married to him, and the exit is not as simple as a breakup, so you are going to have to just deal with it. If not completely surrender to it, you are going to have to try and ensure that you do all that you can to make it better for yourself and for him.
Here we are going to give you some methods you can use to deal with your emotionally unavailable husband:
1. Try to understand why he is not emotionally responsive
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There could be many reasons, instances, and experiences that have caused him to be the way he is. Do not completely ignore it and begin to demand the emotional attention that you need and deserve. Try to look into his past, and understand what is going to help him open up a little bit. If you are affectionate enough, you will be able to get him to open up to you and you will also receive all the time and attention you need from your husband.
2. Give it some time
There are men who need their time to open up to their partner as well. You might have known him for a long time, but now you are married and he is your husband. This is a huge change for him to digest, and he is going to take some time to accommodate you in all his space and also in every aspect of his life. Let some time pass, and help him gain the trust that you two are meant to share as a couple. You will be able to connect with him better this way.
3. Help him trust you
For all you know, he is emotionally unresponsive only because he doesn’t trust anyone with his feelings. He might not want to feel vulnerable with anyone. When you are married to him, and you see that he is one of the emotionally unavailable men, you need to build the trust between the two of you. Make him believe that the two of you are a team now and he doesn’t need to hide anything from you.
This, combined with the time that you give him, are surely going to loosen him up a lot more.
4. Do not judge his human side
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Your husband is just emotionally unavailable; he is not a bad person. Every human being has their flaws and this is the one that your husband has. All you need to do is to accept it and understand that he also might not like being this way. Assure him that you love him and you are not looking for anything else but a little bit of love and affection. Also, make him understand that there is no weakness in being a little emotional and it is the human side of every person. He will understand and will also try to make you happy.
Suggested read: 10 vital things to consider before dating emotionally unavailable men
5. Assure him that you are going to love him, regardless
Well, it is proven that most emotionally unavailable men are like that because they have gone through childhood trauma, rejection, tragedy, or something that has impacted them to the point where they either don’t know how to emote, or they just fear showing their emotional side to anyone. Your emotionally unavailable husband might be the latter. He might just be scared of rejection if he lets go of the macho image that he carries around with him.
You are going to have to ensure that you do not reinstate that fear. You actually need to keep giving him repeated assurances that you are not going to reject him even if he has issues he is dealing with. He might actually open up about what’s going on and the two of you can then sort it out together.
6. Avoid all the small couple fights that are actually pretty ‘normal’
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Well, so he forgot your birthday. It is really not cool and we know that. You have an emotionally unavailable husband – and if you want him to get comfortable with you and make your marriage an emotionally successful one, you will have to let go of all these things. We know that these are some of the really common fights that couples generally get into, but you will have to let it go almost all the time.
While you can be disappointed to be doing that, you are really going to reap the benefits a few months or years into the marriage.
7. DO NOT get really sarcastic and scornful
We understand that there is a temper threshold that you have, and you walked into the marriage expecting a lot more than emotional unavailability – but you will really have to hold it in. Saying sarcastic comments or mean things to him just because he is unable to express himself like many others can will really cause him a lot of pain.
This pain is not just a one-off thing. It is something that can continue to persist for the rest of his life. You really don’t want to cause that for someone you love.
8. Understand their little expressions, and appreciate them
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It is not that they do not show love at all. Your emotionally unavailable husband is definitely going to have his own ways of showing you how much he loves you, and those ways are just not that conventional. All you need to do is figure out these methods that he uses and then appreciate them. Maybe you are not particularly fond of the things he does, but you need to give him the confidence.
This confidence is going to motivate him to get better at what he does. He will get comfortable around you because he is confident that you are going to like his attempts at showing you some love. There you are going to have it – your happy marriage.
9. Keep away from the lecturing
As he is emotionally unavailable, he probably has a lot of people who are lecturing him to just ‘chill out,’ and he doesn’t need that from you too. He eventually stopped listening to them, and that is what he is going to do to you as well. You really do not want to take your marriage down that road. Do not give him lectures about what you think needs to be done about his emotional unavailability.
What you can do instead is offer suggestions and float ideas about what you think can be done. You could ask him if he is willing to seek out any professional help, rather than telling him to do it. The tone that you use is going to make a hell of a difference in the way he is going to respond to your suggestions.
Suggested read: 8 reasons why you should NEVER apologize for your emotional baggage
10. Be honest with him
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Well, we know that this last point looks like it negates all of the others. But you will have to handle your husband and your honesty very delicately here. Do not live in denial and let him live that way as well. He is not going to do anything about it if you pretend to be the happiest wife with him.
Let him know, just in a way that he can endure it. Do not be too hard on him.
We understand that you have your own hopes and aspirations from the marriage that you have walked into, and the last thing you wanted to deal with was an emotionally unavailable husband. But if you go easy on him and help him through the entire process, he is going to be really grateful to you for it.
He is not only going to express his gratitude in words, but he is going to be a changed person and you are the only one who is going to be responsible for it. He will do just about anything to return the favor, and that means that you are going to be in a happy marriage for the rest of your life.
How does that sound for a deal? A few months of compromise for a lifetime of happiness?
Featured image source: thelasthonestguy
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