What is love? Do you think you can answer this question? I’m sure you can, but it wouldn’t be the only answer the question has, because there are as many definitions of love as there are people on this planet. Everyone views and experiences love in their own way, and no two ways come close to being the same.
We learn to love from the people around us – our parents, siblings, friends, and lovers. Be it through direct or indirect actions, you learn to interpret and experience love in your own way, which could be summed up as an amalgamation of your every interaction with love. However, the problem with this is that you also tend to pick up some bad habits along with the good too. And it’s better if you learn the building blocks of love now, rather than later when it might be too late.
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So if you want to build a loving, mature, healthy, and long lasting relationship, then follow these tips:
1. Creating an environment conducive for sharing
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You or your partner should never feel as if their voice is not being heard. This is where you learn the difference between hearing what your partner say and actually listening to them. When you have an atmosphere where they feel they can share anything with you, that’s when the relationship gets better. Don’t interrupt when they’re talking; listen to what they’re saying. Then you can discuss it in detail and come up with solutions that you both can live with. And remember, no name calling, threatening, or putting them down. They’re your partner, not your enemy.
2. Separating facts from feelings
We are the sum of our past experiences, and as much as you deny it to yourself, the past always comes into play in the present, mostly when you least expect it. You must learn to separate facts pertaining to the argument you’re having with your partner, and the feelings that it triggers in you. Are your past experiences coloring your judgment? Do you clearly see what’s the reason for the conflict? Does there even have to be a conflict in the first place? Is this about your partner? Or you? Once you have this clarity, you’ll be able to see the situation for it really is, and resolove it successfully.
3. Creating a “WE” that can hold two “I’s”
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It’s very easy to lose your sense of self, your identity, and your individuality when you’re in a relationship. But that will just spell doom for your relationship in no time. A mature, healthy, thriving, and mutually-supportive relationship helps you grow as an individual as you grow as a couple. You are both separate, yet connected. You do this by bringing your ‘I’ to create a wholesome ‘we,’ that is stronger than the sum of its parts.
4. Stop judging
Judging your partner for every little thing they do, say, or even think of doing, is not done at all. You fell in love with your partner for a reason; keep that reason at the forefront of your brain. Every time you judge instead of love, you’re destroying your relationship one brick at a time. On the other hand, if you practice compassion, you are more open to communicate without extreme emotions clouding your judgment. You will also be respecting your partner for their role in the relationship. The more compassionate you are of your partner, the less judgment there will be.
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5. Healing yourself
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You and your partner are two individuals who have your own baggage to carry. You can’t fill your partner’s emotional void, and neither can they fill yours. You have to learn that only you can heal yourself. But, what your partner can do is be there for you in this journey of yours, and vice versa.
6. Respecting the differences between you
You and your partner might not have many similarities, but a loving, long lasting relationship is build on the respect you have for your differences. Imagine being with someone who is like a mirror-image of you. How boring would that get! There’s a reason why opposites attract. You might have this fear that your differences would only multiply as time wears on, and eventually become the cause of incompatibilities. However, these differences are what keeps a relationship exciting and fresh.
7. Accepting that you’re not a mind reader
Very often, people have a tendency to make up their own stories or interpret an event how they see fit, much to the detriment of your relationship. Instead of making assumptions and stories in your head, ASK your partner what’s what. When you do ask questions – and these can never be too many – listen to what your partner has to say. Another aspect of this is to be tuned into what your partner isn’t saying. Many times, body language and the tone of their voice will let you know things that they’re not verbalizing.
8. Making time for the relationship
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It’s very easy to be swept off in your work and not realize that you haven’t spent even an hour of quality time with your partner in over two weeks. That’s the kind of hectic life people lead these days. However, if you want to build a long lasting relationship, then you need to make time for your relationship. Whether it’s scheduling a date night every week, or taking a long overdue vacation, you have to make time from your busy schedule and work towards nurturing your relationship. Also, if you could plan for one day a week to be without technology, that would the icing on the cake!
9. Never playing the blame game
There will definitely be times where you need to have the hard conversation with your partner. Nobody likes to be the bad guy, but if your relationship is to survive, you must have the conversations that might upset your partner, and probably you too. The best way to go about it is to not blame it all on them, but make it seem like it’s lacking in the relationship. Say what you want to say in a constructive manner instead of placing the blame solely at their feet.
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10. Loving yourself
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This a cliché, but it’s a cliché for a reason. You need to love yourself before seeking love from your partner. You need to accept the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of yourself and be at peace with yourself. Only then will your heart be wide open to receive love from your partner. Be sure to listen to your gut instinct. It’s there for a reason, and if it says something to you – even if it’s unpleasant – listen to it. More often than not, your gut will steer you in the right path.
Follow the above tips, and you can build a healthy, nurturing, loving, and long lasting relationship. Good luck.
Featured image source: Shutterstock
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