The world of love and relationships offers as much pain, as it offers joy! Are you the kind of person who loves their S.O. unconditionally, but somehow the love always seems to be unreciprocated? Or, has your partner fallen out of love with you? After several failed attempts to make it work, are you thinking of how to stop loving someone who you have loved with all your heart, but who never seem to love you back? If yes, we hear you and we are here to help.
That point, when you finally realize that things are never going to work between you and your partner, because they aren’t even making an attempt to love you back, is dreadfully painful. I mean, love isn’t supposed to be forced, it should just flow, like a breeze! Nonetheless, this insight, though excruciating, is essential. This is the node that will push you into a new life, a life where you surround yourself with people who love you, do things that make you happy, and most importantly, love yourself!
Suggested read: 10 undoubtable signs that prove he will NEVER stop loving you
Here are 10 tips on how to stop loving someone who doesn’t love you back. I want you to believe that this is just the beginning. Only good things await you once you take this decision.
1. Stop being in touch
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Cut off all contact with this person you love but who doesn’t love you back. This is the first step and definitely, the hardest of all that is to follow. This is not an optional step that you may do if you feel like it or if you can muster the courage for. If you continue being in touch with your non-reciprocating partner, then things will only get worse.
Stop those phone calls, those emails, and texts. Stop reaching out to them. If they contact you, you should either not respond or graciously decline this offer to chat or spend some time together. Putting distance between the two of you is vital since it will let you see past your feelings, and reducing contact will help you to do the same.
2. Make a list of the problems in your relationship
Once the contact is reduced, you need to cement the distance created by analyzing the various reasons because of which your relationship would have never worked. You can begin with the obvious: the object of you affection doesn’t love you back. Now, no amount of reasoning or convincing could change that, because emotions, like love, trump reason.
All the potential problems need to be focused on. Maybe the embarrassment in front of friends or family. Include mundane things such as the conflicts, the struggle of even imagining an hour spent with them, unloved, etc.,
Think critically about this person that you gave your everything to. It is very difficult, but is necessary. Write down about the times when they disappointed you with their words or actions, or the dearth of it.
3. Notice other people
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Since you are not investing your time with your unrequited love, you should begin noticing other like-minded people around you. Feeling a spark with someone so instantaneously is not very likely, but that doesn’t mean you cannot appreciate a pleasant personality, a meaningful conversation, or a hilarious joke! Put in a conscious effort to try to find people who draw you by their appeal.
This is not the time to worry about finding yourself someone new to love. You just need to prove to yourself that there is nothing wrong in having eyes for someone other than your ex (or a person who never responded to your love). This exercise will let you feel way freer and happier as you won’t constantly think about this person who’s putting you through all this.
4. Give it some time and then move away
If you think that the situation needs some more time, that there is still some unfinished business between the two of you, we say give it the time it needs. Unsatisfied dreams of love have a weird way of drying up and wafting away if you make a conscious choice of not feeding them anymore. So once you have given it some good thinking and made a decision, stick to the plan. Make room for other people in your life, stay away from this person, and remind yourself of all the reasons that were making you feel so weak. One day, very soon from now, you will wake up to realize that thinking about this person does not break your heart anymore and that day you will start looking forward to a brand new adventure.
Suggested read: 10 compelling reasons to start loving yourself after a breakup
5. Try to understand the distinction between “love” and “being in love”
If you have had a rather long history with this person, it is difficult to imagine a life without them. However, here is the question I would like to ask you: Even if you still love them, can you end up not being in love with them, after all that happened? Grasping this difference is vital for you to be at peace with your leftover feelings; realizing that you just care for this person but are not romantically attracted to them. Let me give you an instance for a clearer picture. So, you love your parents, you love your siblings and your cousins, but that’s not the same as you being in love with them, right?
6. Try to create “real” distance between you and this person
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So we discussed how you need to sever all ties and cut off contact, but your partner (ex), may not be willing to do the same which will make it very difficult for you to maintain your stance. If this person keeps calling you, reaches out to you in person, you should meet them somewhere, and confront them about not contacting you anymore.
Being clear and firm is significant when saying “No” to something that is unacceptable to you. However, be polite. Don’t attack this other person. Instead say something like, “I need some time alone to get my life back on track. I know you are trying to help me. But right now, only I can help myself. Please try to understand.” Do not accuse or spread blame.
7. Keep yourself busy with the things you love doing
Once you stop loving someone, you are likely to feel a vacuum of empty time. These hours on your schedule need to be filled with that you enjoy doing; anything that doesn’t remind you of this person. There will be moments when you will catch yourself moping and reflecting, but don’t wallow in these bad feelings.
Increase your exercise regime. Socialize more. Get in touch with your old friends. Make some new ones. Channelize all your energy into something creative and productive. Keeping yourself busy is very essential at this point in time.
8. Start dating again
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Sooner or later, you will have to start dating again. No, you need not rush it, because it’s really bad to ‘use’ someone as a “rebound.” This will, in turn, prevent you from healing yourself, if you try to go about it in haste. However, once you are over what happened between you and the person you loved, nothing will boost your confidence better than a good date!
So, dress up, look your best, attend parties and karaoke, anything that lets the social person in you feel alive. Because it’s when you are happy that you look the most attractive, and that’s when you might meet someone interesting! 
The main purpose behind this exercise is to help you have some fun. Try online dating if being “really” social seems like a drag.
9. There is no “one and only”
This myth that God has made just one perfect someone for every person has to be done away with. As the cliché goes, there are plenty of fish in the sea, holds more than true when it comes to relationships. You need to mix with different kinds of people and then mutually decide if the two of you are compatible or not. A relationship is a learning experience, where you keep evolving to create a relationship that is exemplary. Along with this, you also need to get rid of ideas like, “I cannot imagine my life without them,” or, “She is the only person I have ever loved and so I can’t imagine anyone else as my wife.” Remember these thoughts are self-defeating. So stop repeating them.
Suggested read: 10 undoubtable signs that prove she will NEVER stop loving you
10. Fall in love with yourself
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
The last but the most important tip on how to stop loving someone, is to start loving yourself. Remember how much you loved getting wet on a rainy day but gave it up for this person because they hated it? And, how you were the most popular person in your social group, the friendliest, the wittiest, the smartest, but you couldn’t make time for that since you were busy loving someone who never reciprocated that love?! Yes, we tend to automatically stack ourselves on a shelf; our wishes, our hopes, our passions, and try and please the person we have fallen for. Well, now is the time to make amends. Always remember that you can go ahead and love the world, but absolutely must love yourself first!
These tips on how to stop loving someone will help you start loving people who are worthy of being loved. You create space in your heart for yourself, which is, though neglected by most, very crucial.
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
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