10 Sure Signs You’re Ready To Date After A Breakup

by Fabida Abdulla · July 31, 2015

“Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time.” – Malcolm X

Pretty much every person on this earth has gone through heartbreak at some point in time. It could be major or minor, but it must have heart all the same. It’s no wonder that there are so many poems and songs dedicated to the pain of a broken heart! (Hello, Taylor Swift!) After a breakup, you have to deal with all the hurt and possibly betrayal, and it feels like you’re not destined for love. But things do look up after a while, and a breakup doesn’t necessarily mean the end of the world (although it may appear as much at the time!). After such an ordeal, it can take some time and courage to put yourself out there again. Friends and family members want to see you happy again, so they’re likely to urge you to go date again. But whatever anyone says, it’s up to you to take the final plunge and decide if it’s the right time for you to get back on the horse and think about how to start dating again!

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A breakup leaves a person with all kinds of emotions, and pretty strong ones at that. There are likely to be a lot of residual feelings from the broken relationship, including anger, jealousy, regret, and even a twisted kind of fondness. All these can leave you feeling vulnerable, and it’s understandable that you don’t even want to think about dating for a while. It is even recommended to take some time off to heal and get your old self back. This extra time also provides you with an opportunity to reassess your relationship needs and future plans. This is the healthy way to move on with your life and think about starting to date again. Now, there are some signs that you are definitely not ready to date, a few of which are listed here.

1. Every one of your conversations features your ex

If all your conversations go like this, “When my ex and I used to do that, we… ,” then honey, you are NOT over them yet. These things take time, so just chill and take it easy.

2. Your ex has a new significant other

Oh dear, could there possibly be a worse reason to start dating again? Just because your ex has moved on faster than the speed of light, doesn’t mean you have anything to prove. It’s these kinds of thoughts that provide fodder for a rebound relationship.

3. You need someone to come home to

Loneliness after a breakup is understandable, but really, is that why you want to start dating? Well, then call your mom over, or get a dog or something. Unless you’re able to handle your emotions, you’re not ready to start dating.

4. You’re stalking them on social media

Clearly, you’re not over your ex, so don’t even think about dating at this point! And stop with the stalking, it’s unhealthy and prevents you from healing naturally, not to mention being super-creepy!

5. You have an ex-museum

No, we’re not talking about a former museum; we’re talking about a museum dedicated to your forma er significant other. If you have a little shrine at your place with ticket stubs of movies you watched together along with their leftover personal possessions like nail clippers, hairbrush, or even something small like a t shirt, you are so not ready to date!

Okay, now that we know the signs that you’re definitely not ready to date, let’s consider the signs that you are. Now, you may exhibit some of these signs, so should you wait till all of them apply? We think: yes, it’s better to be sure before setting out to date again, so you can be your best, confident self. So if you’re wondering about how to start dating again, read on!

10 sure signs you’re ready to date after a breakup

1. You’re not angry

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Well, if you’re still angry, then don’t bother reading the rest of the list. This is one of the most dominant emotions one feels after a breakup, and the most destructive too. When you find that you’re no longer angry or spiteful towards your ex, your healing has progressed considerably and your heart is ready to open up again. This also includes not being angry at yourself or at someone else you might think is responsible for your breakup.

2. You don’t look back at the past

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It’s normal to live in the lanes of the past for a while after a breakup. You tend to go over every conversation, every meeting and try to search for some clue. Of course, this doesn’t help much but is normal. Soon, you reach a stage when this exercise becomes tiring, and you no longer want to revisit the past. This is a good sign that you’re ready for the future and are moving on.

3. You find other people attractive

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Soon after the breakup, you were probably seeing your ex everywhere and barely noticed anyone else. But with time, the fog clears and you start noticing cute guys (or girls). When you are able to find people attractive without having to compare them to your ex, your ‘cuteness radar’ is back in action! Now if this isn’t a sign that you’re ready to date again, we don’t know what is!

4. You’re feeling confident and good about yourself

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Immediately after you breakup with someone, you’re a mess – emotionally and physically (probably even financially, but we’ll get to that). As you recover, you forgive yourself along with forgiving others and you learn to love yourself again. The signs are easy to spot – you pick up the pieces and put yourself back together, you start working out and look and feel better in general. And yes, you’ve probably started wondering how to start dating again as well!

5. You’re able to identify what you want

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One advantage of taking time off after a broken relationship is that it gives you the space and time to do some introspection. You are able to see things you couldn’t under the cloud of pain and hurt, and they can open your eyes to a few realities. Most of all, you find that you’re more sure about what you want in your relationship and what you are not willing to compromise on. That’s a great attitude to have when going back to dating!

Suggested read: 12 signs it’s time to get over your breakup

6. Other aspects of your life are under control

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An important sign that you’re completely stable and ready to date is the stability of your life in general. When you have moved past a heartbroken state and come back to the real world, all aspects of your life – finances, health, career, home – will be under control. Besides, you don’t want stresses of any kind cramping your style when you start dating again!

7. You find yourself with free time

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A new relationship takes time, effort, and energy, which is why we’re writing this list in the first place! So when you find that after settling all your affairs (pun unintended), you have free time on your hands, it’s a sign that you have space in your life for something new. After all, time is the most expensive commodity out there, and if you have some to spare, you’re a lucky person!

8. You can talk about relationships

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Without being bitter, we should add. Right after a breakup, hearing others talk about their ‘perfect’ relationships can be annoying, to say the least. But when you can talk about relationships in an objective manner, without having uncomfortable feelings surface, you know you’ve moved on in a good way!

9. You are ready to have fun

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A breakup is a period painted in shades of grey (not those shades of Grey!). Everything is gloomy and dull, and you just want to cover yourself with a blanket and go to sleep. When you emerge from this shell, like a beautiful butterfly, you’re rejuvenated and see the world in a better light. When you’re ready to have fun, it means that you’ve left the past behind and are excited and ready for a bright future.

10. You just know

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Okay, this may sound a little new age-y, but it’s true; when you know, you know! Your instincts exist for a reason, which is why you should pay good attention to them. Sometimes, your career may be in a mess, but you know that your heart and life are just ready for new love. Or you may be all of the things listed above, but you still don’t feel ready deep inside. It’s all okay, go for it only when you feel like it.

Suggested read: 10 lessons to take away from breakups

Most of all, it’s important to remember that what works for your bestie may not necessarily work in the same way for you. Your best friend was probably ready early and met the love of their life 3 months after breaking up with their ex, but it’s been 9 months for you and you’re still not ready. Recovering from a breakup is a very personal process and everyone goes through it in their own way and in their own time. So don’t stress about it, just focus on healing and when you’re sure you’re ready, go for it!

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Summary