There’s a reason ‘exes’ are ‘exes.’ However, that is not to discourage you, not in a post like this! In fact, it is only a reminder of the ‘decision’ that may ‘make or break’ your love life. So, before you get behind the wheel and jam on the accelerator hard, it is necessary to know if you want to get your ex back for the right reasons. While you may have tasted the ‘time apart,’ done the soul-searching, dated some lackluster women, and realized that you were somewhat of a d**khead to let her go, Round two might not come all that easy. Why? Coz, well, it is Round two!!
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Of course, the ‘time apart’ might have given you a good grip over the post-breakup phenomenon where all you want to do in the entirety of your waking (and may be dreaming) existence is to get back with your ex. Or maybe not so much. If you are still in the throes of Breakup-itis and the months apart have done nothing to alleviate the pain, then you should probably just shut down the engine! I know the pain feels like #$^&@ and seems like it is never going to pass, but it does! However, if you have absorbed the shock, then there are a few questions, whose honest answers may help steer you toward getting your ex back or taking a U-turn and driving full-throttle in the opposite direction.
Suggested read: Breakup or makeup – when to let go
First of all, address the ‘why.’ In the ‘why’ of this situation lies the key to gauging if getting back with your ex is really a good idea! If you want to win her back, by all means, go all in. But if you only want to win, pause. That might only be an urge to massage your ego by proving that she will still take you back. And you might not be able to differentiate between the two. So, list out her pros and cons. If what you like about her outweighs what you don’t, you have a green signal. If not, go down some beers and beat your buds at some game. Your relationship isn’t the challenge you need.
Next, address the ‘fallout.’ If you can identify the cracks that caused the rift to widen and burst open and think you can bridge them, it might be a definite sign that you are ready to waltz around a second time. However, if you cannot identify any areas that you can fix (calling when you are out, flirting with other people, etc.,), then you might be better off without initiating a blame-game round of relationship-failure.
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Last but not least is accountability. Can you own up to your side of the mess? If you can look your ex in the eye, take responsibility for your half of the relationship’s demise, apologize, and tell her you miss her, without as much as a beep about her fault, you are on the right path. Of course, the decision is half-hers, and since you ask, binding and final. But let it be known that you do want that round two!
Getting impatient, are you? This is all about the homework, you ask – what about the class work? You know you want to get your ex back, now what? How to get your ex back? How do you get her to say ‘yes?’ If the answer to all of the above questions signals a green, how do you ensure that your attempts to re-engage do not backfire? How do you make the Round two moves? How do you win her back? How to get your ex back after months apart?
Suggested read: 10 lessons to take away from your first breakup
With our simple tips to get your ex back after months apart:
1. Text first
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This is a non-intrusive method to reinstate contact. Send a simple text and see how she responds. Do not wait by your phone for days, but look out for her reply. If she does reply, she may be open to being in touch with you. Keep the string going.
2. Take it slooooooooow
Just because you have dated her in the past does not mean that you can skip those first few notches. Do not expect to rev up your engine from zero to sixty without as much as getting behind the wheel. Propose getting back together (and that does not mean moving in together) and wait for her response. If she says no, don’t push for it. If she says yes, she might be open to testing the waters! Yep, women are complex creatures, so move on to the next step.
3. You may call now
Call her and ask her out. No ‘my place-your place’ date, just a visit to an art gallery or a hike on a sunny day! Again, do not be pushy if she isn’t ready to see you yet!
4. Open up
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If she accepts your date invite, get together in a relaxed setting and ease in. Ask her what’s going on, how her work is, if her dog still poops on the porch, and if she still cooks those amazing meatballs! Then, allow your desire to get back with her to trickle into the conversation seamlessly. Vulnerability might up your chances and keep it light and fluffy on the surface. You don’t have to scoop the pus off old wounds! Just let it be known that you want to get back with her and see how she reacts. No pressure!
5. Own up
If she seems open to the idea, you may want to man up and acknowledge your shortcomings. The list you made in step 2 and 3 of the li’l self-test outlined earlier on may come in handy here. Tell her you are willing to set things right by taking responsibility for yourself and your actions. A real apology works wonders!
Suggested read: 10 lessons only your breakups will teach you
6. Do not broach the past
Just because you have acknowledged the problem does not mean that you need to scrape and hash out all things that went amiss. Your trip down memory lane should, instead, focus on the positives – trying to bring out the memories that kept it worthwhile.
7. Use the friend group
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Recreating happy moments is always best in a safe, familiar setting – and friends help to tap into a lot of the potential in the process. A mutual friend group may not only share jokes, stories, and anecdotes of the epic times you two had as a couple, but also smoothen out the awkward pauses and the uncomfortable silences.
8. Do not compare notes
PLEASE!! Get over that hiatus. No good can come from her hearing about your bad dates and conquests and your envying the guys who took your place!
9. Do the work
Do not expect that your shared past with the person shall take care of the present. Do not, for once, think that it was your onus to own up to your mistakes and now, you can very well, relapse into your old patterns of indifference. If you expect the magic to happen without so much as a flick of the wand, dude, that takes the effort to move that hand and cast the spell too! Love is hard work and you cannot expect to reap its fruits unless you are willing to sully your hands in the mud and manure!
10. Show up for the Report Card
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Show up. If you’ve done all it takes, and even if you haven’t. Either way, your heart would know what the result would be. Accept it, for it is a reflection of your ‘work’ (howmuchsoever and howsoever it was or wasn’t). Also, remember that you can hand out a grade-sheet to your ex too! And that’d be a reflection on whether or not her acceptance of the situation aligned well with what her actions had to say, loud and clear! If the grades on both match, it’d be time for relationship promotion! Or else, you are back where you started!
These are the only steps you will ever need! Anybody who claims that twisted methods of manipulation, deceit, and trickery work is an a****le. Try these, coz I am asking you to!
Also, remember that while I have used specific pronouns in the article, the rules apply both ways. The tips aren’t gender-specific and you can use them to get your ex back, even after you have spent considerable time apart. Of course, the wooing will be way different and the final answer can be a ‘no’ (yep, that’s right, just wrap your head around it). But you owe it to yourself to give the relationship you really want, a good try! Of course, if it doesn’t yield an affirmative on both ends or things begin to head South again, you’d better bid the final goodbye. And burn the bridges forever!
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
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