In a world where women are getting more empowered by the day, and broken families are becoming a common sight to behold in society, it is not surprising if your significant other belongs to one. Single mothers raising daughters is something that we see everywhere nowadays, and whether it is because their husbands died, or because they consciously chose to go their separate ways, is a different issue altogether. You need to know everything you should and should not do, when you are dating a girl without a father.
When you think of the conventional norms of dating, you almost always think of “trying to impress the girl’s father.” The father is usually the protective, possessive figure in the girl’s life, and there is the whole “daddy’s girl” business that a lot of boyfriends have to deal with. However, dating a girl without a father is a whole different ballgame altogether, and by no means am I calling it an easier feat. Even though the absence of a father may not affect their sentiments too much, it is undeniable that the characteristics of such girls – their personality, the way they behave, the way they go about their lives – are very different from women who have always been sheltered and raised by a father or a father figure in their lives.
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Here is everything you need to know before you date a girl without a father.
1. She is extraordinarily strong and independent.
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Women derive strength from a lot of things; however, a man in her life is not one of them. This is especially true for girls who have grown up without fathers in their lives. Her strength and her independence and confidence have developed through the process of dealing with the absence of a father. His absence has taught her how to be independent and self-sufficient, so these are characteristic traits that you have to deal with. There is no denying that the presence of an adult man in the family yields a lot of benefits in this society, and your girl has done without those privileges and fought against the tide to emerge as one of the strongest, most self-sufficient human beings.
2. An attempt to become the “man in her life” is a mistake.
A lot of men think that the absence of a father is like a deficiency disease in a girl’s life, which needs compensating. It is impractical to assume that a girl who has grown up without her dad has never felt something lacking or missing from her life. However, it is also completely false to presume that that is all she thinks about – filling up the father-sized hole in her life. If you have found a girl who is willing to date you, it also means that she has gotten over the fact that she has grown up without a father and is ready to move on. What you must not try to do is take control of her life by trying to become “the man” in her life. The fact is, she doesn’t need one, and if you truly love her, then you will become her favorite person anyway.
3. She might have trust issues.
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Dating a girl without a father is tricky because it is difficult to get through the walls that she has built around herself, because of her major trust issues, which obviously have stemmed from the missing father figure in her life. Whether her father died, or ran away, or divorced her mother, it is natural for her to mistrust any man with her feelings and emotions, because most little girls grow up hearing their fathers telling them that they are loved, cherished, and made to feel safe. These are things that she has had to do without, which is why you might have some trouble getting through to her initially, till she is finally able to trust you to not hurt her feelings or leave her.
4. Her past does not define her.
Just because you are dating a girl without a father, does not mean she is an alien, or she speaks a different tongue. There is no need for a physical reaction every time you see her, or writhe with sympathy when you talk to her. The lack of a father in her life might determine how she feels about certain things, but it does not define who she is as a person, so it is absolutely important to judge her impartially, without constantly thinking of the fact that she has grown up without a father. This attitude will only encourage her to alienate you further from who she truly is.
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5. They will never settle for less because they know what they want in a partner.
Even though you think you can get away with a lot of things because you are dating a girl without a father, think again. Their circumstances in life have made them tough, and they know exactly what they want from a partner. For example, they are never going to settle for someone who treats them like an option, or who is casual about their relationship with them. They are going to settle for nothing less than what they know they deserve, without exceptions.
6. It takes time for them to be free and unguarded.
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
This is again related to the trust issues that girls like this are likely to have. They have spent their lives being on guard when it comes to men, because they have grown up knowing that the one man who was supposed to be there, was not there for them. When you come into their lives, it is natural for them to feel guarded and cautious, and think twice before deciding how much they should truly reveal to you. Getting to know a girl like this is a process that one needs to undergo gradually, with patience. But once you do, there is a whole new person waiting to be discovered beneath the surface.
7. She hates all kinds of conflict.
Conflict has a lot of psychological connotations that you need to take into consideration when you are getting into a relationship with a girl who has grown up without a father. It means fighting, and differences between two people, which may eventually lead to separation. The idea of something like this happening every time there is conflict in their lives is daunting and unwanted. One of the most important things to remember is that even when you fight, it is because of some misunderstanding, and not because she is the fighting type or because she is agitated all the time in general.
8. Problems, for her, are meant to be shoved under a carpet.
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There is no denying that girls who do not have a father figure in their lives have problems that they have to deal with on a daily basis. Even though it may not directly impact their lives, it is a thought that plagues them continuously. However, if they are suffering from a problem or feeling down on some days, does not mean that they will be very vocal about it. In fact, in all likelihood, you won’t even understand when there is something on their minds, because they are afraid no one will understand. Therefore, most of her coping mechanism consists of shoving these problems and thoughts and questions under the carpet, so as to not bother or inconvenience anyone else. During times like these, you have to be empathetic and sensitive, and not push her or criticize her for dealing with her thoughts the way she does.
9. She likes male attention.
A lot of men mistake strength and independence after the lack of a father in someone’s life to represent other things like snobbishness, or disinterest in men. However, the truth is the exact opposite. When girls like this get male attention (of the non-creepy kind), they genuinely enjoy it, for they have never had a man’s perspective or a man’s opinion about them. This has nothing to do with validation of the self, but the truth is, they like it when men compliment them or do small things like get her flowers and the like.
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10. Her love is complete and pure.
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The thing about loving a girl who has grown up without one of her parent duo, is that she will love you back completely and honestly, once you have managed to surpass those high walls that she keeps built around her at all times. Because she knows what it feels like to live without receiving a certain kind of love from a certain kind of person, she is all for compensating that same love which she didn’t receive, and giving it to someone else.
Thus, the moral of the story is that a girl who has grown up without a father deserves to be treated with love, sensitivity, and respect, and rest assured, you will get the best kind of love back.
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
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