You’re in the most perfect relationship – scratch that, your relationship is perfect for the two of you, you couldn’t be happier if you tried, you both work together beautifully and seamlessly as a team, a unit, and you’re in love with each other even after all this time. However, after a certain point in time, this idyllic picture takes a turn – sometimes for the better, and more often than not, for the worse. It doesn’t always remain the same, and nor should it. Because the law of nature is CHANGE, and no one can escape it, not even you.
Times change, people change, perspectives change, and feelings change. The fact is, the way you feel about a loved one changes too, no matter how truly, madly, deeply you might love them. However, this need not alarm you because with consistent effort and nourishment, these feelings can change for the better, the best in fact.
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The secret to staying in love is very simple – put in the necessary work.
You might frown saying, that’s it, but following through with it, every day of every week of every month of every year you spend together, is what makes for a relationship that will stand the test of time.
So let’s take a look at how you can keep your love alive for a long time to come:
1. Be romantic
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You may be under a lot of pressure at work and at home, but you can never let this one slide. It doesn’t need much effort to be romantic. An unexpected bouquet of flowers, a surprise date night, a surprise weekend getaway, or even you cooking a meal when your partner comes home tired. Such efforts keep your relationship from going down the path of tedium, while helping you steer it towards fun and freshness and excitement.
2. Be affectionate
You don’t have to get sexual to be intimate with your partner. There are many different types of touches and gestures that non-sexual and just as intimate, if not more so. Show affection to your partner by holding their hand when you walk beside each other, press a kiss to their forehead in a gesture of appreciation, hug them when they’re weary, sit close together on the couch with your arm across their shoulder, cuddle on the couch while watching TV – any of these gestures could let your partner know how much they mean to you. These little gestures of affection lays the foundation of love and intimacy that would eventually become unshakable.
3. Make time
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One of the secrets to staying in love with your partner is by making time for them and your relationship. You both need to spend ‘quality time’ together, which means no distractions, no interruptions, no disturbances – just you and your partner, enjoying each other’s company and learning to share your feelings and emotions. This is the best time to divulge what’s happening in your lives and catch up in general, and even discuss how to work towards the future you both want and desire. No matter how busy or distracted you get, you need to set aside this special time to just be, as a couple.
4. Make space
Not in the literal sense, but as much time as you spend together, there are times where you need to spend apart as well. While this might seem contradictory to the previous point, it really doesn’t. When you spend time together, make sure that it’s really quality time that you enjoy, but equally important is time and space spent apart. This is where your identities thrive. Just because you’re a couple doesn’t mean you should be joined at the hip with your partner. That would just be plain suffocating. Go out, have a night out with your friends, indulge in your hobbies, take a trip with your college buddies, or even go have drinks with colleagues. The point is, you need to spend time apart to have a healthy and stable relationship, which allows you to appreciate each other even more. After all, absence does make a heart grow fonder.
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5. Really listen
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Although this might seem like a given, it’s really not. How many times have you tuned out what your spouse is saying? How many times have you gone on a mental tour of your favorite place rather than really listen to what your partner has been saying? This tendency to tune your partner out usually happens over a period of time. However, it’s really important to listen and pay attention when your partner is saying something to you. When they share news with you, it means it’s important to them. If you really pay attention, it would mean a lot to them.
6. No nagging
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This can get really annoying the longer it’s allowed to go on. It could start off something small like the fact that you didn’t change the light bulb when you said you would. While this might seem like a harmless pastime, if allowed to go on, it will dissolve any loving feelings, soon. It can even lead to resentment. If your spouse nags at you, have an adult conversation with them about how it annoys you, rather than yelling or having a shouting match with them. That will only give free entertainment to your neighbors.
7. Do your chores
The house belongs to the both of you, so does the housework. Share the burden by helping around the house as much as you can. You need to work as a team to complete the housework. Even if only one of you works and the other is a stay-at-home spouse, help them out once in a while by taking on the chores. Even they need an occasional day off, just like you.
8. Be fit
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Couples let themselves go once they’re been in a relationship long enough. However, there’s really no excuse for that. Although you’ve been together for a long time now and you’ve seen each other at your worst, it’s no reason to let yourself go. You need to look and feel great for your partner to appreciate you and love you all the more. Put on that red lipstick that matches your clingy dress for your weekly date night. Put on your new cologne with that blue shirt that makes your eyes pop. It makes you and your partner feel good about yourselves when you dress up and look good. This is just one of the ways of staying in love.
9. Be saucy
An active sex life is one of the main ingredients of a healthy, stable, loving relationship. When you enjoy naughty times with your partner, feel good hormones are released into your blood stream, and you actually feel good. And when you feel good, it translates into happiness and contentment. Not only are you physically close when you’re sexually intimate, you feel emotionally closer to your partner as well. Sex has the power to alleviate stress and tension that may be threatening your relationship.
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10. Seek help
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If you’ve hit rock bottom and none of your efforts are making any dent in it, then it’s time to seek professional help. Granted marital counseling doesn’t appeal to everyone, but if you’re serious enough about saving your relationship, then this shouldn’t be too much of a problem for you. Also, if you’ve hit rock bottom, then you have nothing else to lose, and if professional help is the only option left to you, then why not give it a shot? It might help, it might not. But you won’t know that unless you try it. If nothing else, your willingness to seek professional help shows that you’re still in love with your partner and that you’re willing to try anything – at least once.
If you’re looking for a magical, one-time formula for staying in love forever with your partner, then you’ve come to the WRONG place. There was never, there is no, and there will be no magical formula for a successful and healthy relationship. The secret is – hard work, effort, and nourishment, provided to it, every day.
If you’re willing to put in this effort, then you’re one step closer to achieving that perfect relationship. Good luck!
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