All couples have problems. Whether you are married or engaged or dating, no matter how blissful you think your relationship is, problems are bound to occur. However, that doesn’t mean that it is the end of your relationship either. There is a reason why couples’ therapy as a profession exists, and in order to save your relationship and live the best life together, there are certain relationship exercises which are recommended.
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There are two kinds of couples. One is the kind of couple who believe that they have no problems whatsoever in their relationship and all points of contention are swept under the carpet. Their problem is living in denial, which is much more deep-rooted than others who fight out right. The other kind of couple believe that every single fight is the be-all and end-all of their relationship, which leads to irreconcilable differences, and because they have fought, there is no way they can find happiness with each other again.
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However, if you are reading this, then you are neither of the above. You recognize that you have problems in your relationship and you are willing to fix them, instead of choosing to ignore them or ending your relationship. The truly successful relationships require a lot of work and effort, and these exercises can help you make your relationship infinitely better.
When you go to a couples’ therapist, they give you certain exercises to do with your partner, as a means of repairing your relationship. Depending on the kind of problems you are having, whether it is communication problems, intimacy problems or the like, they give you relationship exercises, which can help you regain the love and balance while helping you eradicate all miscommunication by making you understand each other better.
Couples’ therapy can, however, get expensive, which is why we have compiled a list of exercises you can practice with your partner, to find happiness with each other, and make your relationship better than it was.
1. Create relationship traditions
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A lot of the times, problems in relationships occur because couples are unable to handle their relationship. They tend to take each other and their time for granted, and drift apart eventually. To make sure that you love each other as you should, try using relationship traditions.
Relationship traditions are things that you do with your partner on a regular basis without fail. These traditions can be as simple as talking with each other for half an hour before bed, or going out for a date night every Saturday, or attending an exhibition together every week. Do whatever the two of you like, and do it without fail. Treat it like an obligation, and soon it will become an indispensable habit with the person you love most in the world.
2. Talk about your problems without inhibition
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Contrary to what people might say, it is actually very difficult to talk to the people you are super close to, without inhibition, because seeing them hurt by something you say is much more difficult and their opinion is much more valuable to you, which is why much more is at stake. You have to gather all your mental strength and resolve to talk to your partner completely candidly about the things that you are feeling.
When you are talking to them about your problems and shortcomings as a couple, you have to ingrain into your system the fact that everyone is right in their own way. If they challenge what you say, they aren’t being defensive, but simply putting forth their point of view. Make sure both you and your partner know that.
3. List the things you love about each other
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Every time you are feeling isolated from your partner, one of the things you can do is remind yourself why you are together in the first place. When you are in a long-term relationship, understanding your partner and their perspectives can become difficult. You can feel distant from them, and hate them for the lamest of reasons.
To get back your footing, try talking to your partner about it first, and if talking gets the two of you even more excited, then calm down and sit with your own lists. Write down everything you love about each other and show it to the other person.
4. Use positive language
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Language and the way you speak with each other have a profound impact on your relationship. When you get into a fight, it is easier to just give in to the negative energy that is coursing through your mind and body and use foul language and accuses and abuses. When you have hit a rough patch in your relationship, you might find yourself discouraging your partner, putting them down, and radiating a general sense of negativity and pessimism.
Even though it might seem like a lot of effort, try to be positive and modulate your language into being positive. If you have nothing positive to say, simply keep quiet, but don’t go down the other road.
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5. Talk to your partner about regular things
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Sometimes couples get so caught up in their own love life and their problems that they forget about the simpler rules of communication. Talk to your partner, like you would talk with your friends. It is not imperative that whenever you talk to them, you have to talk about deep, profound things like love, life and your feelings. You can ask them simple questions about their work, their day, their dreams and aspirations, something that has been bothering you, the National Debt, and any other random thing.
This is one way you could get over your communication problem. When you start talking to them and checking in with them on a daily basis, you develop a relationship deeper than a simple romantic relationship- a relationship made of trust, dependence and friendship, which is bound to improve the quality of your love life to a great extent.
6. Trust your instincts
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Even though this might sound like a rather risky exercise, it is one of the most important. Couples tend to have a lot of problems, mostly because they over think things that could be solved very easily. The solution to these problems is basically your gut instinct, which people tend to ignore most of the time.
When you are making a decision, or even saying something which isn’t a casual comment, you almost always know instinctively whether it is going to affect your relationship positively or negatively. As much as possible, try to avoid doing or saying things which you know will lead to fights and harm your relationship and isolate your partner. Trust in your instincts and if what you are about to do is unavoidable, handle it accordingly, instead of getting defensive.
7. Go on a vacation together
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If you have already been to your honeymoon, go again. If you haven’t traveled together, there is no better time to go. If you have been to several places together already, then this is time you go on a trip, knowing full well why you are going with each other. Most of the time, couples’ therapists recommend going on vacations together, because there is no better way to get to know each other and reconnect.
Whether it is a weekend road trip, or an international vacation you both have wanted to take for a long time now, go live with the person exclusively for some time and share new experiences and make new memories. Whether good or bad, your relationship will definitely undergo a change, and you will be able to think more clearly about what you both want from life, and each other.
8. Cuddle together
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Right now, you might be thinking, “That’s lame” or “That’s immature” and a variety of other things. However, cuddling has literally scientifically been proven to make people calm, affectionate and more understanding. It released pheromones, which are the happy hormones, in your body to help you reconnect with your partner more easily. It is also an intimate act, without the pressures of sex, so if you have been having problems with your partner, try cuddling to sleep every night.
9. Learn to listen to your partner
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For couples who have been together for too long, listening to your partner feels like an exercise which got lost in time. One of the most recommended exercises is listening to your partner, without interruption, without expressing your opinion or arguing or disagreeing or even agreeing.
This can help you learn about your partner’s outlook on life, and help you understand each other better. It is also a lesson in patience, so that when you to are faced by a temporary trial, you know the other person well enough to coordinate your plan of action.
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10. Create a code language of your own
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The whole idea of a mutually giving relationship is “us against the world”. When you are having relationship problems, it might be difficult to feel that way, because you are constantly feeling like you are at odds with your partner, and you feel isolated from them. To feel like you are a unit again, you can go back to your high school days, when you invented code words with your friends, girlfriends and boyfriends to talk in secret when other people were around.
Remember all the inside jokes you have and use any random phrase like “spicy coffee” or “I can see a rainbow” or legit any random phrase which would illicit the same reaction as saying “I love you” would. This immediately makes you and your partner feel exclusively connected with each other, apart from the rest of the world.
Once you have practiced and mastered these relationship exercises, your relationship will once again feel loving and effortless, and you’ll be thankful that you never gave up on each other.
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