You could be a one-woman man, or a one-man woman. Or you could be the one who dates recklessly and doesn’t really invest yourself emotionally in someone else. You might like it casual or serious, strings or no strings.
But if you have found the love of your life, you are going to have a really hard time getting over them when they leave. They are that one person who makes you light up at the sight of them, compels you to feel secure just because they exist, and makes you feel complete. When you finally meet them, you feel your quest of finding your one true love is over and you are going to be happy for the rest of your life. They have left an impact on you like no one else has, and seem to be the only way you can and will ever feel fulfilled.
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
But, alas, that does not mean this person is going to stay in your life. You might have never really spoken to them because you feel way too many butterflies in your stomach in their presence, or your feelings might not have been reciprocated. Or you might have actually gotten into a relationship with them and ended it, before realizing that they were actually meant for you.
Losing the love of your life is one of the worst tragedies that can come to pass – it won’t be surprising if you feel like you have lost purpose in life. If your head is in a jumble and somewhere deep within you just hurts, that is when you know.
Suggested read: Why your relationship after a failed marriage has a better chance to succeed
If you are stuck and can’t think straight about what is going on with you, here are precisely some reasons why you are having a hard time getting over that special someone:
1. You have made an emotional investment in them
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
You had channeled a great deal of emotions and mind space into the person. No matter how far you went or if you didn’t start at all, you had spent time impressing them, thinking about them, or being in their company. You had tried to accommodate them into your life and also probably made future plans with them.
Did you really think it was going to be easy to stop thinking about them? No. All of those compromises that you had already made or thought of making are an emotional investment. Seeing that investment go down the drain is a heartbreaking loss more than any amount of money could be.
2. Let’s not even get started on the time that you have spent on them
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
Besides spending a lot of time thinking about them, you had also made countless adjustments to incorporate their plans into your schedule and spend time with them or for them. You had skipped work because they were sick, sacrificed family time just because you would rather spend time with your significant other, and so much more. What are you going to do now with all those hours in the day?
It doesn’t end there. You had also definitely spent a lot of time trying to look great for them. You want them to see the best of you at all times and you work hard for it. You groomed yourself and gave up on that little extra sleep that you once enjoyed with a smile on your face. You don’t know if you have someone else you care enough to do that for any more.
3. You had done things for them that you would otherwise never do
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
You had made extreme sacrifices for them – from altering your tastes and friendships to moving house – all from the heart and without an ounce of discomfort. But now that they are gone, you will have to go back to your regular life with the realization that you are not going to have them again.
All of those actions seem like they were in vain, and you start to feel miserable and disappointed in yourself. It is best to put an end to this negative thinking, or you are going to find yourself in a bad, bad mess.
4. You think you could have done better
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
Here is the biggest dilemma –you end up considering yourself to be unworthy of being with the person you considered to be the love of your life. You might even deserve better, but you tend to drill holes in your confidence and try to think of what you could have done better.
This is the most natural thing to feel. Even if the other person had been a complete a$$ to you and did not deserve you, you somehow fail to understand that you cannot force someone to love you, and neither do you have control over how things turn out.
Suggested read: 10 simple yet essential romantic needs of a man
5. They are etched in your memory like none other
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
You might have been with many other people before and after this one particular person. But this is the one who is etched in your memory and are not going to be wiped away. You cannot seem to forget the little details about them – the way they spoke or swept back their hair, the inside jokes, and so much more.
You might be tempted to think that there is no way they can be erased from your memory and continue to keep them on your mind. You risk becoming the person who makes it difficult for yourself to move on as you close your mind to everything and everyone else.
6. They are now your gold standard for everything
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
Be it looks, personality, style, bank balance, or even how they are in bed, they have become the benchmark for everything that you want and crave for in any romantic involvement. You cannot help from comparing new partners to this one person who had made a solid impact on you, which is going to make everything uncomfortable.
Not everybody is going to be understanding. After all, no one is comfortable if their partner is thinking of someone else all the time. This will create problems in future relationships, and would only drag you back further in ruminating about the foregone love of your life.
7. You keep yourself happy with the imaginary notion that things might eventually work out
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
This is again something we all do. We end up thinking that it is going to work out with “the one” somehow so that you can be with them for life. This false hope generally makes it a lot more difficult for us to move on and get over them after they are long gone.
This is not only going to keep you in a world of fallacies, but is also unhealthy for your future. You would not be able to embrace another person in your life if you continue to think this way, blocking out the possibility of developing a happy relationship in the future with someone else. If this idea is precisely in your head, you need to get rid of it now.
8. The social pressure is also getting to you
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
You are suddenly hyper-conscious of the happy couples around you, and especially when you are going through a tough time in your romantic life – everybody seems to be super contented in their relationship. This is not all – everybody who knew about the love of your life is also going to bring it up at least once.
All of these constant reminders of your pain do not help in the slightest. Even if it has been a while since you moved on, even a joke about them can open the floodgates to a long and unpleasant memory lane. Pictures on social media, old albums, favorite songs, and TV shows all make it so much more difficult to just forget about everything that you had felt.
9. You do not feel strongly for anything or anyone else for a while
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
You had felt very strongly for this person whom you thought would be your partner for life. It was intense for you, even if it might not have been the same for them. But now, suddenly, you do not have anything to feel that strongly for, even when you stop feeling emotionally numb.
Perhaps you are in a place where you need something/someone to keep you occupied the same way as the love of your life once did. You keep away from relationships as you do not want to wrong someone else while in your fragile state, and you are not in the mood to do much else either. This makes it all the more difficult for you to get over this one person who had made an impact in your life.
Suggested read: 25 telltale signs you’re going steady with your boyfriend
10. You can’t help but think of it as your loss, and a great loss
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
You love them and have probably moved on with your life, but they are the love of your life! They are the one whom you had imagined a long future with. When you see that they are not going to be present in your life in the same position as you had thought, all your fantasies are taken away from you. You can’t even think a few days ahead.
This is the difference between any random relationship and the one you have with the love of your life. You cannot pass this one by as their loss – it’s yours. Knowing that they exist and you cannot have them is really difficult, and you feel that your world is coming to an end. And even if you have gotten ahead of it, you can never laugh off the time you spent mourning over that relationship.
We understand that you may be stuck in a rut, but all this does not mean that your life is a waste. With optimism, openness, and positive thinking, you can cope and move on, letting your experiences with this person become a sweet memory at the back of your mind. If all goes well, you might even land the same person, or even someone who proves to be an even truer love of your life.
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
Facebook
Disqus
Google + 
