It might seem like the universe playing an ugly joke but it’s true – women do seem to gravitate toward those select few of the male species who don a glistening band on their ring finger or have clear markers (read: arm around the girlfriend’s waist) of being in a committed relationship. ‘The grass is always greener on the other side’ syndrome?
Well… should be so simple except it isn’t.
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The ‘why’ part of women being drawn to men in relationships – having the eye for the husband who is picking dinner-to-go, the hots for the super-sweet committed boyfriend of a colleague, the fantasies for someone claimed by another – eludes a singular, definitive reason. Not that we are saying it’s right or that there’s an excuse for it or even that it’s logical, but yes, there are many reasons why women get drawn toward men in relationships.
Suggested read: Emotional infidelity is worse than a physical affair!
1. The allure of a win-win equation
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A relationship with a married/committed man brings the woman all the benefits of romance sans the responsibility! Sound interesting? Well, there you go. What can be more practically viable and beneficial than having the ‘happily-ever-afters’ of romance coupled with financial security without the full enchilada of marriage and children? The women in question see the arrangement as more than a one night stand but less than a full-time beau, thereby, having space to hit on other men whilst enjoying her paté from the plate they stole the bite from. Either way, they escape the hassle of being the harridan at home moaning about taking the bins out, not having enough money to pay the bills, and walking around with a face pack on. They’d pick their own platter of romantic dinners, raunchy romps, and expensive presents over that life, any day!
2. Mate poaching/mate copying
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Mate poaching/mate copying is a robust phenomenon and denotes attraction to a man who is taken simply because they’ve already cleared the screening process of another woman and been adjudged worthy of their affection/companionship. This ‘stamp of approval,’ in turn, works for other women as a definitive indication of the man’s worthiness, thereby making him more attractive and desirable.
3. The thrill of the forbidden
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From Eve to the women who still want to take several juicy bites of the ‘fruit’ forbidden to them, this one needs no explanation. The unadulterated tipple of an ‘adulterous’ engagement can be addictive. The need to be secretive, sneak around undiscovered, grabbing quick sexual encounters on the fly, can be a huge turn on in comparison to a dinner date with a single man who calls on Wednesday night for Friday’s date. There’s simply something about doing something you aren’t supposed to do that sends the adrenaline shooting right through the roof!
4. Validation
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Many women tend to seek out men in relationships (committed/married) simply because it bolsters their low self-esteem to achieve the seemingly impossible task of having what they aren’t allowed to have. Of course, the root cause is deep-seated insecurity, the myriad doubts about self that she is ridden with, and a highly diminished level of self-esteem. In such a case, the validation that comes from seducing a man who is taken acts as a huge ego trip for the woman.
Suggested read: I found out my husband cheated on me… but I stayed
5. The challenge of seduction
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Ever been high on the dope of challenges? For many women, a glistening engagement band or an extremely happy girlfriend on the arm can be a cue to ‘she’s got you, alright, but I can have you’ challenge. While these women might know they are treading precarious ground, the thrill of winning their own self-imposed challenge, disarming the ‘taken’ man with a charming smile, giving him the sly eye, and being dressed to impress, so as to win the ‘forbidden’ man over and outdo the wife-at-home or girlfriend by his side, is a high like none other.
6. Wanting ‘the package’
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While most women are put off by the cad-like behavior of single, inexperienced men, women drawn toward men in relationships tend to advance the same as justification for their attraction. The emotional maturity, the singular treatment, the financial stability, the professional security, and all the conventional trappings of ‘the package’ that makes for a ‘perfect partner’ allure them, especially so when the same is divorced from any sense of responsibility or accountability!
7. Cushioning the blow of rejection
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Many insecure women with critically low self-esteem would much rather delude themselves with a ‘he’s taken, or else he’d be into me’ refrain than deal with the bitter sting of rejection. And since this refrain reserves its place in the book as a legit reason for being ‘rejected’ without having to do with anything ‘about her’ that brought on the blow, it helps. Howsoever misguided, but anyway!
Suggested read: The complete list of all types of infidelity
8. Playing out fantasies
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Fantasies hold the key to the attraction between a single woman and a taken man. The woman fantasizes about her role as the ‘femme fatale’ who can make the ‘attached man’ do as she bids while the man may transgress and wish to play out the fantasies that his (perhaps) stale and fizzling sex life with his long term partner has been stripped of. The illicit and forbidden aspect make sparks fly left, right, and center, and the actualization of the fantasy becomes all the more exciting.
9. Fear of commitment
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Some women latch on to men in relationships owing to their own intrinsic fear of commitment. Since the man has already bitten into her bait and cheated on his own partner but is sure as hell not going to dole out a big, fat sum in alimony, be separated from his children (if any), or part ways with someone he has invested time and effort in, these women have nothing to fear on the ‘label’ front whatsoever. There is no question of having the dreaded ‘where is this going’ talk or being scared about him popping the big one with an even bigger sparkling rock in hand!
10. A desire to win the race
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Ever heard women are the worst enemies to women? Well, as much as it hurts me to say this, it’s true. Some women may be goaded to one-up the woman whose husband cannot stop singing praises about her. Or there might be others who may go green with envy about why someone with ‘inferior-quality goods’ than her has happened to bag such a ‘catch.’ The desirability of the man in the equation may or may not come into play in such a scenario, but the whistle has gone off and the race is on! And these women are out to win the trophy!
Suggested read: 9 stunning scientific reasons why good men cheat
As sad as the whole situation might be, it is real! Dangerously real!
All I can say to women who are possibly sizing up a guy with a diamond studded band on his ring finger or a girl who calls him his own is – STOP THE MADNESS!
Featured image source: Dollarphotoclub
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