A lot of research and effort goes into discovering why relationships fail between two people that are seemingly in love. In fact, there are some people who are afraid of getting into relationships in the first place. You may wonder why, considering that falling in love is one of the most exciting things you can do. The reason people have a lot of trouble finding the right partner for themselves is because they are, at the end of the day, afraid of love.
There is nothing wrong with being relationship-phobic, and there are actually several deep-rooted psychological reasons why people tend to avoid anything to do with love and relationships. Moreover, most research has found that most of these reasons are defensive. People who are afraid to love are like that not because they think that love is some obnoxious, repulsive, unnecessary emotion, but because they are afraid to love too much and get hurt in the process.
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Beyond this, we have compiled a list of other profound reasons why some of us are afraid to indulge in the feeling of love. Read on to learn more!
1. New relationships may bring back memories of the past
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Sometimes, people tend to understate the impact that the past has on our lives. Whether it is a disturbed childhood or failed relationships or some other bad past experiences, romantically or otherwise, it tends to mold the way that we see things in the future. A lot of people feel wary about falling in love because they are afraid it is going to trigger all of their old, repressed memories. Then, the process of “getting over it” and “moving on” will have to start all over again. This is probably one of the most potent reasons why people are afraid to love again.
2. Sometimes extreme emotions can be frightening
Falling in love entails a rollercoaster of emotions, which is a part and parcel of the feeling in general. However, some people are not comfortable with such a vast range on the emotional spectrum and are afraid to willingly dive into it. The thought of having to fight and then make up and then feel unsurpassable joy is understandably a frightening thought, and it may be the reason why some of us are afraid of falling in love. When you are actually in a relationship, though, you understand that it is not actually as scary as it sounds. The emotional high can actually be a positive and dynamic influence in your life.
3. Falling in love involves a lot of risk
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There is no denying the fact that falling in love entails a lot of risk. For those who like to proceed cautiously when it comes to matters of the heart, the thought of all the risks that you take may weigh down on your decisions. When you are in a relationship with another person, you change as a person yourself. You start to imbibe their habits, talk like them, and do things that you would never have thought of doing otherwise. Sometimes, coming to terms with the fact that a relationship can change you to such a large extent can be frightening, simply because of the impending identity crisis that you think you might have to face. People have an inherent fear of the unknown, and the same kind of fear manifests itself here, making you relationship-phobic.
4. Fear of social disapproval
Even before you get into a relationship with a person, you start thinking about what your friends or your family might think about them. The potential isolation from your friends and family can be a very depressing thought. These fears may sound farfetched, but they are very real and may lead you to fear the concept of love itself. The opinion of our friends and family is very important, but oftentimes it gains precedence over our personal decisions, which may make us afraid of love.
5. Falling in love can give rise to an existential crisis
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This is a positive fear that you may harbor, which prevents you from falling in love or getting too serious with another individual. Even people who are in love experience feelings like this. What will happen to the person you love when you die, and how will you survive if something happens to them, or if the two of you have to separate for some reason? People who are afraid to love feel that it is better to stay away from it altogether, in order to avoid complicated existential questions such as these.
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6. The daunting thought of being responsible for another individual
A lot of people are afraid of responsibility, which inevitably leads to a fear of commitment. It doesn’t matter which stage of life you are in; when you get into a relationship or fall in love, you automatically start feeling a sense of responsibility towards the other person. This is the kind of responsibility that some people are afraid of because it implies growing up and becoming slightly more serious about the things you do and the person that you do them for. People may also think of this as a method of tying themselves down and compromising on the fun and frivolity they could have afforded had they not been committed to another individual.
7. Self-esteem issues may repel love and relationships
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One of the most common reasons why people are afraid to fall in love is the thought that they don’t deserve to be loved. Even when someone expresses explicitly that they like you, you might think that they are either making fun of you or they are delusional. A lot of people suffer from an inferiority complex, and they believe very strongly that they are, for some reason or the other, not worthy enough to receive love and affection from other people. Hence, when they do, they are unable to believe it and they run in the opposite direction. Self-esteem issues can be a driving force in repelling all opportunities for love and affection.
8. A relationship is not always equal and smooth
When you are afraid of your relationship failing and the things that you have to go through afterwards, you immediately become wary of becoming involved in the process at all. Not every relationship is a cake-walk. One of the most common reasons why relationships fail is because either one partner is more dominating than the other, or there is latent inequality in the relationship. Another reason why people may be afraid of love is because of the fights that couples have and the complications that inevitably arise due to their association. Such fears are not baseless, but they can be detrimental in forming one’s opinion about love.
9. The fear of being so vulnerable and defenceless in front of another individual
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One of the characteristics of any healthy relationship is that you completely let your guard down in front of another person. This means that they know you in the most intimate way possible, and there are no secrets between the two of you. This leaves you quite vulnerable and exposed to judgment and other things. Sometimes people are afraid that letting another person know so much about them can be dangerous because they will be able to take advantage of their weaknesses and hurt them. It is, however, important to note that when you really find the person meant for you, they would never imagine doing anything of the sort.
10. Lack of practical examples of successful relationships
This is one of those reasons why people who are afraid to love are afraid to admit. It is true that there are plenty of couples who are happy and in love and are sure to grow old together. However, the fact that a lot of couples around us break up and a lot of seemingly happy marriages end in divorce is also a sad reality. Not seeing enough examples of successful relationships around us can also make you relationship-phobic because you cannot imagine the consequences and the pain if your relationship, too, meets a sad end.
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There are several valid reasons why a lot of people are afraid to fall in love. Although each of the above reasons is justified in their own right, it is also important to understand that if you try to let go of your fears, finding someone who will help you get rid of them will become increasingly easier. Most of the reasons that have been described exist because people are afraid of the consequences of a failed relationship or lost love. However, holding on to an imaginary future is not something that is going to help your cause of finding love. If you don’t let go of your fears, you might miss out on some real opportunity for happiness.
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
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