Not all relationships are meant to last. There can be many reasons why leaving someone you love becomes absolutely necessary and there is no way out of it. But as difficult as it is to say goodbye to a loved one, and to walk away from the relationship – it is not always the right decision. There are so many relationships that are going well, but one of the two people gives up at the wrong time, ruining it all for both of them.
When you decide to leave someone you love and pull the plug on the relationship, you really need to ask yourself a few questions just to ensure that you are not being hasty and throwing away a great relationship.
Suggested read: 10 common doubts that will plague you when you want to call it quits
Here is a list of questions for you to consider:
1. “Why am I leaving?”
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Many times, there are people who want to leave the relationship because it is going to turn into a long distance affair, or it could just be a simple fight that escalated. Well, you really need to ask yourself if the reason in your head is worth leaving the one you love. You might be able to get over the reason – but are you going to be able to get over the person soon?
Whichever one seems easier to let go of is the one you need to leave. If you think that it can cool off and everything can become normal again, stay in the relationship and work things out.
2. “What effect is this breakup going to have on me?”
Not everyone deals very well with breakups. Self-pity, self-blame, and much worse can happen to people when dealing with a breakup. If you are considering leaving someone you love, you should understand what it is going to do to you. If you think that it is going to hurt, (it is obviously going to hurt!) but you will feel better in some time and are going to have a better life than you did when you were in the relationship – you should go ahead and do it.
It is never a good decision to regret something for a long time. There are always going to be short-term phases of sadness as part of any breakup. All you need to do is to understand what you are getting yourself into.
3. “Am I getting what I want from this relationship?”
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We all have different expectations from the relationships that we get into. You can be in it for the long haul, or you can be in it for a while and you know that you are going to end it soon. It is important that you and your partner are on the same page. If you are not, then you need to have an open conversation about your expectations from the relationship and then decide where to go from there.
4. “Are they the cause of my happiness?”
Amidst all the hectic schedules and the issues that the world throws at you – is your partner the person who is making you happy and ensuring that you love life the way it is? Or are they making it worse somehow? The point of being in a relationship is to be happier than you already are. Of course, there are going to be problems and fights. But ultimately, it is supposed to be a source of happiness.
If it is not, and the opposite seems to be the state of your life because of your partner, then you really need to rethink the relationship. You either need to turn things around for yourself within the relationship, or end it altogether.
5. “How close am I to the person that I used to be before this relationship?”
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No matter how hard it is to admit, everyone changes a little bit when they get into a relationship. It could be as small as minor adjustments in their schedules or simply the fact that they have been introduced to new things and hobbies; or they might change as people completely. But you have developed an identity before you got into this relationship and you really need to keep that with you.
If you have changed way too much just because of the relationship that you have gotten into, it is a good idea to reconsider the relationship completely.
Suggested read: 12 sad signs of a failing relationship
6. “Am I making assumptions and jumping to conclusions?”
It could be a fight, or it could just be something you have discovered about your partner. Leaving someone you love is one of the hardest decisions you can make. So, hold your horses there! Think about how you should be reacting. Maybe you are basing a breakup on some assumption that you have made. Maybe your reasons do not even exist, or you are just overthinking something your partner said.
Talk to your partner. Try to sort it out and also understand what they are thinking. If you make a hasty decision about the breakup without fully thinking it through, you will probably regret it down the road.
7. “Do I love them right now, or am I hoping that they will turn into someone I can love?”
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Well, many times we don’t fall in love with a person, but it is the person that they could be. It is very normal to pin hopes on someone and think that it will all work out for the better when you are dating and you will be able to change them. You might go to great lengths to change their habits, their perceptions, or anything else. But you need to understand that it is not your job to do so and expecting them to change is not the best idea either.
If you are in a relationship like that, it is best to reevaluate. Sometimes it works out, but there is a strong chance that it won’t.
8. “Are both of us giving the relationship enough?”
A relationship needs time, space, and commitment. There is a lot of effort that goes into it. Both of you need to ensure that you have what it takes to be in a relationship with each other. It is different for different people. You two need to understand your compatibility and your expectations from each other.
If either of you is not in the position to or is not really willing to give the relationship what it takes, then you really need to reconsider the relationship altogether, even if it is with the one you love.
9. “Am I in this relationship just because I am scared of being alone?”
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Many relationships go on for a long period of time and then end because there is a fear of being alone at the end of it. But if that fear is making you stay in the relationship – you need to leave now! You love your partner, yes, but you should be with them because you genuinely want to. Not because you don’t want to be alone.
There is no thinking about it beyond this. Just take the leap and break up. Life will fall into place eventually.
Suggested read: 20 sad signs you’re in a one-sided relationship
10. “Are we trying too hard to keep it together?”
Sometimes, it is not one person’s fault that the relationship ends. It is just because people want different things, and even when both people try to work things out, they are not able to keep it together. If you think that the both of you are putting in a lot of effort, but are still unhappy in the relationship, then you should consider cutting the chord.
Relationships are meant to be effortless and easy for the people who are in it. If yours is proving to be an everyday struggle, then you need to get out of it.
Leaving someone you love is not simple. It will cause pain, hurt, and will also make you regret the decision no matter how right you are. But sometimes, it is just the best thing to do. Before you decide to leave someone you love, you really need to think the entire decision through and ensure that you are making the best choice for yourself and your partner.
It is very difficult to come by a relationship that is perfect for you and your life. But when you actually do come across something like that, ensure that you value it and don’t let the small things along the way bring you down.
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
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