One could probably live with poverty than a cheating partner. They are the worst, because, they ruin the very essence on what a relationship is built – trust. Perhaps it’s easier to forgive a murderer than a cheater.
You see, a cheater robs you of trust, morale, and respect. These things cannot be compensated and come down heavily on the relationship. So, what can a cheating partner expect? Separation. Divorce. Hate. Contempt. The list of words can go on. But before you take the final call on what you want to do with your cheater, it’s important to get some closure. Get answers to a few questions. That way, you know you are making an informed decision; maybe that will clear things out and bring you back together. This time, much closer. Although that’s quite rare, it’s known to happen.
Suggested read: I was turned into a cheater without my consent
Once the act of adultery is committed, expect no sympathy!
Nevertheless, it could be your chance to find closure that will also help you heal and move on from the one who cheated on you.
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To arrive at a final decision is hard not to mention confusing. There are so many things to consider – the good things in your relationship, the memories you made, the way you thought that you two were meant to be, the way they made you feel, the love that you shared, the affection you had for each other – all wiped out with this one act of infidelity. Memories are all that’s left of the relationship you had. It’s tougher than you think, especially when you were in love or have known the person for a long time. Therefore, you have to ask your some questions, clear your head for your own satisfaction, and only then take that final step.
Here are 10 questions to ask before breaking up with your cheating partner:
1. When did it happen?
Not that you need this information for kicks, but you need to know of that moment of weakness. Did it happen when you were out of town? Was it because your partner felt lonely and was missing you? Did it happen recently? Or was it a long time ago? Did it happen when you two were fighting about something? Or was it a spur of the moment thing? Or a planned one? Getting answers to these questions from your cheating partner will temporarily fill that little empty space in your mind with reasons and answers. They may not be useful to you, but at least you know exactly when it happened.
2. Will it be repeated?
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Gosh! We’d say you need to kick the one who cheated on you where it hurts – hard. But if you are considering reconciliation, and have to stay together for unknown reasons, you may want to get some sort of reassurance that this wouldn’t be repeated. However, in our humble opinion – once a cheater, always a cheater. That said, you’ll know how much truth the other person is saying when you ask them this question point blank.
3. Was there a confession?
Something to ask yourself – how did you find out about them cheating on you? Was it a confession or did you confront them with evidence? Not that either of them is a better option, but at least when they confess, you know they are feeling guilty and are attempting to make things better in their own way. We cannot ascertain their exact feelings when they confess, but what the heck. They came forward and put themselves on the line. However, in a confrontation, the partner has been shamelessly going about their business without a care in the world about your feelings. Maybe sometimes doing it openly and carelessly, thus giving you an opportunity to confront them. That’s worse; it is disrespecting you as a partner, and all the promises they made to you.
4. Was it merely physical?
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We’ve seen and heard this in movies. People cheat on their partners and say it was just physical, that there wasn’t any emotional attachment, considering the latter to be of more importance to a relationship. Maybe it was a brief moment of weakness, a mere temptation, a slip of the mind (not sure if this is justifiable!), a lapse in judgment, and that the whole cheating thing happened without any feelings attached to it. But who can say for sure? If, as a couple, you both had decided that physical intimacy is as important as an emotional connection, then you’re doomed. There is no forgiving that kind of betrayal.
Suggested read: Is flirting cheating when you’re in a relationship?
5. How many times did it happen?
You’d think it doesn’t matter, and that once you make a mistake it’s all over. However, you could make a mistake once. Just once. But if you’ve repeated it, then your partner has intentionally tried to hurt you. They were fully conscious when they did it because it can be a lapse in judgment if it happened once, not over and over again. So, maybe they don’t deserve forgiveness.
6. Was it with someone you knew closely?
We’d hate for this to happen. Cheating with your friend, a relative or a colleague. That sucks. Big time! Your cheating partner has no respect left for you, if they have cheated on you with someone you know well. It’s time you dump them to stew in their mess and move on.
7. Was it with someone of the same sex?
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You probably have a bigger issue than you think if your partner had an homosexual affair. Well, there’s no one to blame here and it’s best that you both mutually let the other person live their life. Sometimes the pressures of our society don’t let us live the we want to, forcing us into molds that don’t exactly fit us. So maybe that’s why your partner was with you in the first place – despite having homosexual feelings throughout. We don’t think it’s right for you to blame them. It’s best to let them go, peacefully.
8. Do you see signs of remorse?
It’s not wrong on your part to expect some sort of remorse from your partner who cheated on you. Infidelity is bad as it is, and there has been too much damage done already. So it’s alright if your partner is showing signs of guilt, remorse, and being extremely apologetic. You deserve this. However, if they are defiant, not ready to take responsibility for their actions, or even placing the blame solely at your feet by making you feel as if you pushed them to it, then they just don’t deserve another chance.
9. Did you have something special before?
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One of the few things that cause infidelity amongst couples is the weak relationship they share. That causes them to wander and explore elsewhere. If your relationship hasn’t been rock solid from the start, has left you feeling as if your needs aren’t being met despite trying to fix them, chances are that one of you will default or fall apart. A lot of couples drift away from each other over time. Something that brought them together could ultimately move them apart. So if you did have something special before your partner cheated on you, we suggest you move on without even thinking twice.
Suggested read: 15 sad signs your man is cheating on you
10. Will the relationship ever be the same?
The honest and blunt answer is NO. It will never be the same because knowing that your partner got physically or emotionally intimate with someone else is devastating and will tear you apart. How can things ever be normal again? And if you are still expecting it to be, then you’re mistaken. No amount of holy water will wash away this one mistake. You will live and die with it. So, no, your relationship will never be the same anymore, even if you both want to give it a second lease of life.
So, whatever the reasons of cheating ask these questions to your partner who cheated on you. The answers they provide will help you make a better choice and make you believe that you are doing the right thing. It may take a while for everything to sink in, to pick up the pieces and build a new life, but slowly yet surely, you will get stronger. You will learn to live without them, and hopefully you will find love too.
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
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