Deciding to move in together with your partner is one of the most crucial decisions that two people take as a couple. In fact, it is another way of taking your relationship to the next level. Living together before marriage is very important because you get to know each other on a very personal level, but it also comes with its own set of problems. As a couple, this is the first time that you will be spending an inordinate amount of time with each other, which means that you will also have to face new challenges and problems.
Sometimes we even see that couples who were very happy and stable (because of which they decided to move in together) break up after they have actually started living with each other. Although living with your partner may sound like a dream, you also have to be equipped with the knowledge of all the potential problems that may come your way, so that you are able to combat it as a unit, and not let your relationship disintegrate because of it.
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Here are 10 common problems that couples living together face.
1. Taking away of your freedom
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This is a highly potent problem that couples living together have to deal with. When you move in with another individual, you have to come to terms with the fact that you do not have as much freedom as you used to. A common sentiment felt by couples after moving in together is a check in their movements and decisions, making them feel as if their life was not their own anymore, especially when contrasted with their lifestyle before they decided to move in together. You might even feel accountable to your partner, and find yourself telling them, or wanting to know each other’s activities and whereabouts at all times, whether you want it or not.
2. Disagreements about random things
When two people live together, they spend most of their time in each other’s company. Patience and tolerance are not on top of the list when it comes to modulating your behavior towards your partner. Therefore, during their cohabitation before marriage, couples might find themselves fighting over the most random things, which wouldn’t even have been an issue, had they been living their separate lives, in separate locations. Things like leaving wet towels lying around, or a bad dinner, or a cancellation of a TV show might spark off a huge argument, mainly because of the fact that you are constantly in each other’s company, and not particularly because of the issue itself.
3. Infuriating habits and trying to adjust to them
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A lot of people encourage living together before marriage because it is said that you never really know a person completely unless you live with them on a day to day basis. However, knowing a person includes knowing everything about them, including some of their disgusting habits which you were blissfully unaware of when you two lived apart. Whether it is leaving the toilet seat up, or clogging the sink with hair balls or leaving clothes lying about or the like, there are some incorrigible habits which might become a source of a lot of problems when you have to live with your partner and all their eccentricities.
4. Realizing your real role in the relationship
You might think that you will live happily and share responsibilities equally when you move in together, but that is usually not the case. Once couples start living together before marriage, you realize that by means of certain unsaid rules, you are assigned particular roles. When you realize that you become the person who does the laundry by default, or pays the bills by default, without any set rules or division of labor, resentment grows inevitably.
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5. The stress and strains of future planning
The question of your future is a very problematic thing to deal with, especially after you have just started living together. Moving in together is a very big step in your relationship as it is. However, your friends and your family are not likely to be very satisfied with this decision only. Every time you visit them, they will look at you with eyes full of hope, as if asking when the engagement is coming. This might put a lot of pressure on you as a couple, leading to uncertainty and arguments.
6. Getting used to your partner being there
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This is possibly the most pragmatic problem that couples who live in together have to deal with. When you are constantly used to being around each other, the excitement might just drain out of your relationship. You don’t feel the same butterflies in your tummy before a date, you don’t feel the need to dress up and look nice for them, there is no anticipation, no tension, nothing really. All this is usually replaced with responsibilities and other adult things which are nice, but sometimes, you just miss the juvenile quality that your relationship had had.
7. Not having a life of your own
Just like you have to sacrifice a major part of your individual freedom when you start living with another person, similarly, you also have to start living more as a couple unit, rather than your own person. Everything you do, everywhere you go, you will feel as if you come in pairs. This might lead to the feeling that you don’t have a life of your own, which also might lead to some amount of resentment. In fact, some people even get irritated enough to say that their partners are meddling in their lives and not allowing them to bloom as individuals. As a couple, you have open access to everything that your partner owns, starting from their financial records to their underwear drawers to their bath products.
8. Realizing that you have different tastes
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Couples who live in together before marriage, are in reality, as good as married. There is just no legal paperwork to claim that you are husband and wife. However, you do everything that most married couples do. You share things, you live together in the same house, you pick out furniture and cutlery together, you take care of your establishment together, and you plan for the future, keeping each other in mind. One problem that you might have to deal with, is coming to terms with the fact that both of you have different tastes, and in order to live in harmony, you have to compromise and learn to accommodate, even though you think that your partner has crappy taste. This is not limited to picking out curtains and upholstery. It also includes making important decisions, where you may disagree, but ultimately, you have to come to a mutual agreement and compromise, which might become difficult at times.
9. Sacrificing your me-time
This is another aspect of the fact that you lose your freedom and your individuality to some extent when you live in with the person you love. Sometimes, couples are even found to be wondering whether they have completely lost themselves as people, because they are constantly with someone, and accountable to someone and responsible for someone, leaving very little time for themselves. This is a very claustrophobic and restrictive feeling, which has to be dissolved by setting aside time to take care of themselves as individuals and spend time alone.
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10. Settling your finances as a couple
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The matter of money is a crucial question which has to be addressed once two people move in with each other. However, unfortunately, most of the time, couples do not speak about it, and then the bills, income and expenditure of the house that they share, and the common items that they buy, become a huge problem that has to be dealt with. Oftentimes, it is seen that one of the partners in the relationship ends up spending too much, while the other one spends very little, compared to their respective incomes. To ensure equal investment of money and equal percentage of expenditure according to the income of the two people in the relationship, things need to be sorted out explicitly, before they actually move in together. It is a potent source of conflict, nonetheless.
Even though couples move in together because they love each other and they would want to experience how living together before marriage would feel like and then possibly plan for a more permanent future, there is no denying the fact that two people come from very different backgrounds, and when they are asked to live together, conflicts occur.
However, it is resolving these issues pragmatically which tests the relationship of the two people involved, and once they are able to overcome these initial hurdles of living together under the same roof, they realize that a secure future together isn’t so hard to accomplish, after all.
Featured image source: Flickr
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