Choosing a life partner for yourself is one of the biggest decisions you will ever have to make, and most of us screw this one up pretty badly by falling in love with the wrong person at least once in our lifetime. Making this decision is much less complicated when you’re aware of what you need from your life partner and you are clear about who you are as a person.
For most people, the process of choosing a life partner becomes difficult because they’re not sure about what they’re looking for. They’re not even sure of themselves as an individual. Understanding and accepting yourself is very important when looking for a partner.
Choose a life partner who is perfect for you, who understands you and what you need, and is willing to give you that.
Suggested read: Why the possibility of finding the perfect partner is remote…
You’re often so blind when you have your eyes on the prize that you don’t look out for yourself and end up making these mistakes when it comes to choosing a life partner.
1. Not giving enough importance to yourself
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Just because they don’t see your worth and treat you badly doesn’t mean you’re reduced to what they believe about you. You know yourself more than anybody does and you know what you’re worth. You like certain aspects of yourself and there are some things you’d like to work on to be the best person you can be. You should realize that you’re the only constant in your life. How you think, how you feel, and how you cope when things get rough are the things which matter and which will keep you going in the long run. Start giving yourself the time and importance that you deserve, whether the person you’re thinking of settling down with gives you that or not.
2. Being with someone who manipulates you
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When you respect and love somebody, you don’t manipulate them. You treat them with dignity, love, and care. Choosing to be with someone who manipulates you is not emotionally healthy. Most manipulators will blame you for being manipulated and trick you into feeling guilty. Don’t let them! Some people manipulate others so slyly that you won’t even take notice at first. Be smart and don’t be manipulated by anyone, let alone somebody you decided to spend the rest of your life with. No relationship is worth it if you need to give up your self-respect and self-esteem for it. Your life partner should help you grow and not pull you down by mistreating you.
3. Being with someone because the sex is so great
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The sex is great between you two, we get it! But don’t make this the main reason you are choosing to spend the rest of your life with your current partner. You should be thinking about their other traits as well. Ask yourself if your personalities are compatible, and if you are truly in love with each other because sexual chemistry isn’t always going to remain constant. If you want a relationship to last, it has to be based on reality and deep emotions. They might give you a mind-blowing orgasm at the moment, but if the rest of the qualities in this person aren’t what you’re looking for in a life partner, then why are you even contemplating building a future together? Are they going to be there for you tomorrow when you’re in a bad shape? Sex is a very important part of a relationship and it’s understood if you don’t want to compromise in that aspect. While it’s very important to have a sizzling chemistry with your life partner, you shouldn’t overlook the rest of this person’s traits, their nature, and their feelings towards you.
4. Settling too soon
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You don’t jump into muddy water without inspection because you are not aware of what will be there below the surface. Likewise, you shouldn’t jump into making lifelong commitments without really getting to know your partner. You may like what you have seen of them so far, but there’s so much more to a person that is only understood after a long time. Relationships take time to blossom to their fullest because two people need to understand everything about each other, accept everything about the other, and learn the things they like and dislike. It doesn’t happen overnight. You don’t have to agree with everything they do and say, or change your beliefs for them. But knowledge, understanding, and acceptance only come with time. So be patient and don’t make the leap without looking.
5. Settling because you think you won’t find anyone better
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You don’t choose your family, but you do choose your friends and the people you date. The best friendships and relationships don’t happen out of convenience, they happen because of a special connection that exists between the people involved. Don’t settle because you think you won’t find better. People who have recently gone through a breakup tend to settle down with the first person that happens to like them because they’re afraid that they won’t find anyone better. Know your worth and be with someone who knows how unique and special you are, and who appreciates your qualities! Spending a lifetime with someone is a big decision, so don’t be so careless about it.
Suggested read: 10 simple things that men want in a relationship
6. Settling down because society says so
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A lot of people feel pressured to settle down with one person by a certain age. You have to live with your choices, not your mother, not your relatives, and definitely not society. Please don’t settle on somebody who you’re not sure about simply because you feel like it’s the right thing to do. Be with somebody when there’s love involved, not societal pressure – relationships don’t last on that. Make sure you’re in the right place emotionally before deciding to settle down, otherwise it could end badly.
7. Being with someone who can’t get over themselves
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How many times have you seen other people in relationships where their partner can’t stop talking about themselves? You wondered what your friend was still doing with a person like that, didn’t you? It’s easier to notice these things when they happen to other people. Before you choose your life partner, make sure you’re not with somebody who only has their own best interests at heart. A lot of people are extremely self-absorbed and selfish. They might not necessarily be bad people, they’re just not somebody you would want to spend the rest of your life with. Every relationship works on give and take, not when one person keeps giving and the other keeps receiving. If the person is so involved in their own life, how will they give you the time you require and very much deserve?
8. Being with someone solely because they are good looking and/or extremely rich
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It’s important to consider how much money they make, because you’ve got to admit that you’re not lasting a day in the world without a stable income from both your ends. But choosing a life partner solely because they are doing exceptionally well financially says a lot about what you’re after. Money and good looks may not last forever. Will you look at them the same way when they are old and not pretty? Your relationship isn’t going to survive only on a good bank balance and your physical appearance. Look beyond the superficialities and figure out your priorities before you start looking for the perfect partner.
9. Expecting that they will change over a period of time
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It’s unfair to expect somebody to change their views and how they go about with things because you don’t approve. Even if it’s a small habit you don’t like or the clothes they wear, don’t choose to be with someone that you feel like you constantly need to change. Isn’t love a lot about acceptance? You may not like the things they do, but you should still accept everything about them before you choose to settle down with them. If that’s impossible for you, then you’ve got your answer. Don’t be with them with the aim of changing anything about them at a later time. It’s just unfair and not realistic!
10. Ignoring how their family treats you
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Does their family like you? Are they happy about the fact that you’re going to be a part of their family too? While this may not seem like a big deal when you first start dating, you should definitely consider this if you are thinking about settling down with this person, especially if there are any signs of trouble. In a culture where the woman lives with her partner and his family, this can cause a lot of havoc. So clarify this with your partner and their family before you decide to take it any further. No matter how much support you have from your partner, it’s always nice to live in a friendly environment where it feels like home!
Suggested read: 12 definite signs you’re in a relationship with a REAL man
Like most people, you too are wondering about how to choose a life partner. The thought of how big this decision is may seem scary, but understand that you’re responsible for your own choices and only you are in charge of your own happiness. Choose what’s right for you. Don’t get blinded by love, make it your strength and rise in it.
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
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