Every relationship has that golden honeymoon phase when you and your partner are essentially on cloud nine, with the conviction that nothing could ever go wrong. That you both will always be in love with each other, with the same fervor that you do now. That you both can weather any storm that has the audacity to come your way. That you both are meant for each other, and are stronger for it.
However, just such a conviction isn’t quite enough to make a relationship work and stand the test of time. Once the honeymoon phase ends, the inevitability of real life waking you up, quire harshly too, could be a jolt to your system, if you’re not prepared for it.
Suggested read: 12 amazing tips on how to make your relationship fun and exciting
Here are a few essential tenets on how to make a relationship better, after the honeymoon phase is over and done with.
1. Don’t let your mood affect your words
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
When your mood is affected, you tend to affect your words too. You may be angry at the random driver who cut you off, or that colleague who has been scheming behind your back to get you in trouble. But, these don’t give you the license to go off the handle with your partner. Just because you’re feeling crappy, doesn’t mean it gives you the right to make your partner feel crappy too. Granted that it’s not easy to not be irritated and/or vexed when you’ve had a really bad day, but you need to practice not to make your partner suffer right along with you. Leave you bad temper, all the negative feelings of that day behind at the door, and focus on the important things and work on them.
2. Don’t underestimate the power of seeing the lighter side of things
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
Not everybody has a sense of humor, and not everybody has the knack to appreciate the lighter, sillier things in life. Very rarely do we find happiness in life, so grab every moment you can get with both hands. And if you have to be silly to create such moments, then so be it. Whether it’s indulging in a pillow fight with your partner or tickling them till you roll around on the carpet in the drawing room, indulge yourselves and be happy. Also, a tension-filled situation is a great time to crack a lame joke. Nothing diffuses such a tense situation than a lame joke, trust me. Indeed, laughter sure is the best medicine. So have as much fun with your partner as you can.
3. Never play the blame game
It’s easy to pin the blame on your partner and wriggle out of the mess. But arguing over the most trivial of issues and playing the blame game will only allow resentment to fester. It’s really not worth the effort, in the long run. You and your partner are a team that have agreed to love and respect and support each other through thick and thin. Take responsibility for your actions and never allow the blame games to come between you two. Kill the resentment before it has a chance to hook its tentacles into your relationship and eventually squeezes the life out of it.
4. See the best in your partner
In the initial stages of your relationship, you just can’t seem to find anything wrong with your partner. It’s almost as if they can walk on water, do no wrong, and harm no one. However, once you’ve thrown away the rose-tinted glasses from your eyes, you’ll start to notice that they are indeed not flawless, and that they have their own set of idiosyncrasies and quirks, that may end up annoying you. While it’s easy to focus on the negatives all the time, try and see the best in them. Recognize and remind yourself of all those qualities that made you fall in love with them in the first place.
5. Spend quality time with other
Image source: Shutterstock
Whether you do this by setting aside a specific date night every week, or by surprising them once in a while, quite regularly, spend quality time with other – just the two of you. No distractions, no gadgets, no cribbing – just the two of you, spending time with other, talking and sharing and communicating. Agreed that you both have busy schedules, but if you want to know how to make a relationship better, then you must take time out for your partner. This time set aside needs to focus on your relationship and where each of you is at, in terms of the relationship. If you have kids, don’t use them as an excuse to not spend time with your partner. If you really want to spend time with your partner, you can and will make time and make it happen.
Suggested read: 11 simple tips on how to show appreciation to your partner
6. Always be faithful to your partner
Being faithless to your partner is just not done at all. Infidelity, cheating, being unfaithful – whatever you want to call it – is NEVER justified. Don’t ever cross that line and cheat on your partner. Not only do you shatter the trust your partner has placed in you, you’ll also be disrespecting your partner, if you cheat on them. Your partner should always take precedence over everyone else. Once you’ve let yourself cross that line, it’s very hard to come back from it. Guilt, anger, hurt, and embarrassment replace trust, love, fidelity, and respect. Why would you want to do that to your partner? What have they done to deserve such poor treatment from you? Don’t hurt them by your selfishness; resist temptation, always. This applies to emotional infidelity as well as physical infidelity.
7. Resolve conflicts the right way
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
There is several conflicting advice when it comes to resolving arguments in a relationship. Some say that a couple should never go to bed angry and that they need to resolve it then and there. Some others say that when it seems like an argument is getting out of hand, you need to walk away and calm down first. That you need to revisit the argument with a cool head, even if it means rehashing it at a later date. However, what style works for you, may not work for another couple.
If you think giving the argument a bit of space and time would help, then sleep on it. If you think sorting it out then and there gives you peace of mind, then do that. However, there might a problem when one of each is in the same relationship. But it isn’t as difficult as it seems to resolve this dilemma. Someone has to be the bigger person and let the other win. Compromise and sacrifice are like the backbone of any relationship. If compromise means swallowing your pride, then so be it. That just goes to show that you place more importance on your relationship rather than on your pride.
Conflict resolution in a relationship might seem like an insurmountable thing, but it really isn’t. What you need to keep in mind is that there are no winners or losers. Both of you have equal stake in the relationship. Also, the relationship is bigger than the two of you individually.
8. Never let money come between you two
Money is a necessity in life, and it’s also the root of all evil. If you want to know how to make a relationship better, then never argue over money. Choose calm, rational discussions to yelling and shouting matches – any day, and twice on Sundays! Financial troubles are something you both need to tackle as a team. Involve your partner in big financial decisions. Discuss your respective fears and hurdles and goals with regards to money for the future. Agree to a budget that the both of you can live with, and stick to it, come hell or high water. Financial discipline is really important for the happiness of a relationship.
9. Work towards the same goals
Image source: Shutterstock
When you’re in a relationship, you’ve agreed to work towards the same future that the both of you have envisioned. You both need to be looking in the same direction, if you want to make your relationship a success. However, having different goals of where you want yourself to end up, then it’s going to be very difficult to make it work. This just becomes fertile ground for resentment and bitterness to fester.
You may have different career goals than your partner, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have the same future. By supporting your individual goals, you can work towards your common goals, especially when if they’re long term ones. While you both grow up individually, you grow up as a couple too.
10. Choose to be happy
Image source: Shutterstock
Happiness, much to people’s bewilderment, is a choice. You consciously choose to be happy or sad, every single day. It’s in your hands to make yourself happy by being thankful for all the things you have in your life, rather than being too focused in things you don’t have (and frankly don’t even need all that much). Never compare your partner or your relationship with someone else’s. It simply isn’t fair or in good taste. You need to choose to be happy each and every day by valuing your partner’s presence in your life. Make the conscious effort and choice to be happy with your partner.
When it comes to relationships, there are no guarantees whatsoever. It’s all in the way you navigate and carve out a path for your relationship. When the bond you share with your partner is strong enough, it will withstand the unmerciful ravages of time and make you appreciate your partner all the more.
Featured image source: Shutterstock
Facebook
Disqus
Google + 
