“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, but always with the same person,” said Mignon McLaughlin. Doesn’t this quote say it all? No, it doesn’t! Why do you think a fairy tale ends once the lead pair gets married? Well, because that is the end of their lives too! This might sound dramatic to you, but you cannot deny the element of truth hidden in it, can you?
A marriage is a contract between two people in love and, like in any contract, there are some terms and conditions that cannot be violated. You may find my definition dry and bereft of any love, but that’s the way it is! Love brings the two of you together to get married and then jumps out of the window. Now, it’s your task to find love again and bring it back home. That is what companionship is all about!
Suggested read: 8 most overlooked threats to a marriage
Confused? To cut this puzzling story short, I want you to take a look at these dos and don’ts on how to have a successful marriage, because I know you are ‘in it for the long haul’!
The Dos:
1. Do identify the big problems from the small issues.
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
In every relationship, there are both major and minor problems. Marriage is not an exception. Putting together a successful marriage will require you to know the difference between these two kinds of issues. You have to first grab the bigger issues at hand before you give your attention to the little ones. Make sure you don’t make a huge problem out of a teeny hitch! Putting your troubles in perspective will allow you to see their bearing on you as a couple. Ask yourselves if the problem is improving or only getting worse. If the latter, then what do you think the result will look like? What do you see when you think of the worst case scenario? If you see yourselves in jail or unmarried or without food or clothes, it is a big problem. Deal accordingly!
2. Do have each other’s backs.
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
Differences and clashes in a partnership such as a marriage are very normal. However, no matter how much you both quarrel, make sure that you are on the same page when it comes to fighting the outside forces. I am talking about inflation, a pig-headed bureaucracy or FBI undercover neighbors! Well, I know I went a little overboard there. But in all seriousness, identify the things that you have to handle on a day-to-day basis, and make certain that you are battling for the same side: either fighting as one or running away as a team!
3. Do live and let live.
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
Marriage does not in any way expect of you to become mirror images of one another! It’s alright to have distinct interests. It’s alright to spend time with different groups of friends sometimes. Spending time ‘spaced out’ is also very important for a strong relationship. However, make certain that you don’t carry this too far. Keep aside at least one weekend in a month (more if you can!) for quality “we” time! Go on a dinner date, watch a movie marathon, exercise together, or maybe just hang out at home! You have to learn to maintain a balance. The moments spent away will make you thankful for those spent together!
4. Do be the ‘better half’.
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
In my opinion, marriage vows start a couple off on the wrong footing! “Till Death Do Us Apart.” What will stimulate a couple if they feel stuck with one another for life? In every responsibility such as a job or a credit history, you need to perform better than the previous day to keep your work alive! Similarly, to make a marriage successful, you have to keep improving your compatibility. “Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.”
Prepare for each day as if it’s your first date. Expect that if you get lucky, you may get laid! 😉 Even a thing as small as giving honest compliments will work wonders! Taking your better half for granted—knowing that they will always be there ‘in sickness or health’—is when the marriage starts failing.
5. Do love your partner for who they are.
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
So this sounds a bit too obvious to you? Well, think about it deeply now. Imagine loving the person you got married to and not the person who you want them to become. It’s impossible to not want to cast them into a mold best suited to us, but that’s the test. The ring on your finger and the paper that the both of you signed mean that you are willing to make the effort for a successful marriage. The period when you were dating was the time when you should have discussed the habits of each other that need some changing. Now, the best idea is to decide whether this habit or behavior of theirs is harmful or unhealthy in any way. If not, learn to adjust a little and get by. Pick the good qualities and learn to concentrate on them.
Suggested read: 10 unhealthy relationship patterns that will destroy your marriage
The Don’ts:
6. Don’t take the credit (card).
Image source: Shutterstock
Do you want to know the recipe for marital catastrophe? It is letting one person take control of the finances. Don’t let just one have control over how the money will be spent. At the same time, clearing the bills in time should not fall on a single shoulder. Come together and sort them as a couple. Yes, there is nothing romantic about this and it may become stressful at times, but it is far better to divide the responsibility than to pile it up on one person. By teaming up on the finances, you are also guaranteeing that you both are up-to-date with your financial situation.
7. Don’t be Mr. or Mrs. Nosy Parker.
Image source: Shutterstock
Negativity begets negativity. Talking about your spouse’s mistakes to others, like family and friends, is wrong. In fact, it is a kind of a betrayal, an extreme disloyalty. If something is upsetting you, discuss it with them first. Gossip is cruel in any form and it will get you nowhere. Your partner feels free in your company and so they show their real self. Judging them over it and then making them a conversation topic is the surest way to get a divorce! With that said, if they are abusing you, you must report it immediately!
8. Don’t overdo in love.
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
Spend time with one another, but don’t make it too special and sugar coated. Confused? What I mean is that by making your relationship too romantic all of the time, you will create excessive pressure on yourselves. It’s like “Why aren’t we enjoying? We must have fun!” So don’t reserve a table at your favorite restaurant on the 14th of Feb. (It will be crowded with dumb love birds!). Book it on the 13th instead and have the whole space to yourself. 😉
9. Don’t stop the war!
Image source: Shutterstock
Yes, you read it right: fight like cats and dogs! If you ever come across a couple that tells you they never fight, stay away from them. There is definitely something seriously wrong with them.
Fighting is a good thing in a marriage. It is healthy. I know you are waiting for the “but”, so here it is: fight, but within reason. No kickboxing or karate is allowed. 😛 Screaming and yelling is okay. You need to vent it out sometimes. Spit out the venom. It is better if it comes out while you are fighting and not passive-aggressively at some other time.
10. Don’t let dullness creep in.
Image source: Shutterstock
Have you watched “Hope Springs”? Not the Colin Firth one, but the Meryl Streep one. If not, I recommend that you do so immediately. It is about a couple trying to rekindle the fire in their relationship after 30-odd years of marriage. See, marriage is tough. Anyone who’s told you otherwise has lied to you! Don’t be afraid to seek help or guidance from experts if need be – it’s never too late to ask for help. If both of you are committed to making yours a successful marriage, you are definitely going to make it.
Suggested read: Top 8 things husbands do which destroy their marriage
There can never be a ‘one size fits all’ solution on how to have a successful marriage. This is what makes a marriage interesting, don’t you think? Remember, a sacrifice in a marriage is done to keep the unity alive. Rough patches will be there; no two doubts about it. You have to learn the ways to stay afloat, no matter what. Some people give up too fast because the effort scares them, but you don’t have to be scared.
Dismiss the ‘if’ factor. There should be no question in your mind whether your marriage will work or not. It will. And you will make it work. Vow that the next time you sit together and see the wonders it will do. Stay loved, stay happy and, as a result, stay together.
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
Facebook
Disqus
Google + 
