No matter how convincing rom-coms are, real life has managed to show us the hard way that relationships and falling in love is not always about holding hands and Valentine’s Day and rosy things which make you gush. It is a lot of hard work and compromise, and sometimes even stresses which make you feel like you are on the edge, about to lose your mind. Just the thought of taking on so much responsibility, becoming so serious and making such commitments make you shudder. In situations like these, what you need is a no strings attached relationship, where you can essentially revel in all the fun, minus all the complications.
A no strings attached relationship is exactly what the name suggests – a roller coaster ride of pure fun and enjoyment, without any of the emotional strings (or rather, tension rods) holding you back. Although the connotations are mainly sexual, such a relationship, or rather such a convenient arrangement does much more than satisfying your sexual libido. It is one of the most convenient ways of relaxing and chilling out, after life does its best to push you down and depress you with serious, adult things. Even though being friends-with-benefits with a like-minded individual is one of the more satisfying ways of breaking the rules, even this comes with some of its own rules, which need to be followed if you don’t want to end up in a complicated mess.
Suggested read: 10 surprising truths I learned about a no strings attached relationship
Here are 10 dos and don’ts that you should consider gospel when you have a no strings attached relationship.
1. DO make sure you are emotionally prepared for such an arrangement
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An NSA or no strings attached relationship is not as simple as you think. You will, after all, be engaging with someone in one of the most primal, most intimate acts, sex. You will naturally have to talk about something some times, and you may in fact, find a genuine friend in your partner. However, you need to be mentally prepared to remain uninvolved in their personal lives; you have to be ready to compromise on your inner Casanova/Juliet to be able to carry on with such a relationship without additional complications. The worst thing that could possibly happen is one of you falling in love with the other, because that is never a part of the bargain in such relationships, and most of the time, life doesn’t work out like a movie.
2. DON’T choose someone you know closely, or have known (like an ex)
Although it is best to not hook up with random strangers on a daily basis, it is also not okay to have such a relationship with someone you had been super close to in the past. This is precisely because when you get together with someone you had known, or do know in close proximity, such as an ex-lover or a friend or a colleague, then things become complicated from the start. Both of you share a past which is never a good thing when you are trying to maintain a relationship which is supposed to be completely emotionally detached. Having a casual relationship with tons of hot sex is a way to get over emotional burdens such as breakups, depression, loneliness, etc., If you hook up with an ex-lover, for example, it might just have the opposite effect, which will make things infinitely worse for you, instead of making things better.
3. DO use protection when you are having sex
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Ideally, when you are involved in a no strings attached relationship, you should not be sleeping around with multiple people, because then the chances of acquiring an STD becomes high. It is best if you talk it out with your partner before you start having sex. However, no one is answerable to the other, and you cannot control any of their decision, which also includes who they decide to get together with. Thus, it is absolutely essential to use protection when you are having sex. In addition to protecting you from STD, it will also ensure that no other complications, such as unplanned pregnancies, arise, which will completely mess up something which is supposed to be uncomplicated and fun.
4. DON’T start getting emotionally attached or involved
Whether it is love or jealousy, the cardinal rule of a no strings attached relationship is that you do not hold your partner back with your emotional baggage, whether it is love or jealousy or anything else. You have to constantly keep in mind that you are not in a relationship, but you are actually having some fun with someone you are not interested to know any further. Therefore, it is absolutely wrong of you to get jealous if you see them flirting with other people or doing things without letting you know, or you start getting concerned about whether they have eaten or they have become too busy for you. If you want it bluntly put, then you are using them for their body, and they are doing the same, nothing more and nothing less. It is best to keep it that way.
5. DO establish some ground rules about your ‘relationship’
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There is nothing romantic or spontaneous about your relationship, and since we have gotten that out of the way, it is best to establish some ground rules between the two of you, so that there is no confusion in the future. These may include a horde of things, depending on what each of you are comfortable with. For example, some of the things that you have to decide on before you start your relationship is, how long you plan to carry on with this arrangement (because be realistic, you have to get a life eventually), who you plan to tell, where you plan on executing your sexcapades, etc.,
Suggested read: 10 logical reasons why a friends with benefits relationship doesn’t work
6. DON’T start making plans of the immediate (or distant) future with your ‘partner’
Whether it is going out or getting jobs or moving out of the house or whatever it is that you are planning to do, you have to make sure that you keep your partner out of such plans. They are your sex partner, not your spouse, and when you start thinking about moving into their place or going out with them more often or things like that, then the warning bells should start going off in your head.
7. DO have fun while you’re at it and be spontaneous
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The whole point of having a no string attached relationship is that the experience is your way of cooling off, relaxing, being free, and not answerable to any person, group or force in the world, other than yourself. This is all you should be feeling when you are having casual sex with your partner, and having a hell of a time. In fact, you might start off such an arrangement as friends with benefits and then you might actually find a real friend in them, because such meetings give you ample opportunity to share anecdotes, jokes, etc., However, it shouldn’t go beyond ‘friends’ at any point in time.
8. DON’T use the word ‘love’ too much…or at all
The word ‘love’ is a tricky one, and it is best if you avoid the use of it altogether. Do not even get excited and say “I love the way you wear your hair,” or “I love your sense of humor.” No. You don’t love it. Saying love too much will make things awkward very fast, and you don’t want that. If you see you or your partner getting too serious, or getting emotionally involved at all, do not hesitate to leave. The best part about casual relationships is that you hold no obligation towards them. You can call them, text them, send them a brief, informal-sounding email or use any other form of communication to tell them that you have decided to terminate this arrangement. The cool part is that there will be no tears, no heartbreak, no ‘getting over’ and all the other drama that entails a breakup.
9. DO be selfish about your own needs
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So, you are dressing up for hours, and taking extra care to look sexy and going to great lengths to satisfy your partner sexually, without thinking of yourself? You are not going in the right direction. In a no strings attached relationship, you have all the liberty in the world to think about whether you are getting sexually satisfied or not. This is the time for you to have fun, and not to make someone else feel like they’re super lucky to have you, especially sexually. Also, you looking like a sex-bomb and you looking like a potato should make no difference in such a situation, so do not go out of your way to impress your partner. If they are not hopelessly in love with you, then they won’t care, which should ideally be the case.
Suggested read: 10 valid reasons why you shouldn’t be friends with your ex
10. DON’T choose random people to have sex with
Yes, I know that it is a no strings attached relationship after all, and you don’t need to get every single detail and information about your partner’s life in order to get together with them, but you still have to exercise some caution when you are choosing a partner to have a casual relationship with. Here are some pointers:
- Make sure that you choose a partner who is okay with this arrangement. There is a difference between a no strings attached relationship and a one-night stand and a real, emotionally engaging relationship
- Avoid choosing strangers from the internet or random hotties you met at the bar for such things. I know you won’t be marrying them, but they may be serial killers or stalkers or something – you never know. Ex-colleagues, friends of your friends, an old batch-mate, etc., are great options for things like these
- Go out with them a couple of times, instead of getting to the sex immediately. Note that I am not calling them dates. These are just occasions which will help you understand whether you have chosen the right person for your sexcapades.
These simple dos and don’ts are all you need to make your no strings attached relationship work out as smoothly as you expected it to be, without any unnecessary complications getting in the way of you having the time of your life.
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