Are you looking for your special someone? Your soul mate, your other half, your ‘person,’ the one, the someone who would add color and substance to your already colorful and weighty life? You’re not alone, and it’s not an easy endeavor by any means. It needs a lot of patience, time, energy, and effort to find that special someone. What did you think – that you go out and meet the person of your dreams after one meeting? No, unfortunately, finding the special someone needs special effort. After all, they are special!
One way to make that process a bit easier is by taking a break from dating. It might seem like a counter-productive move, but actually finding ‘the one’ is an arduous task. You’ll probably end up going out with a lot more frogs than you initially thought, endure a few breakups along the way and come out stronger because of them, on your journey to find ‘the one.’ But actually taking a break from dating, to find that special someone? How would that even work?
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Yes, one sure way to find your ‘person’ is to actually put yourself out there and meet different kinds of people to figure out if they are or not. But if you’re a serial dater, taking a break from dating is probably the best option for you. This will help you take a step back from the frenzy and the urgency to find someone, and actually look at the situation objectively. This is actually better than you ending up with the wrong person, or declare yourselves exclusive after just one date.
Yes, taking a break from going out on dates is probably not what you thought when in the middle of finding your life partner. But it’s definitely something you need to think about. Take a look at some compelling reasons why taking a break from going out on dates can be really good.
1. You know yourself better.
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Do you know yourself? What you want out of life? Where do you see yourself in the next decade? Do you know your likes and dislikes? This is an important part of finding a life partner – getting to know yourself. Many people think they know who they are, but they don’t, not really. When you’re going out on one date after another, you’ll learn to mold yourself according to someone’s perception of you or their needs. You actually lose sight of who you are, at your core.
However, when you stop dating and let yourself go back to your roots, you will attract the right person – for you. Never underestimate the process of self-discovery. It’s vital to your mental and intellectual well-being. Remember that it’s never too late to learn who you really, truly are.
2. You get to know what you want.
Just like you learn who you are, you also get to know what you want. You might think you have an idea of who the perfect person is for you, but this image might be highly skewed by the people you’ve been with till now, or the fictitious one you’ve built in your head. Your previous relationships are not a measure of what you want in your life and your partner. If they were, you wouldn’t be looking for a partner, would you? When you actually take a step back and look at what you’re missing out in your life, you’ll realize what you’re looking for. This is helpful in determining what traits you absolutely look for, while what you absolutely despise in a potential partner.
3. You actually stop ‘looking.’
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It’s like you’re taking a breather from your search. When you’re looking for that special someone, you’re constantly trying to figure out if the next person you meet is ‘the one,’ or you’ve already met them and didn’t even know it. This can get pretty tedious, pretty fast. It’s especially true if people around you are all in committed relationships, or engaged, or married. It seems like everyone around you is happy, while you’re the only one who isn’t.
Being on the lookout for that one person becomes more than a little tedious, while it could also blind you to the truth about the person when you do meet them. When you’re not dating, you’ve stopped ‘looking’ actively, and you let yourself enjoy the process, get to know the potential someone’s unique personality and traits, and be content that you would find them, in time.
4. You take a break from sex.
Being physically intimate with someone can really mess you up emotionally. Just because you have amazing physical attraction, doesn’t mean you would be attracted to them in every aspect as well. Sometimes lust is just lust, rarely does it turn into love, or even an actual relationship. So take a break from the dating game and sleeping with someone. This helps you see people for who they actually are, rather than just how they make you feel physically.
Suggested read: Why the one soulmate theory is flawed
5. You learn new ways to love.
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
Whenever you hear the word ‘love,’ it’s romantic love you think about. But, there are other, more important kinds of love in life. To make a relationship last, you need to experience all kinds of love there are. And giving dating a break is one of the best ways to experience them all. You’ll learn different facets of your personality, you meet different kinds of people, and you’ll learn to love someone like a friend, an acquaintance, and even love yourself in a different way by being accepting – flaws and all.
6. You open yourself up to someone/something new.
Think about this – you’re constantly going out on dates, or in a relationship with someone just because you don’t want to be alone, then you’re not available when someone much better does come along. So actually stopping dating altogether for a while helps you think things through and then go out on dates when you feel if there’s potential. Also, this keeps you open to accepting dates from someone who might be ‘the one,’ and open yourself up to new experiences and people. Who knows, you might even end up making a friend for life, if not a life partner.
7. You focus on your own life.
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Having a fulfilling life, regardless of the fact that you have a partner or not is extremely important. You are, first and foremost, an individual minus a partner/spouse/boyfriend. Have a job, build a career, work towards your goals – personal and professional, have hobbies, spend time with family, friends, and colleagues. In short, build a life that makes you happy and want to become a better person, for your own sake. Know this – if you’re unhappy in your life, living by yourself, then you won’t be happy in a relationship, no matter how hard you try or how amazing you both are together.
8. You will find more when you’re not hung up on finding someone.
If you’re constantly obsessed about finding someone, or always on the lookout to find that someone, then you’re just not in the right frame of mind to have an objective perspective. When you’re not actively looking, and not obsessed about finding love, is when love will find you. Being so focused on finding love can actually work against you, making you miss out the clues when it actually does comes and hits you right in the face. So taking a step back from dating is an actually good way to go about it.
9. You find clarity.
This again refers to perspective. When you take a step back from love and relationships, and remove yourself from the situation where you’re constantly thinking about when or where or who would be your life partner, you will see things more clearly. You will also be able to see what went wrong in your previous relationships, whether it was something you did, or just circumstances that didn’t work out. You’ll also learn to accept that despite all kinds of introspection and perspective, some relationships are not meant to work out, however amazing and beautiful they were, while they lasted.
You’ll also learn that you may need to work on a few things about yourself, before you can really be happy with someone. When you’ve taken a break from dating, your judgement and perception of the situation are clearer, and you’ll be able to see yourself more clearly than when you were in one.
Suggested read: 28 unromantic signs you have found your soulmate
10. You will learn what love is.
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When you’re hopping from dating one person to the next, without a break, you may not have a clear idea of what love truly is. However, when you take a break from dating, you can think things through and actually realize if what you’ve felt till now is even love. It might surprise you to learn that what you’ve experienced till now might not even remotely resemble love. But this realization is an important one, and will help you move forward with conviction to find out what it actually is eventually.
Sure, it seems weird to take a step back from dating to find your soul mate, but it can actually bring you a step (or two) closer to finding that special someone. The above reasons emulate how and why that is.
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
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